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Shy
10-29-2005, 12:44 AM
This is a true story (thats what the show said)

A Guy's family after analyzing all the horoscopes that had come, choose a girl and went to see her. The guy and girl met alone, spent some time together, liked each other. So the guy family gave the green signal. 1 week later, a grand engagement took place. They had finalized marriage after 6 months.

It became normal that the guy and the girl spend daily few hours together with both side Oking it. 2 months passed. One bad day, the guy met with an accident. By gods grace he survived, but.. yes there is a but. He got a severe bang in his head, so he became slightly mentally retarded.

Now will you still take them as your partner or not?


Shy

yamini
10-29-2005, 01:31 AM
I did hear about the similar incident. My views is as follows:

Firstly, no denying fact that engagement has taken place.Hence, one should keep thier engagement promise fulfilled. But the present situation is entirly, different as the bridegromm is not in a position to identify the "engaged girl", so I won't go for marriage immediately .

Secondly,

Be engaged in activitiies in consultation with the in-laws and medical team on the possible outcome for bridegroom. If he is likley to come out of the "present mentally retarded situation" in a year or so, YES, I can wait . Otherwise, "NO" with greater sympathy as it would lead my entire family into "Mentally retarded situations" .

vasan
10-29-2005, 01:48 AM
Kalyanam aagi oru vaaram kalichchu accident aagi irunthaa? :Ksp: 'Until death do you part' - is altered to until accident makes it impossible to live with- huh>

Don't know what I will do if I am faced with such a situation... But I would like to think that I will stick to the girl. Mind is what is engaged - and every other stuff is just being legal/religious/tradition. And in my mind I am already hers - she already is mine. One week before, one week after or one year after shouldn't really matter.

But ofcourse, thats my personal view. Would I impose it on some one else, or think less of them if they can't make such committments... No, I wouldn't do that either. Life is a complex and often cruel thing. Each must find his or her own faith and dig into themselves to be what they want to be - and thats alright.

Would be sad, but hopefully strong enough to live as I think now..

vasan

Bluelotus
10-29-2005, 09:18 AM
A very difficult choice.

If I was the persn who was incapacitated, I would really really hate it if the person remains with me out of pity. In fact I wouldn't want them to even remain married to me. How could i want the person that I love to spend the rest of their lives in drudgery, looking after an invalid, not having a fulfilling life. If I could I would divorce them or break up the relationship myself.
It may be "'til death do us part" but I'd rather break my vows and give him his freedom and happiness...

What I would do I don't know,

It all depends on whether or not I love him. Not every engaged couple love each other. And to be frank it also depends on the level of his illness, if he is really "mentally handicaped" then would he not benefit far more from a nursemaid than a wife?


blue.

RaasuKutty
10-30-2005, 04:24 AM
It is a very difficult situation to answer.. tried couple of times to come to a conclusion but couldn't .. :? :? :?

Shy
10-30-2005, 06:15 PM
Vasan.. kandeepa antha mathiri think pani.. after marriage enna pani iruka mudiyumnu ellam intha kaalathula yosicka mudiyaathu.. because people are so modern ippo ellam.. even after marriage, unless they are in true love.. just because they are married, they are boundnu kooda sola mudiyaathu vasan.. unless there is a child, antha mathiri responsibility illaina.. they can always choose...

Another case irukku.. parents relation kula pesi, they marry their daughter to this guy whom she never meets till the marriage date. the guys parents hid the fact that antha guy is "manam valarchi kundriya paiyan"... konjam thikki thikku pesuvaanu matum soli irukaanga.. frist night yethum kooda sariyaa theriyalainu antha ponnu vanthu, i dont want to be with guynu after eppo solra theriyumma 3 years... she says, avanga parents, marriage panina sariya poidumnu oru nambikai vachu irunthaanga i guess, so i too tired.. but he never seems to change, i dont want to be with him anymorenu solra.. avalai thappu sola mudiyumma.. the very marriage day she could have walked away... but avalum 3 years try pani parthu iruka illaiyaa.. now she wants to lead a peaceful life.. enna solrathu sollunga??

Shy

yamini
10-31-2005, 01:50 AM
In general, the quest for "married life" is to have a "Peace" among individuals, family, friends and society.When "PEACE" is threatened and likely to get into "PIECES" due other factors due to irresponsibility, non-recoverable blunders and accidents, social issues and other issues pointed out by Geetham Teacher-SHY, one has to think twice to take the decision rationally not by emotionally.I don't find any other valid reasons but to say "NO" to get married to the Guy in the above situations.

Shy
10-31-2005, 02:00 AM
Very good yamini :b: nicely put..

Shy

yamini
10-31-2005, 02:09 AM
Very good yamini :b: nicely put..

Shy

Thanks Shy.Occasionally :think: I do my home work correctly :wink:

valluvan
10-31-2005, 07:00 AM
Kalyanam aagi oru vaaram kalichchu accident aagi irunthaa? :Ksp: 'Until death do you part' - is altered to until accident makes it impossible to live with- huh>



When I saw Shy's post, I was about to ask this qustion. No one can answer this question. I pray to almighty that anyone in the world face this situation in their life. I hate debating on this question. "poonai kaNNai katti kitta world iruNdu poidum"-nu nenachchukkumaamee... adhu maathiri.

~~~~~

Well, shy's post seems to be simple while comparing to Vasan's question. It's purely the girl's decision and how she spent her time (not in the other sense) with him. But practicality is reality than roaming in imagination.

To be practical, even though she loved him a lot, she should say 'No' to him and lead a good & peaceful life with a more suitable dude compared to this poor fellow. She will surely get a better & nicer guy for her nice character than this poor fellow. :b:

itechlegend
10-31-2005, 11:04 PM
empa.. ithu last week visu'win arattai arangathil vantha oru ponnuku nadantha unmai sambavam... even after the entire family members, friends of that girl say no to marry that guy. this girl opposed everyone and married that guy.. during marriage in manavarai the guy is still in mentally retarted state only ( i dono how this possible as per hindu marriage act - during marriage both of them should be in there self conscious if not marriage is invalid ) later after marriage all that the girl have to say support is just one chitti of hers not even friends...

then atlast after few years she fought against time and fate and cured her husband and now she is living happily with even a boy child...

even that guy was shown in the arattai arangam diaz and visu shake hands with him...

lets come to point....
if this is my case, to be practical , 100% sure i will stop the marriage if i found the chances of curing is less than 80%.

namaku ellam kalyanam apdirarthu vazhkaila oru murai than.. we are not westernised in marriages though we are in style and fashion.. especially am not..

so vazhkaila oru murai pannika pora oru periya nalla visayatha yarum thappa seyya maatanga...seyyavum koodathu..
love panni iruntha kooda, etho feelings and emotions nu sollalam..
ithu verum engagement than, athvum periyavanga ellam parthu korthu vitathu..
aprum enna... ???
engagement pannathuku aprum vantha conditional love thana ithu..
so just like a normal programming "if" statement..
if a love can able to blossom conditionally why cant it break for some other condition ... ???
even more simpler

if (you think pure love)
then proceed
else
while (you are not in love with nyone)
for(i, n = [bride/groom photos])
i=i+n[1]
next i

note:
aratai arangathil visu antha ponnu kita kettar.. "un ottumotha family ethirtha pothu kooda unku epdi ivara than kalyanam pannanum nu oru idea vanthuchu...
for that the girl replied - avar mela vachiruntha anbu than sir karanam
i dono wat anbu she kept on that guy after engagement within that short period...

ithelam medaila yaaravathu pesina ketutu kai thatrarthku than nalla irukum...
real practical life'la othu varathu...

this is my opinion and not argument...

Minnie
11-01-2005, 01:49 AM
[quote="itechlegend"]

namaku ellam kalyanam apdirarthu vazhkaila oru murai than.. we are not westernised in marriages though we are in style and fashion.. especially am not..

so vazhkaila oru murai pannika pora oru periya nalla visayatha yarum thappa seyya maatanga...seyyavum koodathu..
love panni iruntha kooda, etho feelings and emotions nu sollalam..
ithu verum engagement than, athvum periyavanga ellam parthu korthu vitathu..
aprum enna... ???
engagement pannathuku aprum vantha conditional love thana ithu.. quote]

itech what is that conditional love?????
ya i agree life is once so do the love.....
basically whats engagement??? --- it is to nothing but introducing bride and groom with their parents right.....and after that they turn to be lovers and wait for marriage right......
no matter what the time period is,,,,but within that short period they came to know each other,,,,if the marriage was fixed by forcing the girl,,,then i would say to find another guy,,,,but what she did is something the love she had for him.............

yavoos
11-01-2005, 09:15 PM
It is a personal choice depending on how deep they love each other.

itechlegend
11-03-2005, 07:20 AM
itech what is that conditional love?????


ithu theriyatha..
nichayam pannita.. vera vazhi illa.. ivan than namaku and ava than enaku nu oru
condition'la vara love than nan apdi mean panninen,,,

sWEEtmICHe
11-16-2005, 08:01 AM
the stepping stone of LOVE is the ready of accepting..........!!
whether rain or shine........, but it all depends ...,in the soft corner of a heart!!
thanks shy beauty .....great topic :b:

coolbuddydhil
11-16-2005, 08:43 AM
Hi
naan indha forum ku puthusu.....
unga discussion ellam neraya dimensions la yosikka vaikuthu .....
but .... oru chinna kelvi thonuthu....
ponnum payyanum 2 months pesi palaguna avanga unmaya rendu perum oruthara oruthar purunjukka mudiuma....
andha 2 months la rendu perumae avangaloda best traits a mattum thana expose panna try pannirupaanga ...... oruthara oruthar attract panna thana try pannirupaanga ...
Can u really understand a person to the extent of spending ur lifetime with him with in continuous dating of 2 hrs daily for 2 months ??
ok ...3 yrs wait panni kalyanam pannitu - avan andha ponnu nenacha maathiri illana ithanayum waste aayiratha ??
ithellam normal a vara bayam - itha base a vachu kalyanatha vendaamnu sollanuma
inga neraya peroda bathil "its gud to quit" appidingara maathiri....
inga love na enna, eppidi nu puriala ??
5 yrs love panni kalyanam pannikiravanga kooda sila samayam solraanga - its not the same person I was in love with - appidinu.....
rendu perum 24 hrs onna, ore veetula ellathayum share pannikum bothu than - rendu peroda other side therinjukka mudiuthu .....
then what difference does it make ??
is "living to gether" concept ok ??....
they live together, where they are exposed 100 % to one another ..... they decide whether to continue or quit .....
but ippidiyae ovvoruthara try pannitu pogavum mudiathu ......
so arranged marriage o, illa love marriage o - ellathulayum ur confined to something...
appa ethuthan true .... inga adjustment+ comprimise + sacrifice irukum bothu anga enga love varuthu ??
I know its out of the topic .... may be im confused or couldnt put it in right way ...
if so - indha siruvanai mannikavum :)

Minnie
11-16-2005, 05:24 PM
coolbuddy my head is suthyfying now?????

Sruti
11-16-2005, 05:46 PM
All depends on our thalai eluthu...

We can stop few things and few things we cant....

Minnie
11-16-2005, 09:03 PM
does my thalai eluthu is suthifying?????

dinesh
11-16-2005, 09:16 PM
I say love me not......

Minnie
11-16-2005, 09:26 PM
dinesh who is asking you to love.................

whats going on....

Priyam2004
11-21-2005, 11:28 PM
The best thing to do under the circumstances is go ahead with the marriage. It will surely be difficult to make this decision...but what one has to think abt here is - if something as such happened after the marriage...then what?? Like so...an engagement is like half the marriage complete...so........go ahead!!


I say love me not......
Huh?? :? :? Puriyalai Dinesh :Ksp:

Shy
12-01-2005, 04:25 PM
Priyam.. marriage aana appuram kooda they are splitting up... so marriage commitment ellam when it comes to reality and comfortablity romba kashtam ippo ellam....

also engagement aachae athukaaga seiyanumnu sencha will her or her parents be happy?

Shy