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Bluelotus
01-27-2005, 05:44 PM
Devadai Kandein.
If you have not read the reviews or seen the movie, please go have a peak at either :ahha:

One thing the film hilights is that Love initially may be blind but then reality creeps in and you cannot ignore gaping differences between people.

I have no idea if you have heard this before but there is a saying which goes along the lines of :


you should only aim for someone as good as yourself, never better

Be this in physical beauty, social status, Brain power (IQ), money, etc...
The same rule applies.

It basically means that cute people marry cute people and average folks marry average folks, and live in a semblence of happiness.


Lets put this in context if you like, :wink:
Bluey cannot aim for someone as cute as Brad Pitt because he is out of her league in terms of handsomeness, nor can she aim for Richard Dawkins because he is by far too clever...
however she can aim for an average but nice village teacher ...she's just gotta find the village with him it first though :ahha:


Okie levity apart....

do you agree with "you should only aim for someone as good as yourself, never better" ?

and why did you agree or disagree?


thank you for taking the time to share your views and defend them :wink: :b:



blue.

anainar
01-27-2005, 05:58 PM
I might agree to this partially though, still voted True. All said and done, reality does bite hard. For all the hoopla over eternity of love, in the present materialistic world, reality carries more weightage.

Your analogy of Brady reminded of this movie, Win a date with Tad Hamilton. It goes on like Tad Hamiliton who is a star, decides to adventurously fall in love with a simple fan of him. Kate Bosworth is the simple girl whose childhood friend also loves her. She rejects her friend initially and on a trip in California with Tad Hamilton, dawns on her that she has bitten more than she can chew and comes back to her old friend. Nice romantic movie.

So, there goes my vote.

Cheers

ashokcsn_2000
01-27-2005, 06:00 PM
do you agree with "you should only aim for someone as good as yourself, never better" ?


I would put it this way... it is not weather the personthat you are looking for is in the as good as you in terms of wealth.. but rather in terms of whether the person is capable of having any sort of good future and if you will be able to live with him... But more it is should be thought out even before you start off a relationship with that person.

In the movie we see dhanush as a character who is pretty stupid where in he is not even able to maintain his tea biz when sridevi gives him a good platform to launch it on. he wastes the money by buying dresses for her and on supplying free tea.. grrr.... (atrosious director... not to blame dhanush)...

But everything is not so clear at times but tend to get clearer as they move on.... so sridevi's decision to dump this guy was right as she sees no potential in him... thus a bleak future for herself and everyone else...

So be wise right at the time when you look out for someone... just dont say that love is blind it is u who is blinded not by love but by stupidity....

goodcomplanboy
01-27-2005, 06:32 PM
I am kind of 60-40 on this issue. Ofcourse 60 towards the "true" factor and 40 towards the "false". Hence I voted for "true"

Justification:

For a happy life both people involved should have similar attributes. I had an excellent lecturer (pretty young, married only for 5 years) who keeps us reminding how important is to choose your life partner to have a peaceful life. He always tells this in the class: "It is very important that you choose a partner who you can relate to in any aspects of life and also from your cultural background and more importantly from your mother tongue". As far as I saw (we used to visit him regularly) he and his wife led a very happy, peaceful, quite marriage life. I have no doubts that they will continue the same way.

Another thing he used to say is, if you desire for something really from the bottom of your heart. Let it go away from you. If it is for you, it will come back to you for sure. He did the same with his marriage. He really liked his wife, before getting married. But he didnt go ahead and propose her directly, instead he waited for things to happen on its own. He is a great believer of Christ and his preachings too are really good.

So why do I have the 40% on the false side. I have couple of my friends who are totally unequal to their husbands and still they lead a very happy life.

prasan8181
01-27-2005, 06:39 PM
In the movie we see dhanush as a character who is pretty stupid where in he is not even able to maintain his tea biz when sridevi gives him a good platform to launch it on. he wastes the money by buying dresses for her and on supplying free tea.. grrr.... (atrosious director... not to blame dhanush)...

Yeah, he is so dumb that he cannot even commit suicide properly, without getting caught.


But everything is not so clear at times but tend to get clearer as they move on.... so sridevi's decision to dump this guy was right as she sees no potential in him... thus a bleak future for herself and everyone else...

Well, why not talk about it to Dhanush, since she one told him she loves him? Well, tell him her reasons for dumping him, and if he still does not see the light, well, he is the dumbest.


So be wise right at the time when you look out for someone...

Come on. I cannot be calculating when I fall for a girl!

So...

do you agree with "you should only aim for someone as good as yourself, never better" ?
This is not a true for false question! Or an yes or no question! It depends on the attitude of the love between the two parties involved.

Well, let us see what happens in practical marriages. Generally girls look for someone who is better than them. Boys look for someone who is below them. No one infact looks for someone as good as him or her! Well, it is all that silly little ego, you see.

Anyway, I cannot think much about this now. Happy arguing people. :)

Prasanna.

vasan
01-27-2005, 06:43 PM
do you agree with "you should only aim for someone as good as yourself, never better" ?

Yeah...

First ask for his age, then his resume, then his color, then his taste on clothes, and his preference for job, and his IQ, and his 'genetic potential' and his last years tax return, and his asset list, and his...

Or if you are a guy, read that 'his' as 'her' and go..

:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:

'Love is blind' is not a statement that means love is stupid. However, if you are calculating whether the person is some one as good as yourself, no better (and I assume no worse.. :ahha:), or talk about 'biting more than you can chew'... D'oh.. it ain't love.. Its convenience at best or calculation at worst...

Love liberally, and freely.. There is something about the other person, that just must sweep you off your feet... be it something as carnal as physical beauty, or some thing as spiritual as 'reading existentialist poetry using lights from match sticks during earthquake' :wink:

Don't take away 'romance' from love. You might as well kill it... :ahha:

Vasan

ps: Oh.. Have you watched the movie, Pretty Woman (just to counter Win a Date realism.. :wink:).. Here is a just a hooker on hollywood blvd with pretty face, who has dreams of 'decent' life, and a rich millionaire dude who wants 'unquestioning' company.. and they hit it off, and some how the differences don't seem that big, and 'romance' wins.. :P :P Hollywood is a place of dreams.. and love must be too.. :wink:

ps2: oii.. Blue kutti.. you don't have to find a village teacher (whaddya mean teacher.. you think they are sad little dudes, who need to be rescued from cutie pies from big city.. :evil: ?).. But instead find a guy who might be selling lottery tickets or pose as chicken for restaurant ads.... Mr. Pitt was one such a dude not too long ago.. :ahha:

Priyanka
01-27-2005, 06:54 PM
For a happy life both people involved should have similar attributes. I had an excellent lecturer (pretty young, married only for 5 years) who keeps us reminding how important is to choose your life partner to have a peaceful life. He always tells this in the class: "It is very important that you choose a partner who you can relate to in any aspects of life and also from your cultural background and more importantly from your mother tongue". As far as I saw (we used to visit him regularly) he and his wife led a very happy, peaceful, quite marriage life. I have no doubts that they will continue the same way.

This is not true GCB. Many people who get married from same status, cultural background and same cast get separated in less than one year of time and many people who get married from totally different cultural background and status life a happy life. It all depends upon the attitude of husband and wife.

Well... according to my opinion one should not look for someone who is as good as himself, but better than him. Only opposite poles attract you know! :P

anainar
01-27-2005, 07:37 PM
There is something about the other person, that just must sweep you off your feet... be it something as carnal as physical beauty, or some thing as spiritual as 'reading existentialist poetry using lights from match sticks during earthquake'

I was swept off the feet by Aish in Dola Re song in Devdas. Can that be called love? It is all so romantic to be swept off the feet. The basic thing here is, you have some characteristic and get some one who can connect with you. That is what it boils down to. There should be some shared beliefs and values between the two. Else, it is due for doom soon. Pretty woman is a nice movie. Though a hooker, Julia held her pride and carried herself so well. That is the character Gere connects with. Not the hooker.

Cheers

vasan
01-27-2005, 08:00 PM
was swept off the feet by Aish in Dola Re song in Devdas. Can that be called love?

Well, may be not.. Neither would I call 'some car hitting me or a tornado passing or the tricky snow melting and sweeping off my feet' as love... :ahha:

I want to pick a coworker, look at all the eligibilities, shared work ethics and values and whole lot of other things, and hire them. Do I call that love? :Ksp: How is a woman I love then different from my coworker or do I love all my coworkers ? :ahha:

Primary condition to fall in love is to be swept off ones feet - for whatever reason... But that is not the sole condition for falling in love with a person. Its necessary but not sufficient.

I am swept off my feet watching Simran dance? I would love simran dance. I am swept off my feet watching the ocean? I love ocean. Everything you love, be it small or big, connects in an inexplicable way - thats why you call it love. Thats why, what one man dearly loves need not be attractive to another..

Given only calculations on 'love' two people in similar situations would all 'love' exactly the same thing... Like a linear equation... But the nonlinearity is what makes love unique and special and worth rooting for.. .:P :P

Fall in love.. love some one irrationally, love them till it hurts, love them till your dead and no one recollects a bit of what you were.. love them for eternity..

That is the love worth talking about...

v-

ps:
Though a hooker, Julia held her pride and carried herself so well. That is the character Gere connects with. Not the hooker.

Yeah.. true. Gere is swept off his feet, in realizing the real person beneath the hooker dress... And if he had been calculating and thinking about 'some one as good as himself, not better or worse' or if Julia is thinking about in the same way, they won't get together. Remember: Equal in every aspect. Social, financial, educational, experience.. the whole nine yards... BTW, going against the grain is what made the movie a tender story.. :wink: :P :P :P

Bluelotus
01-27-2005, 08:21 PM
Love liberally, and freely.. There is something about the other person, that just must sweep you off your feet... be it something as carnal as physical beauty, or some thing as spiritual as 'reading existentialist poetry using lights from match sticks during earthquake'

Maybe but when it fades you shall be left with a gaping difference :ahha:
Everything involving love and romance doesn't have to be so spontaneous. In fact the most romantic of acts have been carefully planned and executed.

Danush Potentially was sweeped of his feet when he saw "his devadai" and then he came crashing back to reality. He should have realised that when he described her as a "devadai" she was way out of his league in the physical sense of it at least. :Ksp:


Come on. I cannot be calculating when I fall for a girl!
why not? you're calcultaing about every other aspects of your life why not love too?
what's so special about it that it should be left to fate/destiny/chance?
why risk it?


Don't take away 'romance' from love. You might as well kill it...
romance does not equate to spontaneity


oii.. Blue kutti.. you don't have to find a village teacher (whaddya mean teacher.. you think they are sad little dudes, who need to be rescued from cutie pies from big city.. ?).. But instead find a guy who might be selling lottery tickets or pose as chicken for restaurant ads.... Mr. Pitt was one such a dude not too long ago..
:00: why what's wrong with a city girl deciding to settle down in a quiet village and marry the local school teacher?
I think we would make a great couple! :snooty:
and like helllooooooooooo my village teacher is not gonna be some sad dude... :Ksp:
he will be very exciting.... :P
yeah but thattha you fail to see the point!
it isn't Brady baby's profession which would keep me away from him...but his good looks... :wink:
And it isn't Richard Dawkins looks which would pose a problem but his IQ :cry:





Well... according to my opinion one should not look for someone who is as good as himself, but better than him. Only opposite poles attract you know!

opposite poles are all very well, if it's just that one of you is a coffee addict and the other a herbal tea fanatic

but say if my hubby had an IQ 10 times higher than mine... don't you think he would be a patronising little twit and make my life a misery :00:
just like I don't wanna be the ugly duckling in the wedding pix :snooty:

I wanna just get hitched to someone whose equal to me on all those levels...and it's okie if he has different tastes...
I mean if he hates Star trek and is into something really weird ...I can handle that :cool:


Oh.. Have you watched the movie, Pretty Woman (just to counter Win a Date realism.. ).. Here is a just a hooker on hollywood blvd with pretty face, who has dreams of 'decent' life, and a rich millionaire dude who wants 'unquestioning' company.. and they hit it off, and some how the differences don't seem that big, and 'romance' wins.. Hollywood is a place of dreams.. and love must be too

okie ...roberts is as good looking as gere, they are both clever....and both have the same sort of outlook on life..
so perfect match :wink:


Money ain't everything :ahha:



First ask for his age, then his resume, then his color, then his taste on clothes, and his preference for job, and his IQ, and his 'genetic potential' and his last years tax return, and his asset list, and his...

nope as long as he has a PGCE, about the same IQ :wink: and is as average looking as me ... he'll never know what hit him :sm10:

of course if he is 10 years my junior all the better :wink: ...toy boys are all the rage these days :P :P :sm12: :sm12:



Well, let us see what happens in practical marriages. Generally girls look for someone who is better than them. Boys look for someone who is below them. No one infact looks for someone as good as him or her! Well, it is all that silly little ego, you see.

Marriage is about partnership...how can this be an equal partnership if you are mismatched to begin with? :think:

so what your saying is potentially all wives should defer to the better judgements of their husbands ...
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

I can see a problem with that...the wives who are so put upon will eventually rebel and the whole marriage would be in jeopardy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

when I say "in the same league" it doesn't mean wealth....

vasan
01-27-2005, 08:45 PM
you're calcultaing about every other aspects of your life why not love too?

Righttt... You could. Only that you will end up with a calculator for a heart.. :ahha:


romance does not equate to spontaneity

Perhaps. I didn't say love should start as a woosh and flame out as quickly. Romance simply means 'to heck with calculations and measurement'... Seriously.. go ahead and fall in love with some one who is just like you in every aspect. BUT, if you are looking and calculating and seeing if that person measures upto things you hold as important, then... sorry.. you can hire a partner, but can't fall in love.. .

You can have higher iq, lower income, look different and have a million different issues.. so who cares? If I love some one, do you thing I will insult her for her lower IQ? I love my wife, and do you think I will belittle her because she can't figure out the map?? Is love so shallow??

The problem of loving some one of equal stuff is what happens when life throws a curved ball.... I marry some one as good looking as me (hey, I didn't say I am handsome, but only that my wife is as good looking.. :wink:), and after a baby is she becomes bit deliciously plump.. Do I hate her now? What happens if I become sick (really really sick!).. Should my wife ditch and find some one of equal health?? :Ksp:

I marry some one of equal wealth, and good fortune strikes me, and I become richer. Do I ditch her and move on with my own circles?? (Don't tell me that fortune is to be equally shared.. :P :P Not in the world of prenups.. :P :P)..

On the other hand if love is gonna sustain you in the midst of ups and downs, why should we start from an equal plane?? What difference does it make?

Calculatively looking for 'equalness' is good for business. Irrationality is ok with love.. :P

Vasan

ps: If we have to look all the backgrounds and every other thing under the sun, every one should marry among their cousins of equal IQ, wealth, beauty, interests, and a million other things.. Atleast the culture part is taken care of because of being cousins.. :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: Sounds so much like what my ammamma says.. marry your cousin... Thats what we did.. :lol: :lol: :lol:

anainar
01-27-2005, 09:24 PM
marry your cousin

What is the gurantee that the cousin will have equal IQ? :wink:


and after a baby is she becomes bit deliciously plump

If you were swept off the feet by her beauty alone and decided to marry, this will be loss of the factor that you fell in love. That is what we are talking about. Being swept off is one thing. Being swept off for things that persistent is the other side.

Life does throw curved balls all the time. In some form or the other testing the bond. When the sweeping factor disappears, it is the other factors that keep the couples together.

Cheers

Bluelotus
01-27-2005, 10:47 PM
love in itself is beautiful, it's when you apply it to people that it becomes shallow.



And Teena would say ...that no body can be deliciously plump. :ahha: (I didn't say it...Teena would though :wink: )

Shy
01-28-2005, 04:21 AM
Good topic sweetlotus :b:

Konjam hectic, intha weekend reply panraen..carry on guys :)

Shy