PDA

View Full Version : Nice article on friendship



goodcomplanboy
10-11-2004, 08:37 PM
A nice article on friendship...

SUNNY, one of my dearest friends at work, will leave The Straits Times next
month for greener pastures. He is not my first friend from the office to say
goodbye. Over the years, there have been a handful of colleagues who became friends.
In recent times, at least three others have also left. When Sunny told me that
he was leaving, I moaned:

'With you gone, I will have hardly any friends left in the office!'

Which set me thinking: At what point does an acquaintance or colleague become
a friend? And, to take a step back, what is this concept called 'friendship'
anyway? Indeed, what makes you click with one person and form a friendship with
him, but not some other?

If a friend is defined as someone I feel completely comfortable calling up at 3
am to bail me out of trouble - and Sunny will do so - then, alas, I don't have
that many friends. Other than family members, I can count on just one female
friend and three, at best four, male friends.

But then, maybe that's plenty. As someone once said, one friend in a lifetime
is much, two are many, three are hardly possible. FRIENDSHIPS are different
from relationships - and thank goodness for that.

You can be great chums with your partner, of course, but a relationship is so
much more complex. It is not only about that enrapturing feeling called love,
but - if you are unlucky - also a host of murky emotions like jealousy,
resentment, anger, pain and despair. Friendship is simpler and fills you, mostly, with
harmless Type B emotions - kindliness, fondness, warmth and cordiality. With a
lover, you make demands and have expectations. But with a friend, you're cool.
You don't really owe him anything, or have to explain much, because, ultimately,
you demand nothing more from each other than pleasant company and an occasional
listening ear.

Love, I read somewhere, is blind, but friendship closes its eyes. How true.
THE older I get, the more I value friends. Yet, ironically, I find that it is now
not only harder for me to maintain old friendships,but also to form new ones.
When I was in school, friendships came naturally. My friends and I moved in a
pack - we ate, studied, gossiped and partied together. We exchanged secrets and
gifts, sent cards and gave treats. Our friendships were firm, and sweet. Coming
from an all-girls school, I didn't get to make male friends until I was in
junior college.

Initial shyness aside, I found that it was possible to have a platonic
relationship with a guy, and that they made equally good friends. By the time I went to
university, I was already attached, and had little time to make new friends,
male or female. Then came working life. Through sheer proximity and the amount of
time spent together, it was inevitable that some colleagues became more than co
workers.

What is it that allows you to become friends with some people, and not others?
Shared experience is one requisite, and the sharper it is, the better. For
Sunny and I, it was our years spent pounding the same beat,politics. That X factor
called 'chemistry' is another, and I suppose this explains how you can be firm
friends with people who are very different from you.THE saddest thing about
friendship is that it can die. It doesn't come with a lifelong guarantee.

Distance is one killer. Unless you are diligent in keeping in touch with a
friend, being far away can drive a wedge in your relationship. Changes in
circumstance is another. It has been said that a friend in power is a friend lost, and I
have found this to be true. When a friend moves up in life, he will become too
busy for you, while you don't want to risk rejection by trying to keep in
contact with him.

Marriages have also caused friendships to fade as your spouse might not take
to your friends. Then there are friendships that die because they have simply
run their course. I had a close female friend whom I had known since we were
both 17. About four years back, after 16 years of keeping in touch through the
mail, long hours on the phone and giggly lunches, our friendship died. Just like
that.

There was no quarrel, no disagreement, no underlying unhappiness or animosity
or hurts. The plug was just pulled. The last time we saw each other was at
lunch - in fact, it was to celebrate her birthday. We were our usual loud selves.
After the meal, we gave our usual hug, said our usual cheery goodbyes and made
our usual promise to meet again. We didn't call each other for weeks (which was
normal, as we were both busy), then months (which began to feel a bit strange,
but nothing to be alarmed about), then, yes, years (by then, it was too late to
resuscitate the friendship). We did talk once, last year, when my father died
and she called. I was grateful to hear from her and I know it took a lot for her
to pick up the phone after so many years. I wish nothing but the best for her,
and am always glad to hear from mutual friends that she is well. Yet, I know
that if we were to bump into each other today, it would feel awkward. IF I value
friendship so much, why don't I just go ! forth and make more friends?

It is easier said than done. People my age and older are busy with careers
and family. I have fewer things in common with those younger. But the fault is
mine. At my age, I lack the energy and enthusiasm. Starting and maintaining a
friendship might be far less arduous than a relationship, but it still requires
effort. Do I have the strength for that on top of the other demands in my life?
So, next month, I say goodbye to Sunny and I am left with one friend fewer at
work. British writer Virginia Woolf once said: 'I have lost friends, some by
death - others by sheer inability to cross the street.'

Should I spot Sunny - and my few remaining friends - on the street, I trust I
can muster the energy to walk up to them and say 'hi'. For, really, that is all
it takes to keep a friendship alive. The greatest regrets in our lives are the
risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it.
Remember that we pass this way only once. "The hardest part in loving a person
from a distance is not being able to hold her hand and embrace her tight and
tell her how much you love her - because you are only a friend

jaggy4u
10-11-2004, 09:31 PM
it was real practical truth..almost all of us tend to experience,nice one..

Shy
10-11-2004, 10:40 PM
Good one GCb..

I miss all my friends back home :(
Shy

vijitha
10-24-2004, 09:20 PM
ahhh nice one.. very touchy.......

butterfly
10-24-2004, 11:05 PM
The greatest regrets in our lives are the
risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, go for it.
Remember that we pass this way only once.

hmmm...so true...



Starting and maintaining a
friendship might be far less arduous than a relationship, but it still requires
effort. Do I have the strength for that on top of the other demands in my life?


Good thought provoking question

Thanks GCB :sm08:

goodcomplanboy
10-25-2004, 01:10 AM
Thanku Thanku :)

Actually one of my very close friend from India sent this. We always used to be together, wherever we go. But now we are separated by distance :(. Romba kashtama irukkum, aval enkooda illayenu. Shes getting married next month and I wont be able to go for it :cry: :cry: :cry:

butterfly
10-25-2004, 02:15 AM
Actually one of my very close friend from India sent this. We always used to be together, wherever we go. But now we are separated by distance . Romba kashtama irukkum, aval enkooda illayenu. Shes getting married next month and I wont be able to go for it


Yep Gcb...this is one problem being so far away frm home...but it has its advantages...kalyanum time poneengana she will be busy so u wont get time to spend with her...later poneengana u can have more time to catch up on everything :)...

we take liberty with our friends...today I was really mean to my friend ...I thittu my friend :(...but i wud rather thittu than seeing others thittufy him

I lost contact with a friend :(...& ur post made me think...sometimes we take things for granted..all my friends are trying to find her but no luck yet :(

bbabab2004
10-27-2004, 01:43 AM
so what is moral of this story user goodcomplanboy?
in life we cannot usually have many friends only some people are close
now who become the friends some temporary but some everlasting friendship.
what you say in one line that 3 friends are hardly possible, now is thinking about it.
you are correct telling like that. but we have to be devoted to friends even
if it is only the 2 or 3 friends. thanks ok bye

Priyanka
10-27-2004, 02:13 PM
Enakku friends-e irundhadhu kidaiyaathu. Not even in school and college days. I will be sitting all alone in the class. Enakku friends-e illaiyennu evvalavu aadhanga patruppen theriyuma. Athu yen enakku mattum friends-e amaiya maattengaraangannu enakke theriyalai. Might be I dont know the art of making friends. I have no one to share my feelings frankly. That is because we cannot share all our feelings to mom, dad or hubby, can we? Thats why we need a friend.

I am badly in need of a friend.

My hubby has a lot of friends and I envy him a lot.

goodcomplanboy
10-27-2004, 03:11 PM
Yep Gcb...this is one problem being so far away frm home...but it has its advantages...kalyanum time poneengana she will be busy so u wont get time to spend with her...later poneengana u can have more time to catch up on everything ...

we take liberty with our friends...today I was really mean to my friend ...I thittu my friend ...but i wud rather thittu than seeing others thittufy him

I lost contact with a friend ...& ur post made me think...sometimes we take things for granted..all my friends are trying to find her but no luck yet


No pattams, thats not the problem. Avaloda marriage'kku naan thaan munnadi irukkanumnu avalukku aasai. Infact, we used to talk like, I will come with her to her house as a "seethanam" from her parents place :D. :cry: aana ippo kalyanathukku kooda poga mudiyalai :cry:



I am badly in need of a friend.


I thought we were all your friends :( Illaya :think: