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katteri
02-04-2007, 10:29 PM
I think it is better to have a healthy discussion and provide some tips for people who are planning to get married....

after seeing the discussion in this thread:
http://www.geetham.net/forums/showthread.php?t=21911

This thread will serve three purpose:
First: what sort of questions we need to ask them?
Second: How can we check the character of the partner?
finally, by having this thread we can also increase the awareness of people...


I think this thread requires much contribution from all of US.....WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE....

I was involved in one such assignment to help my friend last month....he got stuck up and he asked my help....

I cudn't find an immediate solution for wht sort of qns do we need to ask her in a brief visit?????


FAMILY GUYS LIKE shy, sri, miche and others can give their experience and ppl who r planning to get married may benefit from this....


Tomorrow i will update with questions we framed......

Narayana
02-05-2007, 01:26 AM
The boy and the girl needs to spend time together... months aanaalum paRavaalai. One day pONNu pakkaraa, immediately yes or no sollaRaa - that won't work (Thats one place where love marriage scores.) atleast thats what i believe.

oru sidelaya nikkaraen... experience uLLavaa sollungO... :)

emyesbee
02-05-2007, 02:04 AM
Very simple....get on with the life you have been offered that is it....this is my policy....

emyesbee
02-05-2007, 02:11 AM
Investigation (of a person) never can be complete. Its just like research; there is no end to it. But at some point of time you have to close it and then start writing your thesis and submit.

ns80
02-05-2007, 03:25 AM
Katz,
I dont think there is a fool proof answer to this question. No matter how much you investigate or talk over, you will never get to know the real self of the person. especially oru ponnoda vazhkaya edhukku namba spoil pannanum'nu unmaya maraikkaravanga ethanayo per irukkanga, it maybe for good or for the bad.

As MSB says, once committed you have to accept the person for whatever (s)he is.

vasan_torrent
02-05-2007, 06:07 AM
4 kelvi kettu, rendu program ezhutha solli kaNNaalam kattikka, vaazhakkai enna programmer job-aa? appadi ellaam yosithaa, ennoda chinese friends toefl exam ezhuthinaa maathiri, people artham puriyaamaiye answers ellaam manappadam panniduvaanga... :nono: :nono:

வள்ளுவன் அங்கிள் சொன்னா மாதிரி..

எப்பொருள் யார்யார் வாய்கேட்பி னும் அப்பொருள்
மெய்ப்பொரு ள் காண்ப தறிவு..

eduththOm pudichchomnnu pannamana. konjam pazhaki pEsi, appuRamaa ok solrathuthaan nallathunnu paduthu.. :b:

Either that, or get swept away by her 'whatever'.. (beauty, smile, walk, whatever catches your fancy.. ).. aanaanappatta

ராமனும் சீதையும் 'விழுந்த' கதைய, கம்பன் சொன்னான்..

'அண்ணலும் நோக்கினாள் , அவளும் நோக்கினாள் '

அப்படின்னு . யார்க்கு தெரியும்.. சிலருக்கு கரண்ட் கம்பில வருது..

சிலருக்கு மின்னலா அடிச்சி தாக்குது..

~~~~~~~~~~

Katz,

Useful-aa onnum ezhutha thOnala.. etho 'dumeel' vittu irukken.. kaNdukaatheenga.. :ee: ellaam inthe super-bowl ennoda team kaali-aanathinaala vanththa 'karuththuS'.. :ee:

v-

DOMINIQUE`
02-05-2007, 04:26 PM
hi guys,
well this is very difficult Q, how to select a partner?
which angle all are looking , as nowadays alot of differences..
and mindset changes like water,nothing is fixed katteri....
one moment this and next is that......:mjpu;r;rp:
i am very lucky to have zep as my life partner,as he is best of best:b:

Shy
02-05-2007, 06:19 PM
hmm..

Tough question when it comes to arranged marriage Captain. dont rush into anything. Always give time before commiting. 1-2 months of talk before engagement and atleast 4-5 months after engagement, appuram marriage pananum.

Guy is coming on a vacation for 3 weeks, athukula ponnu paarthu mudikanumnu iruka kudaathu. Girls shudnt accept that offer at all. Lots of telugu families do that. my friends friend is a golti... he went on a 4 weeks vacation to India, first week saw around 25 girls and second week finalized one and got married to her and 2 weeks of marriage life, came back here. its been 1 year and shes yet to come. Where do u think their relationship is :doh: :doh:

Give lots of time before making a commitment if what i would say. I will not agree to sakthi or nana.. kedaichathai vachutu adjust pani irukanumnu eppadi sola mudiyum.. if that person is a pyscho sollunga? yethoo nambo nenaicha mathiri perfect person illai. but i am very happy in that relationshipna u can compromise on certain things and lead a life. yethumae illama, yen oru lifela appadi kashta padanum..athukku porumaiyaa yosichu nalla pazhakki appuram decision yeduakalaamae?

So captain.. what i can say is

(1) Dont rush on anything.
(2) Dont start having feelings at the first sight.
(3) Spend lots of time talking/getting to know each other
(4) Evaluate if you can lead ur entire life with that person, appuram make a decision.

Finally, go for love-arranged marriages :ee:

Shy

Idiot
02-05-2007, 06:43 PM
hmm..

Tough question when it comes to arranged marriage Captain. dont rush into anything. Always give time before commiting. 1-2 months of talk before engagement and atleast 4-5 months after engagement, appuram marriage pananum.

Shy

appadiyae paatha payyan vaangara sambalam ellam phone billukae kodukanum. vidaya vidaya kadalai podanum ellam sollunga :snooty: :snooty: :oops: Phone bill katta porathu ellam payyan thannae ;)

Sorry katz, naan solla koodathunnu thaan irunthaen yen vaai kekka mataenguthu. mannichudungo :pray:

katteri
02-05-2007, 06:53 PM
Makkale don't rush......

One minute.....


I suggested my friend to ask so many questions, go for a chat.....

Then we can come to a conclusion.....

Some of the question we asked were:

Please discuss what your plans/ goals/ ambitions are
What are your family like
Your views on family life, development of children.
What is the best way of raising children and making them disciplined?
What is most important for you MONEY, VISION, PRINCIPLE, WORK or PERSONAL GOALS?
How do you solve any indifferences occurring within the family?
What do you do in free time?
Do you expect your partner to be interactive with your friends and vice versa?
If someone has done wrong, do you apologise him/her? If so how long will it take for you to apologise him/her?
How do you lead your life now and how do you like to be lead
What are your views on community, culture, society?
What are your views on religion?
Finally why do you want to marry?
Based upon our interactions how do you define me?

Ask so many questions.....

My another friend was betrayed by the girl's family.....This guy is a food lover, when he went to see the girl, they served him delicious food. he asked them who made the food...They said its her....

After marriage he came to know, that she doesn't know even to make a coffee....

I agree there is no a single approach for selecting the right person, of course we cant keep silent without investigating..............


my friend used these questions + some more on chat...and so far he says it helps him to understand.....the girl better........

Pls add if u have More tips


One thing I came to know is being honest.........

being honest is more important in marriage.....
u cant compromise....

if u compromise....u have to compromise in everything.....

Oru anubhuvasthar,,,!!!!!!!!!

Shy
02-05-2007, 06:54 PM
money mukiyama.. illai life long torture mukiyamanu avanga avanga thaan decide panikanum ;) enna naan solrathu..

Shy

katteri
02-05-2007, 06:57 PM
money mukiyama.. illai life long torture mukiyamanu avanga avanga thaan decide panikanum ;) enna naan solrathu..

Shy

aathangaa solrenn,.,

INVESTIGATE,....SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK....

ANY OTHER TIPS

coolian
02-05-2007, 07:07 PM
Please discuss what your plans/ goals/ ambitions are
What are your family like
Your views on family life, development of children.
What is the best way of raising children and making them disciplined?
What is most important for you MONEY, VISION, PRINCIPLE, WORK or PERSONAL GOALS?
How do you solve any indifferences occurring within the family?
What do you do in free time?
Do you expect your partner to be interactive with your friends and vice versa?
If someone has done wrong, do you apologise him/her? If so how long will it take for you to apologise him/her?
How do you lead your life now and how do you like to be lead
What are your views on community, culture, society?
What are your views on religion?
Finally why do you want to marry?
Based upon our interactions how do you define me?Wow. Sounds more like a job application.

Shy
02-05-2007, 07:08 PM
being honestttt :ee: :ee: in arranged marriages.. will never work..

summava antha kaalathula periyavanga sonaanga, 1000 poi soliyaavathu marriage panalaamnu ..

honesty in arranged marriages never work captain :)

Shy

katteri
02-05-2007, 07:13 PM
[/color][/font]
[/list]Wow. Sounds more like a job application.

Another friend said the same thing......

I said to him, see mate if a prospective employer wants to take u they ask u 1000 of questions....

This is a life partner issue....

If she doesn't reply it shows she is not interested....Ignore her.....

If she cant think abt wht to write....these basic questions,.....better live as a single......
rather than living with compromise every day

Sri
02-05-2007, 07:13 PM
Some of the question we asked were:

Please discuss what your plans/ goals/ ambitions are
What are your family like
Your views on family life, development of children.
What is the best way of raising children and making them disciplined?
What is most important for you MONEY, VISION, PRINCIPLE, WORK or PERSONAL GOALS?
How do you solve any indifferences occurring within the family?
What do you do in free time?
Do you expect your partner to be interactive with your friends and vice versa?
If someone has done wrong, do you apologise him/her? If so how long will it take for you to apologise him/her?
How do you lead your life now and how do you like to be lead
What are your views on community, culture, society?
What are your views on religion?
Finally why do you want to marry?
Based upon our interactions how do you define me?


You mean a guy answered all these questions? I've got to see this guy..

Sri

katteri
02-05-2007, 07:14 PM
being honestttt :ee: :ee: in arranged marriages.. will never work..

summava antha kaalathula periyavanga sonaanga, 1000 poi soliyaavathu marriage panalaamnu ..

honesty in arranged marriages never work captain :)

Shy

U need to believe in honesty......


if not life will be like manal kairu

katteri
02-05-2007, 07:16 PM
You mean a guy answered all these questions? I've got to see this guy..

Sri
Excuse me.....

My friend got reply from atleast 5 girls for this .........


He also replied them the answers for all, to let them know what he was expecting the answer to be........

Sri
02-05-2007, 07:26 PM
Excuse me.....

My friend got reply from atleast 5 girls for this .........


He also replied them the answers for all, to let them know what he was expecting the answer to be........

Oh, I mistook it. I thought the girl was asking the questions. Now, it's more intriguing that the guy is asking all these questions. This friend of yours is he interviewing girls in India like this?

So, with all the questioning done, when would the romancing start? Will the guy suddenly decide "Ok, she got 15 out of my 20 questions right, so she suits the role of my wife and I'll start romancing now"?

These sort of guys are never happy even after marriage. They'd start comparing their wives with others and find some fault.. I'd go with MSB and NS80 and say live with what you've got unless the guy turns out to be a moron or a sadist. Marriage is based on emotions and cannot be so clinically analysed and questioned.

Sri

katteri
02-05-2007, 07:36 PM
Oh, I mistook it. I thought the girl was asking the questions. Now, it's more intriguing that the guy is asking all these questions. This friend of yours is he interviewing girls in India like this?

So, with all the questioning done, when would the romancing start? Will the guy suddenly decide "Ok, she got 15 out of my 20 questions right, so she suits the role of my wife and I'll start romancing now"?

These sort of guys are never happy even after marriage. They'd start comparing their wives with others and find some fault.. I'd go with MSB and NS80 and say live with what you've got unless the guy turns out to be a moron or a sadist. Marriage is based on emotions and cannot be so clinically analysed and questioned.

Sri

U can't play with emotion.....

anything in excess is a poison...same is with emotion....

Emotion can't be questioned....r u sure abt this...

I love u ....do u love me ??
says a guy to gal...


IS THIS NOT A QN??
We need to ask questions sri if not how can we know

emyesbee
02-05-2007, 07:56 PM
Life after marriage is not a company where people work for salary. Asking these questions will become as a whole like a job interview. And there is every reason to believe when one person comes to know (s)he is questioning (s)he will answer differently (otherthan truth). We can ask them but it should be in a way that no one can infer that he is questioning. After all its not an job interview. So, fiorst mingle, then slowly you will come to know the things even without asking these questions. Its not that you ahve to ask these questions just talk with them generally you can get all you want. Its the matter of how we approach rather than what to ask. In other words how to ask is more important than what to ask.

When I met Sruti before our marriage I jsut talked generally no questions like the set of questions above. General talking itself will give you a nice impression. Infact our chemistry was so good that from the first day we could understand each other that well not necessary to say we had 10 poruthams :)

Having a set of questions and producing it before (s)he is just looks like a business deal. Life can be busy but life is not business :)

vasan
02-05-2007, 09:04 PM
Infact our chemistry was so good that from the first day we could understand each other that well not necessary to say we had 10 poruthams :Gd;dif:


me have this 'chemistry' with meet pannura every second girl....

I can perfectly understand what they say.. ennai paththithaan enakku theriyala.. naan enna panna? :Ksp:

v- :wink:

emyesbee
02-05-2007, 09:07 PM
Most difficult problem: Know thyself

But for marriage we need to understand only our comapanion not ourself :)

Sri
02-06-2007, 12:01 AM
But for marriage we need to understand only our comapanion not ourself :)

Spoken like a wise man, MSB. :)

emyesbee
02-06-2007, 12:50 AM
Surely, I can write a whole book on how to live peacefully after marriage. :)

Shy
02-06-2007, 01:21 AM
Very good Sakthi :b: :b: :b:

Captain,

The reason I said so is because... truth is not accepted with open arms everywhere. Lets say a guy was like a playboy in his early years. He changed a lot and wants to settle down with a girl (think other side also) so these situations, how many will be open enough to accept them as partner.. not everyone is puthiya pathai seethai u know.

Shy

Narayana
02-06-2007, 01:42 AM
me have this 'chemistry' with meet pannura every second girl....

:sm12: :sm12:

:b: MSB

Idiot
02-06-2007, 08:42 AM
MSB :b: :b: perfect words.

Coming up to the set of questions and answers, as MSB said it should not be asked giving 3 hours of time and fill it up. apparam 'Maplai' ithu ellam kekuraarunnu ellarum copy adikka aarambichuduvaanga. neriya website/newspapers 'Ponnu/maplai pakurai question paper' ingae kedaikkum'nu advertise panni business aakiduvaanga. Apparam namma athai onlinela upload/download panni koduthukittu irupoom :doh:

When we talk about arranged marriage, take your time to fix up the girl/guy. It should not be like fixing up and finishing up in one week. I dont say its wrong, its tougher in this fast world. Both Guy/Girl will have lot of expectations. We can have adjustment but not compromise in life atleast in marriage. 'Yaaroda venumnaaalum eppadi venumnaalum irunthuduvaen' appadingaratha vittutu 'Ennoda frequency ullava(n) kooda irupaen' - life become bit smoother here.

When we talk about Love marriage decisions should not be fast. 'Kandathu kaadhal, ketathum kaadhal, ava sepu dress potu iruntha pudichathu, ivan messai vechu iruntha pudichathu :Ksp: :Ksp:' appadinnu sonna Vasan sonna pola ellarukkum paakurae rendu perulae oruthiya pudikkum. First please interact, try to know each other. When you move on at one point of time you will get that 'feel' that time you both will have the same feelings and there wont be any problem or confusion in love.

On the other way if you mean to say What are the points/things girl/girls parents must consider before choosing the guy/girl. We can say What are all the mistakes we have seen. So we can just take precautionary measures like may be we can enquire athukaaga Degree certificate originalaannu university poi ellam paakarathu konjam too much. :ee:

ippo thaikku ithu pothum. velai irukku. apparam vanthu ezhutharaen. :Ksp:

Narayana
02-06-2007, 11:43 AM
Coming up to the set of questions and answers, as MSB said it should not be asked giving 3 hours of time and fill it up. apparam 'Maplai' ithu ellam kekuraarunnu ellarum copy adikka aarambichuduvaanga. neriya website/newspapers 'Ponnu/maplai pakurai question paper' ingae kedaikkum'nu advertise panni business aakiduvaanga.
:sm12:
and tution classes and crash courses too... "Teach yourself pONNu paakk-ing in 24 hours"

vasan
02-06-2007, 07:16 PM
:sm12:
and tution classes and crash courses too... "Teach yourself pONNu paakk-ing in 24 hours"

And couple of books:

poNNU parkkuthal for Dummies.

Lena TamilVaananin - PoNNU parka eLiya vazhikal eNpathu..

v- :sm12:

Minnie
02-06-2007, 07:58 PM
:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: so many questions :eek:

i am pretty sure i can bear with few questions,,but if that guy keeps on nagging with more and more questions like interviewing me for every talk sure i will tell poda neeyum,,unn questions'um Better luck dude solli will go ;)

what if the girl just answers for namesake,,,for example -- if someone questions me like this and i answer it so well just to impress him,,later on i marry but some point i tell him after yrs that i was kidding with my answers,,,my god will there be a question mark in my future:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp:

msb'naa super :D

Idiot
02-06-2007, 08:00 PM
:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: so many questions :eek:

i am pretty sure i can bear with few questions,,but if that guy keeps on nagging with more and more questions like interviewing me for every talk sure i will tell poda neeyum,,unn questions'um Better luck dude solli will go ;)

what if the girl just answers for namesake,,,for example -- if someone questions me like this and i answer it so well just to impress him,,later on i marry but some point i tell him after yrs that i was kidding with my answers,,,my god will there be a question mark in my future:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp:

msb'naa super :D

yemma life matterla namesake ellam vilaiyaduveengala.. :snooty: :oops: :doh:

enna ulagamada ithu :( :-?

Minnie
02-06-2007, 08:09 PM
yemma life matterla namesake ellam vilaiyaduveengala.. :snooty: :oops: :doh:

enna ulagamada ithu :( :-?

comon its life right,,then why the heck so many question& answer like exam/interview :mad: :twisted: :twisted: if you start questioning,,,do you think it will stop ??? from one question another kutti question will rise and it goes on and on and on :oops: :oops: :oops: athukulla parents will start searching another...

like sri mentioned you wont find time for romance...;)

Just tell me this,,,was your parents or was my parents were allowed to question like this or to put so many kadalai's before their marriage??? arent they happy with each other :D
Of course today we have changed a lot and prefer to choose our partners by looking,chatting,,isnt it clever to make use of the oppurtunity rather than all this questioning :-? just by question ( athuvum not prepared by yourself ) do you really think you can find a perfect match :evil: the more you talk in general and move with the person only you can atleast try to find something about them ;)
It all depends on how each other takes it and go thru it :D

Idiot
02-06-2007, 08:12 PM
Did you read my previous post and my views or not Ms. Minnal ??????? :think:

katteri
02-06-2007, 09:58 PM
:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp: so many questions :eek:

i am pretty sure i can bear with few questions,,but if that guy keeps on nagging with more and more questions like interviewing me for every talk sure i will tell poda neeyum,,unn questions'um Better luck dude solli will go ;)

what if the girl just answers for namesake,,,for example -- if someone questions me like this and i answer it so well just to impress him,,later on i marry but some point i tell him after yrs that i was kidding with my answers,,,my god will there be a question mark in my future:mjpu;r;rp: :mjpu;r;rp:

msb'naa super :D

There is a trick in asking qns....its similar to psychological tests....ask qns in diff ways.....


First thing:
If u don't commit to answer....it means that u r no longer interested....

Asking qns...doesn't mean its bad....

It opens a way of encouraging discussion....

I mostly view things +ve in life...and I hope i cud help my friend to find a suitable partner of his taste....

Asking qns also shows how the guy has planned his life......


I said to my friend...if the girl doesn;t reply u...say goodbye.....

u dont want to marry someone, for the name sake.....

Idiot
02-06-2007, 10:03 PM
I mostly view things +ve in life...and I hope i cud help my friend to find a suitable partner of his taste....



How can someone (friend) can decide a life partner for a person?
When we say we get 1000 problems if our parents chose it how come a friend can choose life partner?

Then again, If one guy unable to choose a life partner on his own, and if his friends helps him in choosing the same how he can live the rest of life and there are 1000 other important decisions to be taken in life? :?

katteri
02-06-2007, 11:34 PM
How can someone (friend) can decide a life partner for a person?
When we say we get 1000 problems if our parents chose it how come a friend can choose life partner?

Then again, If one guy unable to choose a life partner on his own, and if his friends helps him in choosing the same how he can live the rest of life and there are 1000 other important decisions to be taken in life? :?

U completely misunderstood wht i meant to say...

I am helping...him rather than influencing the decision....



Good reply..IIg...

But there are friends who respect u, look at u for making decisions.....seeking suggestions....


HE considers me as a well wisher to him....It adds me to act in a responsible way

suriyan80
02-07-2007, 01:06 PM
:00:
Originally Posted by iig
yemma life matterla namesake ellam vilaiyaduveengala..

enna ulagamada ithu.
:) :b:

butterfly
02-07-2007, 07:56 PM
I suggested my friend to ask so many questions, go for a chat.....

Then we can come to a conclusion.....

Some of the question we asked were:

Please discuss what your plans/ goals/ ambitions are
What are your family like
Your views on family life, development of children.
What is the best way of raising children and making them disciplined?
What is most important for you MONEY, VISION, PRINCIPLE, WORK or PERSONAL GOALS?
How do you solve any indifferences occurring within the family?
What do you do in free time?
Do you expect your partner to be interactive with your friends and vice versa?
If someone has done wrong, do you apologise him/her? If so how long will it take for you to apologise him/her?
How do you lead your life now and how do you like to be lead
What are your views on community, culture, society?
What are your views on religion?
Finally why do you want to marry?
Based upon our interactions how do you define me?But there are friends who respect u, look at u for making decisions.....seeking suggestions....


HE considers me as a well wisher to him....It adds me to act in a responsible way


Katteri,
I see that ur very concerned about ur friend & want wats best for him...but this is my opinion...I havent read all the comments..

No gal will be willing to give such details to a stranger...even if it was a proposal....& if she does answer then
1) she is being sarcastic & wudnt give u a proper answer.
2) she is too naive & out of fear for her parents answering those questions.

Shy
02-07-2007, 11:47 PM
Well said pattams :b: :b:

at a timela poi examkku Questionkku kekura mathiri kekarthai vida.. oru 3-4 months pesi pazhaki.. antha personai purinchuka try panalaam :b:

Shy

Shy

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 12:18 AM
oru 3-4 months pesi pazhaki.. antha personai purinchuka try panalaam

u say this after nichayatharthamm :think:

or before nichayathartham...after 3 months palagi ennaku pidikalinnu solleetu pona.....oru ponnuko/ellai oru payanko eppadi erukum...

just my opinion is talk before nichayathartham (may be few days)and if u like just have faith in them and do nichayathartham...that is so simple. Then face the life with bold face. My strong belief is just go with whatever u have in life.

I do not take marriage as a big deal at all. If u think it is big deal u need to spend more time investigating a person with detectives. Just have faith, accept and face whatever u face in life.

coolian
02-08-2007, 12:57 AM
just my opinion is talk before nichayathartham (may be few days)and if u like just have faith in them and do nichayathartham...that is so simple. Then face the life with bold face. My strong belief is just go with whatever u have in life.
:00: So you're totally fine with deciding in a "few days" about someone you will be with for the rest of your life, and leave the rest up to fate?

I'll pass.

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 01:24 AM
yes ofcourse. If u have to decide abt palagi, anubavichu....life will be over...so we can live without marriage.....like a aadu maadu...whenever...we want.....ok..ok fill it up :b:

one of my faculty used to say abt research...that will very well hold for this....

if mod feel this is not good please remove it :)

uuncha pona sometime we ahve to stop or else we have to wait until our life for the last drop :sm12:

coolian
02-08-2007, 03:31 AM
yes ofcourse. If u have to decide abt palagi, anubavichu....life will be over...
Definitely not. That's one extreme.

Making a decision about your life in just a few days is the other extreme.

Relax, get to know the person well enough and then go right ahead. That should take a few months.

ns80
02-08-2007, 03:56 AM
naan 'accept what you have'nu dhaan sonnen. time edukka koodadhunu sonnena. pattams and sakthi covered a few points i wanted to say. first of all, i donno if the 2 people get to meet more than one time in person to discuss what they want. IMO, first thing to ask is if the person is interested in getting married (not bcos of parents forcing them) then what he/she wants to do in their career and where one wants to settle would be the important things to ask. Those are things you can expect a honest answer. You'll never know if it is the truth when you ask personal questions. How a person express their self to a total stranger ? I dont think there is anything romantic about it either.

Most couples start talking only after their engagement. Thats when you get to know atleast a little of the other person. engagement'kum wedding'kum 4-5 months gap vidanum'nu teacher sonnanga. unmaya sollunga ethana ponnu veetla idhukku othukkuvanga. am not talking in the case where one person is outside India. that case it is usually around the time you said. Morover, engagement'ku apparam pesareenga, edhavadhu pidikkalena udane wedding'a cancel panniduveengala ?

MA made one point, did our parents talk to each other like the present generation does ? That reminds me of an incident. I have a friend who is a chettiar, he once was talking about weddings a generation earlier in his community. kalyanam anniku payyana mandapathukku welcome pannum podhu ponna ponnoda athai kootitu varuvangalaam. appo dhaan they used to see each other for the first time.

teacher oru point sonnanga 'arranged marraiges never work'nu. its a way too generalized statement. tell me evlo lovers orutharku oruthar truthful'a irukkanga. no matter however truthful you are, life after marraige is a totally different ballgame alltogether. IMO thats when you really get to know a person's real character. There are so many couples in our parents' generation that have worked. Personally I too agree with love-arranged marraiges. But most parents dont agree to that. From what I've seen 1 in 10 parents agree.

suha
02-08-2007, 04:28 AM
PA nee ya evolo big post potta :eek:

..................

I dont know how about muslim cultuer.....but one of freind say (paki)

pakistan la etho some vilage....anga face pakamalaiye maried pani vaipangalam.....:mjpu;r;rp: only guy thaan phot paathu ok solivangalam...girl ku pic kuda not showingaam:oops: ....only first night la thaan girl guy face pakaumaam :Ksp: how strange :-? antha face pidkleina.....apdiye va life otta mudiyum :oops:

I am very shocked...

sWEEtmICHe
02-08-2007, 04:31 AM
nandri katteri ..
feelings ippa naan poreen....... ....:sm34:....
i will put up ma words !!---paarpoom :?

Idiot
02-08-2007, 03:08 PM
naan 'accept what you have'nu dhaan sonnen. time edukka koodadhunu sonnena. pattams and sakthi covered a few points i wanted to say. first of all, i donno if the 2 people get to meet more than one time in person to discuss what they want. IMO, first thing to ask is if the person is interested in getting married (not bcos of parents forcing them) then what he/she wants to do in their career and where one wants to settle would be the important things to ask. Those are things you can expect a honest answer. You'll never know if it is the truth when you ask personal questions. How a person express their self to a total stranger ? I dont think there is anything romantic about it either.

I think this is good. But the place to settle matters once if the girl/guy is abroad :ahha: or both living in two different countries :( or in any of the other chances.

Why is this important? Just Imagine Guy is living and planning to settle in US and the girl what they haev found is a doctor from India. She may be interested in her practice in India and moreover her study become invalid atleast M.B.B.S. alone is not more valid in US. Like this kind of situation have to take care of.



Most couples start talking only after their engagement. Thats when you get to know atleast a little of the other person. engagement'kum wedding'kum 4-5 months gap vidanum'nu teacher sonnanga. unmaya sollunga ethana ponnu veetla idhukku othukkuvanga. am not talking in the case where one person is outside India. that case it is usually around the time you said. Morover, engagement'ku apparam pesareenga, edhavadhu pidikkalena udane wedding'a cancel panniduveengala ?

Valid point. :b: Engagement = half marriage. :ee: So if a guy or girl want to interact and marry, they have to do it before engagement itself. Otherwise If they are engaged and during their interaction they can mould themselves to life with each other.



MA made one point, did our parents talk to each other like the present generation does ? That reminds me of an incident. I have a friend who is a chettiar, he once was talking about weddings a generation earlier in his community. kalyanam anniku payyana mandapathukku welcome pannum podhu ponna ponnoda athai kootitu varuvangalaam. appo dhaan they used to see each other for the first time.

Same reply to Micky, We cannot talk about the generation gap here. See my mom did only schooling. Most of our moms are stopped in their schooling and may be little bit higher. Not more than that. Athoda they are married almost 25 years before. Are we living in the same society and same culture now. Absolutely not. Here I am not at all blaming Arranged marriage. I mean to say its based on the mentality of two persons who are marrying.



teacher oru point sonnanga 'arranged marraiges never work'nu. its a way too generalized statement. tell me evlo lovers orutharku oruthar truthful'a irukkanga. no matter however truthful you are, life after marraige is a totally different ballgame alltogether. IMO thats when you really get to know a person's real character. There are so many couples in our parents' generation that have worked. Personally I too agree with love-arranged marraiges. But most parents dont agree to that. From what I've seen 1 in 10 parents agree.

As SHY, we cannot totally blame arranged marriage. Previously and even now in arranged marriage that is the reason they look for jathaga porutham. One belief is that when we say we have moer 6 porutham's they can lead a comfortable life without any misunderstanding.

And Naana, now I can see many love arranged marriage. Many parents are ready enough to accept the girl/guy until and otherwise they feel it absolutely 100% non-sense. :ee: Now I can see more than 50% of love-arranged marriage.

Odanae ingae kekka koodathu, how come we can believe in Astrology living in this Electronic world appadinnu we have to face the same answer 'How do we believe in God?'.


I still have to reply for Katteri's post. pbly will reply now in few minutes or will reply back from home.

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 03:20 PM
Relax, get to know the person well enough and then go right ahead. That should take a few months.

Great, say, 6 months. Then he or she doesnot like. Then tell me what will happen in Indian context w.r.t the gal. In American context the question has no meaning at all.

coolian
02-08-2007, 04:33 PM
Great, say, 6 months. Then he or she doesnot like. Then tell me what will happen in Indian context w.r.t the gal. In American context the question has no meaning at all.
You are automatically assuming that this process will take several months. It might, it might not. How I see it, you've got to "click" with that person and that - I'm sure - usually happens well within 6 months.

But you know what? I'd rather waste 6 months than waste 60 years.

coolian
02-08-2007, 05:13 PM
Indian love goes online (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6279287.stm).

Shy
02-08-2007, 06:00 PM
Ithu 5-10 years backla irunthu irukku Cools.. Bharat/shaadi.com etc etc... :)


Sakthi..

Ofcourse, 10 days, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year... so what.. its upto the individuals.. they have to get that feeling.. you need to click.. 1 yearkku yosipeengala.. illai for the next 50 years irukarthai yosipeengala. I would definitely dont mind spending the 1 year. I cant live a life for the sake of it. you need to enjoy the life.

Neenga solra few days la ofcourse one can make sure only my best qualities are reached out. they would be the best person to live with. but after marriage, they might be the arrogant, selfish, non-compromising person on earth. Just imagine how a person can daily adjust with this person. Hes not happy, his family is not happy and the partner is also not happy since hes not the boom boommaadu they expected. Whats the point?

Athuku, spend some quality time with the person. the more you spend time, the more you get to know them,intha timela naraiya expectations meet panaama pora situations varum,you can know how they react. family kooda eppadi interact panraanga theriyum. I know a case, tamilmatrimonyla paarthu guy finalized, families ellam meet panni, ellam ok..but the girl wasnt sure, before engagement she wnated to meet him. He flew back to India. 1 month leavela. they spent some time daily. she wasnt sure still. He came back. They were still in contact. pesa pesa she felt that she knew him a lot, no longer a stranger. she was happy. now they are married happily.

Indiala they need to change. We are living for the society, inaiku nambalai pathi pesum, nalaiku they will have another story to talk abt. so athu ellam think pani we cant make decisions. 2 weeksla paarthu engagement aana appuram, stop aagi irukara marriages kooda irukku. Athukku commitmentkku porathuku munna antha persona understand panrathula enna thappu?

compromise, adjustment ellam panalaam.. pesina amtum the perfect partner varapooraarnu naan solalai.. the point is can you live with that person for the rest of your life? Are you ready to make these compromises, adjustments for this person? Once you are already tied up with this person, enna thaan kudumba vaazhai nadatheenaalum, it wont be for you, it will be like a kadamai that you are doing for your family, your parents and the society and I dont think thats worth at all.

Shy

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 06:16 PM
I'd rather waste 6 months than waste 60 years.

Its not the matter of wasting our time, their time.

Shy....talking, discussion or interview ellam erukatum...do u think it has to go before engagement or after engagement. You did not answer that question at all. Anyway even after speaking for 6 months it will not be guarenteed everyhting will be allright. So what is wrong just if you like just go with it and face the life and take it as it comes.

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 06:20 PM
you need to enjoy the life.

Enjoying life is to enjoy with what we have. Hence my philosophy of life is so simple. If you consider marriage as the biggest deal on earth; then its like falling from an eiffel tower at some point of discomfort. If you take the simple philosophy just adjust and go

Shy
02-08-2007, 06:27 PM
Nana,

I agree that it might be way too generalized. should have been most ;) the point I am trying to say is yes you compare all our previous generations everything worked fine. but you are not taking into agrument the situations. thats where the catch is. 1900s to 1980s there wasnt any much scope for the ladies. How many families would then had a broad minded approach of letting the girl walk out of the relationship if she wasnt happy? Or was the society there to help her out to live independently? the family just tried to shut her down to think like that giving all sort of family name crap, siblings future crap. WCC president or some very famous college in chennai president ooda interview padichen in vikatan last week. Shes a widower. they all forced her to just sit in house and not work. she fought with all of them, studied masters and started working. She said she used to hear all sorts of illtalk abt her, but the only thing that consoled her was her daughter. She survived. See not many women would have been bold like her. So yes for outsiders.. all arranged marriages were successful. But how do we know the actual truth thats still burning in each of them?

But now, the situation is different, women are very independent to the level that they are content with just being a single mother. Now she has lots of options. so appo athai use panrathula enna thappu.

yes chettiar marriages were/are like that. One of the cricket player in my hubbys team is a chettiar. hes 32. he married a 20 year old girl. shes pregnant and whenever I see her at the ground at times, the only thing she takes about is her dreams and what she wanted to do. do a masters and go to a teaching job. but with the family way, she said shes very sad that she needs to let go of all that. shes very mad at her parents because in chettiar u have this family thing. some families are very important and famous and getting alliance from them is like "THE BEST" thing that could happen. so when his guys proposal came, they didnt even think for a minute. the worst thing is we know how that guy was before marriage. hes a real pain... poor girl, has to put up with him for the rest of her life. she cant even walk away from this relationship, because her family will be outcasted since the guys family is one of the big families in the community. total crap...

sWEEtmICHe
02-08-2007, 06:29 PM
How to select a partner???? :sm02:
(http://www.geetham.net/forums/showthread.php?p=327492#post32 7492)

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 06:33 PM
Actually my philosophy of life is completely different. My thoughts follow greedy approach it might not be perfect but it makes me enjoy much better then people looking for perfectionism.

Sorry to give my views in separate messages. I would like to share my views as and when I get it :b:

Sri
02-08-2007, 06:33 PM
I don't agree with you Shy. Maybe, you've never come across Commitment Phobic guys in your life.. These guys like the interaction a lot but don't want to commit to a relationship. And, talking for six months and one year is going wreak havoc in the girl's mind, who starts dreaming from day one.

I am assuming you are married so, you are talking from the perspective of a person who has "been-there-done-that". There is a write up that Vasan had given in the Carnatic thread "Unnai thuthikka arul thaa". We were discussing about "madamai" and he gave a good interpretation of the word. I am talking about that "madamai" here. Whether we like it or not, when girls enter the realm of matrimony, they enter it with so many dreams and anticipation.

It will be unfortunate if they meet guys like Katteri's friend who based on a friend's advice, comes with a list of questions and with an examiner's attitude of judge-based-on-answers. It will turn their life miserable if they end up with a guy who wants to talk and test the waters for a year and then decide "oh no.. I don't like her.. because she reacted this way and I do not want my future wife to be like this". What about feelings here? Can you be so detached until the day you decide to get married and then say, oh from this day forward, I'll develop romantic feelings for him?

I understand the need to have a good life partner, if not a perfect one. But, we are turning it in to a three-ring-circus here. We cannot westernize it like this.

Women in Western Countries complain all the time that 'they were perfect lovers until they moved in with each other', so now moving in has become part of their culture - move in together -live together and then decide to get married. We can never go to that level, could we? Although, if you see some of the advertisements in Tamil Matrimony, some guys even want to do that before they commit.

The basis of all these question papers and questioning and talking for months together is all due to commitment issues.. The more older they get, the more phobia they develop towards marriage.

Sri

Shy
02-08-2007, 06:34 PM
Its not the matter of wasting our time, their time.

Shy....talking, discussion or interview ellam erukatum...do u think it has to go before engagement or after engagement. You did not answer that question at all. Anyway even after speaking for 6 months it will not be guarenteed everyhting will be allright. So what is wrong just if you like just go with it and face the life and take it as it comes.

Ofcourse before any commitmentnu soli irukenae.. engagementum oru type of commitment thaanae?

Ithula guarantee ellam illai sakthi.. Its just the comfort zone u shud be gettiing after you know that person...

Marriage is not a big deal.. I mean if you think it like just the maadu, aadus.. thats just a part ;) but it becomes a big deal when u are thinking of spending the rest of your life with that person. :b: I dont want to spend my lifetime with a person for whom I need to change totally as to who I am. I need someone to respect me as I am :b:

Shy

Shy
02-08-2007, 06:36 PM
Actually my philosophy of life is completely different. My thoughts follow greedy approach it might not be perfect but it makes me enjoy much better then people looking for perfectionism.

Sorry to give my views in separate messages. I would like to share my views as and when I get it :b:


I dont agree with you.. since none of us said "perfectionism" here. all we said is to get a comfort zone to move further in the relationship.

FYI, No one in this earth is perfect :b:

Shy

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 06:39 PM
Marriage is not a big deal.. I mean if you think it like just the maadu, aadus.. thats just a part but it becomes a big deal when u are thinking of spending the rest of your life with that person.

Adjustment/flexibility is the key. See if your partner makes u spend as 'U' that is a kind of flexibility he makes. Somewhere somehow there has to be adjustment. That is why I said greedy approach :b:

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 06:41 PM
all we said is to get a comfort zone to move further in the relationship.

Can u explain 'further' if that 'further' is negative.

vasan
02-08-2007, 06:49 PM
I dont agree with you...

FYI, No one in this earth is perfect :b:

Shy

You don't know me at all, do you, teacher? :Ksp:

Well, I don't agree with you in this case. I am perfect. :wink: In fact better than perfect - just awesome. :ee:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We can't even agree on one operating system - do you think we will ever agree on what is the best way to find a mate?? What are we - some sorta mass produced robots that we should all think alike?

Every one is different - and the way we interact with people or get to know them is different. Every one is willing to risk - but what we want to risk may be totally different. Eventually we all want to chase that "impossible" goal of a 'perfect marriage'.

So.... where does that leave us?? round and round we go, around the mulberry bushes.. I guess.

the-perfection-known-as-v- :sm12: :sm12:

Shy
02-08-2007, 07:03 PM
Sri, I completely agree that there are Commitment Phobic guys out there. Why blame the guy here, dont the girls have the right to make the decision. Why should we always see it from the guy;s point of view. Wont the girls have the maturity to see that the guy is loser and wont commit to anything and thus break it and move on with her life? why cant she do that?

I dont agree that girls will/had to dream from day one. They should be and I guess many are very open minded and even though they have some expectations, they need to interact with that guy to make sure if her dreams will be crushed later on or not. Also one thing to be noted here is that not just the girls have these expectations and dreams, guys do too. So when theres a deadlock, whats the point in leading a life together. And this deadlock can be identified when you get to know them

More expectations on the wrong person would be hurting for that person only. So whats wrong in interacting with them first, getting to know them and eventually get the comfort zone that even though not all my expectations are met, I still love to be with this person. appadi porathu yen thappunu thaan enakku theriyalai.

You, sakthi are really missing the point here guys.. the 3 months, 6 months, 1 year is not a NON_ROMANTIC TESTING PHASE. Its like how to meet a person, get to know them more.. one yearla daily chat panittu, sapiten, thoonignen, padam paarthennu irunthaa.. its their fault, they are losers. avanga appadi iruntha first 1 year varaikkum iluthutu poi irukarthe thappu.. theres no definite timeframe here. oruthavanga kooda pazhakarhe avanga charcater withstand pana mudiyumma illaiyaanu we will know right.. appo yen prolonging it??? its irukai oosai.. oruthavanga yentha decision yeduka matennu iruntha, why sticking with that person and spoling ur life.. goodbyenu poite irukalaamae?

Shy

katteri
02-08-2007, 07:05 PM
Indiala they need to change. We are living for the society, inaiku nambalai pathi pesum, nalaiku they will have another story to talk abt. so athu ellam think pani we cant make decisions. 2 weeksla paarthu engagement aana appuram, stop aagi irukara marriages kooda irukku. Athukku commitmentkku porathuku munna antha persona understand panrathula enna thappu?

Shy


Neeengaa sonnengaalee ithu 100% correct.....

Etho oru chinna problem athai baloon mathiri voothi thaliduvangaa...


Ippadi than oru family friend vanthu en kitta kettar...

Enna thambhi ippadi panneteengaa nu???

(matter onnume illaa jujupiii than...)


nan ketten: ungallukku enna vennum??

He: ungaluuku varuthamee illaiyaaa

me: ethuku varutha padanum...

...Rombhaa pesikitte irunthar....

Nammaku patience kammi veraa....

ME; oru nimisham,....neenga yaaru...ungaluku veraa velaiyyeee illaiyaa?
ithu oru vishayam nu pesa vanthuteengaa....

Nan appadi thangaaa iruppen...

ungaluku ethavathu problem aaa????

HE: athu illa enna solaa vareennaa??

ME: Ethavathu problem na kavala pada vendiyathu ennoda parents avangale onnum sollala....

appuram ungallukku enna??


Oru two weeks voorulaa pesikittu irunthangaa...

Apparum adutha veetu ramayanam arambichutangaaa..


'' Ippa vanthu yaarumeee onnum solla mattamngaaa

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 07:14 PM
At this point of time I remember "Ulagathoodu othu vaazh"


theres no definite timeframe here.

Hahahahaha.....there will be no frame....that is what I said ealier explaining with an idiot but perfect example...:)

In 6 months, if ur partner seees someother person is better, (s)he goes to (her)him and starts the 6 months period. Other person goes with some other one....what life it is...:doh: It will lead to an undecidable problem. That is why I said think for 1 or 2 months and then just commit urself. Then think this is ur life we ahve to face it whatever problem we face.

There will be no time frame and not even a partner-frame :sm12: Nomadic life.

katteri
02-08-2007, 07:16 PM
It will be unfortunate if they meet guys like Katteri's friend who based on a friend's advice, comes with a list of questions and with an examiner's attitude of judge-based-on-answers. Sri


Helloo.....

Ithu ellam rombaa over......

how on the earth u will select one or atleast three or four girl from a list of 20...........

sollungaaa....


Arrranged marriage la oru problem ithu....

That too he can't go every time to India to interact.....

but some girls are ready to reply to emails...........


Surprising statistics:
Out of 19 people , 16 people have replied to his questions...showing the commitment...and they also asked him some questions........


So who is wrong???


I never said he listened to my advice always....I was helping him to framesome questions....avaluvu than.....

Final decision will be his.....

I always consult him when making a major decision....and he does the same to me.....

There is no harm in getting others opinion, who is a well wisher of u....

I hope u wud change your views on my friend...
IF NOT .............

THATS REGRETABLE....


& it hurts...me...for bringing him into the picture...

coolian
02-08-2007, 07:53 PM
In 6 months, if ur partner seees someother person is better, (s)he goes to (her)him and starts the 6 months period. Other person goes with some other one....what life it is...:doh: It will lead to an undecidable problem. That is why I said think for 1 or 2 months and then just commit urself. Then think this is ur life we ahve to face it whatever problem we face.
That depends on each individual. How can you simply generalize that that will be the case if someone does not decide in a "few days"?

I will have problems in my life, and yes, I will face them. BUT these problems should be a result of my actions. I do not want to sit on a sofa and take life as it comes, which I feel is an apathetical attitude towards life. I will not come up with a decision to spend my entire life with some random girl - yes, random - in just a few days.

I remember a friend telling me this in jest before she got married: "If you want to know how life is going to be with a guy/girl, go to his place early in the morning, knock on the door and wake him up. You're going to see that face for the next 50-odd years, so you might as well have an idea!"

vasan
02-08-2007, 07:57 PM
You're going to see that face for the next 50-odd years, so you might as well have an idea!"

Dude.. you are going to see it for 50 more years.. can't you atleast avoid it before that? :Ksp: :sm12: :sm12:

early morning vantthu ezhuppi vittaa.. machine gun-ooda varuvaanga LA-la.. :sm12: :sm12:

this topic is getting funnier and funnier.. :ee:

v-

coolian
02-08-2007, 08:01 PM
Hahaha...I know, but I'd rather not be shocked!

"What the...who the heck are you?!"
"Ummmm...honey it's me...give me 5 minutes, I'll go put some makeup on..."

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 08:06 PM
I will have problems in my life, and yes, I will face them. BUT these problems should be a result of my actions. I do not want to sit on a sofa and take life as it comes, which I feel is an apathetical attitude towards life. I will not come up with a decision to spend my entire life with some random girl - yes, random - in just a few days.

There is every chance that the partner will him(her)self become random after commitment. Then what is the point of understanding before commitment. Not only the partner you yourself might change :sm12:

Mind is random. And you know random computation hold the key in many difficult problems in computing ;)

Shy
02-08-2007, 08:07 PM
Hahaha...I know, but I'd rather not be shocked!

"What the...who the heck are you?!"
"Ummmm...honey it's me...give me 5 minutes, I'll go put some makeup on..."

Hellooooooooooooooo.. hold on...

why is that always the girls are bad looking and disguised with makeup..

neenga ellam matum... bedla irunthu yelunthu appadiye office pogara mathiri azhaga irupeengaloo :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

:sm15: :sm15:

Shy

Sri
02-08-2007, 08:07 PM
Katteri: I am not attacking your friend here, I am just saying that it is unfortunate if a girl has to sit and answer questions and let herself be judged. It’s so degrading and feels like you need to write an entrance test and if you pass, then you’ll have Group discussion, followed by personal interview and then if selected, the guy will consent. Huh.. who needs guys like that?

And, how are you sure that the girls are writing out of pure interest in meeting your friend with a good intention to marry and not use him as an entry in to UK? You’d not believe how many guys want to marry girls in US because they cannot get here on a work visa.

List of 20? I had a friend who did all these whetting and finally narrowed down three females whom he thought replied to all his questions correct, got good looks, etc. etc.. When he went to Bangalore, not one but all three rejected him. He finally married his sister’s friend’s friend who was not even part of his “list”.

My personal opinion: he doesn’t deserve her. Shy: Not all girls have the ability to make wise decisions. It’s all emotions and hormones based decisions.. It’s the excitement of getting married which drives them, not anything else. Romance ellam guys-kku venumna ON/OFF switch mathiri irukkalam, girls-ku mudiyathu.

Sri

Sri
02-08-2007, 08:13 PM
neenga ellam matum... bedla irunthu yelunthu appadiye office pogara mathiri azhaga irupeengaloo

Ippadi ellam bathil solla koodathu, neenga Shy.. Indha mathiri situations-kkunnu thaan sarcasm appadinnu onnu kandu pidichu vechurukaanga...

you should have replied, "Tsk. tsk.. tsk... Oh it is so unfortunate that you are associated with such girls" and left it at that...

Sri

Shy
02-08-2007, 08:15 PM
There is every chance that the partner will him(her)self become random after commitment. Then what is the point of understanding before commitment. Not only the partner you yourself might change :sm12:

Mind is random. And you know random computation hold the key in many difficult problems in computing ;)

random??? ur characters wont change. period. .. you can compromise something, want to go to a braodway show :00: , ok let me give it a try.. but certain basic things cannt be changed at all Sakthi..

if you are a control freak, you will show that.. u cant change it... also you cannot compromise those basic characters.. its like scraping urself with brick to look different.. it will just hurt you, but u cant change.

Shy

coolian
02-08-2007, 08:15 PM
There is every chance that the partner will him(her)self become random after commitment. Then what is the point of understanding before commitment. Not only the partner you yourself might change
Ah, now you're talking about something else. That is a different scenario altogether. To renege on your commitment is completely messed up, but that is not what we are talking about here!


neenga ellam matum... bedla irunthu yelunthu appadiye office pogara mathiri azhaga irupeengaloo
Yes.

katteri
02-08-2007, 08:23 PM
Katteri: I am not attacking your friend here, I am just saying that it is unfortunate if a girl has to sit and answer questions and let herself be judged. It’s so degrading and feels like you need to write an entrance test and if you pass, then you’ll have Group discussion, followed by personal interview and then if selected, the guy will consent. Huh.. who needs guys like that?

And, how are you sure that the girls are writing out of pure interest in meeting your friend with a good intention to marry and not use him as an entry in to UK? You’d not believe how many guys want to marry girls in US because they cannot get here on a work visa.

List of 20? I had a friend who did all these whetting and finally narrowed down three females whom he thought replied to all his questions correct, got good looks, etc. etc.. When he went to Bangalore, not one but all three rejected him. He finally married his sister’s friend’s friend who was not even part of his “list”.

My personal opinion: he doesn’t deserve her. Shy: Not all girls have the ability to make wise decisions. It’s all emotions and hormones based decisions.. It’s the excitement of getting married which drives them, not anything else. Romance ellam guys-kku venumna ON/OFF switch mathiri irukkalam, girls-ku mudiyathu.

Sri

the reason i posted this thread is to find the solution.....nothing else..

Common don't blame male alone....I know how many girls are like wht u have said.....




These people always exist in the population............

butterfly
02-08-2007, 08:26 PM
but some girls are ready to reply to emails...........


Surprising statistics:
Out of 19 people , 16 people have replied to his questions...showing the commitment...and they also asked him some questions........


So who is wrong???



katteri,
Konjum porumaiya yosichu paarungo....do u really beleive these 16 gals answered him out of commitment?....they cud be fooling around

just read all the women's answers here itself ..shud give u an idea that noone is willing to be degraded by questions....so i really dunno how truthfull those 16 gals were :?

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 08:30 PM
ur characters wont change.

Characters does change. PERIOD. Change is CONSTANT. PERIOD

Characers are not just physical things it changes with respect to so many internal and external factors.

emyesbee
02-08-2007, 08:37 PM
Ah, now you're talking about something else. That is a different scenario altogether. To renege on your commitment is completely messed up, but that is not what we are talking about here!

Your point: Order + Random = Random

My point: Random + Random = Random

Then what is the point of Order in ur pre-marriage understanding.

It is just a matter of belief. Do you think for one year they will be true to you?
U just belief hat they say. Belief is the foremost here. And at some point of time anyway u like or not u ahve to accept what is there in your life.

That is why I said in my early messages itself, have faith if you like and take life, face it.

katteri
02-08-2007, 10:06 PM
katteri,
Konjum porumaiya yosichu paarungo....do u really beleive these 16 gals answered him out of commitment?....they cud be fooling around

just read all the women's answers here itself ..shud give u an idea that noone is willing to be degraded by questions....so i really dunno how truthfull those 16 gals were :?

For argument sake....we can keep gng...on this issue


As i said, the main objective of the thread was to find a way.....I didnt say this is the only way....

I said this is one of the way My friend has used...


Please let me know if u have better idea...

butterfly
02-08-2007, 10:16 PM
For argument sake....we can keep gng...on this issue


As i said, the main objective of the thread was to find a way.....I didnt say this is the only way....

I said this is one of the way My friend has used...


Please let me know if u have better idea...


I let my dad read this thread & all he said was the generation now is just selfish & confused :?

But he said one of his teacher had told them ponnu parka poghum podhu...first ponnu veedu backside poi parkanum to see how sutham that family is....next check the ammikallu....if its clean then the family wud have taught their daughter the importance of cleanliness

second when u go to their home...how they receive u....check how the mother interacts with u will give u an idea of how they gal is brought up

I told him it will work in his days but now most gals live in hostels....so its hard to Judge ....to which his reply was, its the principles the gal is brought up with, will never die.

katteri
02-08-2007, 10:22 PM
I let my dad read this thread & all he said was the generation now is just selfish & confused :?

But he said one of his teacher had told them ponnu parka poghum podhu...first ponnu veedu backside poi parkanum to see how sutham that family is....next check the ammikallu....if its clean then the family wud have taught their daughter the importance of cleanliness

second when u go to their home...how they receive u....check how the mother interacts with u will give u an idea of how they gal is brought up

I told him it will work in his days but now most gals live in hostels....so its hard to Judge ....to which his reply was, its the principles the gal is brought up with, will never die.

Well it works well, when both the families are near by.....but how can one take a off to work and see the girl everytime

+

Btn how will u select a one or two girl from 20.....

Looks can be deceiving.........

butterfly
02-08-2007, 10:33 PM
Well it works well, when both the families are near by.....but how can one take a off to work and see the girl everytime

+

Btn how will u select a one or two girl from 20.....

Looks can be deceiving.........

I have no answer to that...thats y i dont like all these matrimonial sites....the best way to go, wud be to find a gal thru word of mouth, thru friends or familes...that way its easier to know the gal.

ns80
02-09-2007, 03:42 AM
2 weeksla paarthu engagement aana appuram, stop aagi irukara marriages kooda irukku. Athukku commitmentkku porathuku munna antha persona understand panrathula enna thappu?

understand panradhula thappilla. time edukkardhula thappilla. idhellam enakku theriyudhu. ethana ponnu or parents idhukku othukkuvanga ?
~~~~~~
pattams,
word of mouth can be deceiving too. (s)he might act good to the contact person. in reality (s)he maybe different.


its the principles the gal is brought up with, will never die.

i guess neenga arranged marraige'nu. you know how much time is usually given to know each other. how would you know the person's principles in the time given to you ?


Romance ellam guys-kku venumna ON/OFF switch mathiri irukkalam

hwat :Ksp:


As i said, the main objective of the thread was to find a way.

idhukku way'na shy solra love-arranged vena workout aagum. the present way it is done, i dont think there's a way out

ns80
02-09-2007, 03:55 AM
So yes for outsiders.. all arranged marriages were successful. But how do we know the actual truth thats still burning in each of them?

I did'nt say all arranged marraiges are successful did I. There are failed arranged marraiges too. IMO the success in any marraige would be resolve conflicts within themselves. If they keep on fighting over and over again. Its an immaturity on the induvidual's part. Arranged or love, do you think that person would change ?


How many families would then had a broad minded approach of letting the girl walk out of the relationship if she wasnt happy?

How many are there now ? will be more than what it was then. But are all families broad minded enough ? Girl mattum illa guys side'la mattum othukkaraangala enna ?

Shy
02-09-2007, 02:05 PM
Nana.. athaan solren.... intha society konjam broad'a think pananum...

pottu kid's lifea thanooda aasaikkkku yetha mathiri thinika kudaathu...

It will take another 100 years for all this to vanish and be a place with no caste etc etc..

Shy

sandhya88
02-12-2007, 08:25 AM
yah shy ninka sollrathu seri dan.. ;)

Balavijay
02-15-2007, 08:12 AM
ns80
I did'nt say all arranged marraiges are successful did I. There are failed arranged marraiges too.you are 100% correct nana........:b:
marriage is beautiful ,but then ,whom going to be with you in your path..?
it's like a chess game......;)

Bluelotus
02-20-2007, 08:26 PM
hmmm, something very deep is obviously going on here :think:

(I thought I'd remind the ones who aren't in relationships, that there is always free love sixties style :ahha: and you don't have to worry about "selecting a partner" ... only kidding honest *hand on heart* :ee: )

Shy
02-20-2007, 08:31 PM
hmmm, something very deep is obviously going on here :think:

(I thought I'd remind the ones who aren't in relationships, that there is always free love sixties style :ahha: and you don't have to worry about "selecting a partner" ... only kidding honest *hand on heart* :ee: )

:00: :00: :00: first unnoda amma kita solli, nee padichu mudichathum, paiyan paarka solanum :snooty: :snooty:

Shy

Bluelotus
02-20-2007, 08:37 PM
:00: :00: :00: first unnoda amma kita solli, nee padichu mudichathum, paiyan paarka solanum :snooty: :snooty:

Shy

:00: why? why? why? naan santhoshama thaanae irukirein
(maybe I'll just follow thattha's footsteps :wink: )

Shy
02-20-2007, 08:44 PM
sandhooshama thaan iruke.. after marriage.. innum sandhoshama iruka thaan...

no no thatha steps.. avarooda steps ellam aLichaachu.. ippo avarkae ponnu paarthutu thaan irukoom ;)

Shy

experiments
03-01-2007, 06:13 PM
Inkhi pinki ponki pottu Choose Pannalam. There is no other way.

Accept whatever comes. Think about what u will offer rather what they will offer u.

Note : kadhalikkiren endru endha ponnukkum idam kodukkatheenga. Pocket will be empty in a minute.

chinglees
03-01-2007, 11:15 PM
Note : kadhalikkiren endru endha ponnukkum idam kodukkatheenga. Pocket will be empty in a minute.

kaadalachalum seri ilena kalyanam apram seri eppovume pocket gaaliyaa thaan irukum;)

Minnie
03-02-2007, 03:18 AM
kaadalachalum seri ilena kalyanam apram seri eppovume pocket gaaliyaa thaan irukum;)

:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

chinglees
03-02-2007, 04:35 AM
Micky:yes:

experiments
03-02-2007, 07:10 AM
Kalyanam aana piragu mamanaar thalaiyai urutta vendiyathuthaane. Unge pocket eppdi kaliyagum.



kaadalachalum seri ilena kalyanam apram seri eppovume pocket gaaliyaa thaan irukum;)


:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:


Micky:yes:

Minnie
03-02-2007, 12:56 PM
Kalyanam aana piragu mamanaar thalaiyai urutta vendiyathuthaane. Unge pocket eppdi kaliyagum.

From where and why mamanaar now :-? :evil: Thats what we are telling enga pocket wont be kaali'nu;)

vijayapriya
03-30-2007, 11:20 AM
athu correct than. aana ovvoru paiyanukkum,ponnukkum enganu irukko anga than mudium

rendu perum muthalla pesanum
rendu perukkum oothu varanum

rendu peroda aim ennanu rendu perum therinchikkanum

rendu perum atleast basic education mudichirukkanum
it is good for them and their generations.

then, s.honesty is the main thing
athu than mukkiyam

When we are going to choose a boy means, his stability in life by economywise and having gooooood habits is a enough thing.

when we are going to choose a girl means, her personal goal in life or the view of life in her point of view and having nice behaviours, adjustable type is a extra qualification.

this is my personal experience.
this is the minimum requirement for selecting a life partner.

This question is simply how to select a partner???? whether it is life partner or business partner I dont know.

any way for life partner this is my opinion.
Thank you.

vijayapriya
03-30-2007, 11:21 AM
athu correct than. aana ovvoru paiyanukkum,ponnukkum enganu irukko anga than mudium

rendu perum muthalla pesanum
rendu perukkum oothu varanum

rendu peroda aim ennanu rendu perum therinchikkanum

rendu perum atleast basic education mudichirukkanum
it is good for them and their generations.

then, s.honesty is the main thing
athu than mukkiyam

When we are going to choose a boy means, his stability in life by economywise and having gooooood habits is a enough thing.

when we are going to choose a girl means, her personal goal in life or the view of life in her point of view and having nice behaviours, adjustable type is a extra qualification.

this is my personal experience.
this is the minimum requirement for selecting a life partner.

This question is simply how to select a partner???? whether it is life partner or business partner I dont know.

any way for life partner this is my opinion.
Thank you.:)

paulraj
03-30-2007, 12:59 PM
athu correct than. aana ovvoru paiyanukkum,ponnukkum enganu irukko anga than mudium

rendu perum muthalla pesanum
rendu perukkum oothu varanum

rendu peroda aim ennanu rendu perum therinchikkanum

rendu perum atleast basic education mudichirukkanum
it is good for them and their generations.

then, s.honesty is the main thing
athu than mukkiyam

When we are going to choose a boy means, his stability in life by economywise and having gooooood habits is a enough thing.

when we are going to choose a girl means, her personal goal in life or the view of life in her point of view and having nice behaviours, adjustable type is a extra qualification.

this is my personal experience.
this is the minimum requirement for selecting a life partner.

This question is simply how to select a partner???? whether it is life partner or business partner I dont know.

any way for life partner this is my opinion.
Thank you.:)

Priya...

You are correct(esp. first line).ippadi pesi, purinji, compel pannma marriage pannina bettera irukum

paul