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Shy
04-18-2008, 12:41 AM
Hi Guys,

ITs been a long time we all spoke.. thought would open up some threads, so that we can discuss and debate :ee:

Every other household has some sort of issue or the other.. but in majority of them, its MIL-DIL clash..


What is it in your opinion that leads to this and what should we(DIL) do to avoid it..

Pour in your thoughts !!

Shy

Minnie
04-19-2008, 02:21 AM
Best way to avoid such clash....choose a family where there is no MIL :ahha:

hnbhat
04-19-2008, 02:51 AM
Very Fine. Prevention is better than Cure.

This works well when the choice is yours.

But running away from the problem does not solve the problem, but only inventing and implementing it

Very good footing in this direction by Shy.

Sorry if I interefered in the discussions exclusively you girls are concerned.

Shy
04-19-2008, 02:52 PM
Minnie :eek::eek: nalla plan... :lol:

Bhat Sir, I just opened it in womens talk because the characters involved are women.. please feel free to voice your opinions :b: :b: :b:

Was reading tamil news yesterday and wanted to specifically count the tragedy based on this.. it was 6 in that single newspaper alone.. small small bozed for a dead soul...

I have never seen a FIL-SIL fight that is so tragic... but its always DIL-MIL.. why is that relationship so hard to be balanced out... I feel that the main reason is the guy.. IF only he can get the lines and make sure both are secure, I dont each would fight and make sure they have the guy on their side...


Shy

suha
04-19-2008, 03:35 PM
Wht is this..........DIL.MIL,SIL,FIL: Ksp::Ksp::Ksp:

Me only knows DIL means heart:sm33::sm05:;)

ME LOVE BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FAMILY:sm05:

daya
04-19-2008, 05:07 PM
...to avoid misunderstanding first try and understand them...:)

Teena
04-19-2008, 05:22 PM
Stay far away from them:sm36:That's the only solution. Bring them occasionally to your home.;) If we live in foreign countries problem is solved.;)

Shy
04-19-2008, 07:32 PM
டீனா, விருந்தும் மருந்தும் மூணு நாளு.. மாதிரி சொல்லுறீங் களா? :sm36::sm36:

hmm.. but nuclear familya iruntha romba lonelyaa irunkaathu.. :think: :think: :think:

Daya, understand panikarthu ok.. but what about the initial dreams and expectations of the DIL that goes to the back seat because she needs to be patient?


Shy

Teena
04-19-2008, 07:44 PM
Shy, I always like nuclear family....adhan appadi sonnen;) If we live together with them then there will be atleast some misunderstanding. If u talk to them over phone or if they visit us appo appo then problems konjama dhan irukadhu. Even if they have their own daughter they always see DIL as DIL. :evil:

Bluelotus
04-19-2008, 08:37 PM
hmm.. but nuclear familya iruntha romba lonelyaa irunkaathu.. :think: :think: :think:


Shy

depends on the nuclear family- have twenty kids and u won't be lonely :ee:

daya
04-20-2008, 02:32 AM
Daya, understand panikarthu ok.. but what about the initial dreams and expectations of the DIL that goes to the back seat because she needs to be patient?


Shy

Shy..ellaa problems is because of dreams and expectations... just like how the DIL has dreams and expectations the MIL also has. When these two match there would be no problems but then if it is otherwise, it takes time....
The solution that i've stated would look bookish but is practical. Accept people as they are...you would have less problems in life :)

hnbhat
04-20-2008, 05:07 AM
If we live in foreign countries problem is solved.

Not everybody will be fortunate to find foreign employment and so it is not a general and amicalble solution.


The solution that i've stated would look bookish but is practical. Accept people as they are...you would have less problems in life

Very much practical, but this needs a lot of practice and experience of real life which is a rare thing for the output generation of modern education. But could be achieved with a little more patience. I remember one dialogue in some tamil film by Janakaraj (I don't remember the film): We may be certainly free to do what we like and certainly we may be right in our act, which may be seem improper to others. We cannot correct others, but at least we may try to avoid such acts/circumstances leading others to misunderstand us. In many cases, there may not be nothing more be achieved, than the happiness derived from satisfying of our ego than any material benefit. I think this may be the root cause for many of the misunderstandings. You may ask it will apply equally to the other parties concerned also, but in a family it will be easier for the younger ones to acquire new habits or practices to modify them than the grownups to abandon their long rooted habits and practices. This is one reason why MILs ARE CONCERNED AS MILS by DIL-s. I may be wrong and may be too abstract. Indeed, both have different family background that makes the difference and the more this difference is eliminated before the marriage (in arranged marriages) or understoodwell (in the case of love marriages), the problem should vanish naturally to some extent. The remaining will only be achieved by give and take policy (which I said will be easier for younger ones than expect the other elders to give up) which needs understanding the change in the circumstances.
This is is social behabious therapy.

Off line:

But the social evil that invites the MIL/DIL tragedies certainly the reluctance to of the people progress with the advancement of the cilization (I don't mean modernization or modern habits). DIL (dowry income legacy) inherited from time immemorial could not be abandoned by the people in spite of many attepts, but to the contrary it also advanced to a larger proportion and in different dimensions in many cases. That is the source of income for the marriage brokers. Pardon me, if I am off line.

DILs once they become the victims of DIL, will have satisfy the other DIL,(which is beyond their control) and also could not be sure of the success of the above method (which is within their controll).

Shy
04-20-2008, 03:13 PM
Shy, I always like nuclear family....adhan appadi sonnen;) If we live together with them then there will be atleast some misunderstanding. If u talk to them over phone or if they visit us appo appo then problems konjama dhan irukadhu. Even if they have their own daughter they always see DIL as DIL. :evil:

I agree. I always believe in this story my patti told me on the day before my marriage. .. She told me how I shouldn't get upset when there are situations that my MIL might want to do something to her son or vice versa.. I was advised to think about this story and what I would have done if I am in his/her shoes. So whatever happens its out of her/his love and I shouldn't feel insecure or possessive. I was advised to let go and try to be calm.

God while making all babies, he was upset and scared how these little ones will survive in this world.
So he decided to make ammas, because he felt that he cannot be there with all of his kids at all times.
So God himself created one amma for each kid. Thus there can be only one amma for a kid.

Patti eppadi nenaichu advice paninaangaloo illaiyoo. But enakku purinchathu ithu thaan..:ahha: :ahha: amma na amma thaan.. no one else can replace that.. MIL'a society kaaga, avanga aasaikku appadi kupidalaam.. but are the close to that word.. no they can never be.. They might be gem of a person.. but she can be amma only for her son.. not for her DIL :b: :b: :b:


Shy..ellaa problems is because of dreams and expectations... just like how the DIL has dreams and expectations the MIL also has. When these two match there would be no problems but then if it is otherwise, it takes time....
The solution that i've stated would look bookish but is practical. Accept people as they are...you would have less problems in life :)

eppadi Daya, dreams and expectations illama iruka mudiyum :break::break: At that age when we get married, we would have had some aasaigal right... namba married life is so new.. appo namba compromise panrathooda.. life paarthu avaloo experienced aanavanga.. chinna sirisungannu .. avanga konjam vittu kodukalaame?? obviously they would know that feelings in that bride illai.. they would have been in that same situation years back.. just back they didnt get enuf of it .. most of them are trying to make sure.. their DIL go thru the same thing...

After marriage, the first few months, is very crucial and a DIL is like a tree uprooted and planted somewhere in a new place.. shouldnt everyone in the in law house make sure shes comfortable rather than setting up rules and giving more and more scare to that girl?

How interesting a life would be with no dreams.. :sm100::sm100::sm100:

Shy

Shy
04-20-2008, 03:28 PM
Not everybody will be fortunate to find foreign employment and so it is not a general and amicalble solution.

I guess what she meant was.. to lead a nuclear life.. [thani kudithanam].... I have seen many families in chennai after engagement starting to look for a place.. so after marriage and initial few days, the couple move to that new home..



Very much practical, but this needs a lot of practice and experience of real life which is a rare thing for the output generation of modern education. But could be achieved with a little more patience. I remember one dialogue in some tamil film by Janakaraj (I don't remember the film): We may be certainly free to do what we like and certainly we may be right in our act, which may be seem improper to others. We cannot correct others, but at least we may try to avoid such acts/circumstances leading others to misunderstand us.

Agreed.. but for a fruitful solution, I guess the experienced Elders should also let go , not be so uptight and understand that this girl is new to all this and give her time to adjust.



In many cases, there may not be nothing more be achieved, than the happiness derived from satisfying of our ego than any material benefit. I think this may be the root cause for many of the misunderstandings.

A very valid point, Sir. That is one big creeper that one should try to avoid from their mind I guess, even though its way toooooooooooo hard.



You may ask it will apply equally to the other parties concerned also, but in a family it will be easier for the younger ones to acquire new habits or practices to modify them than the grownups to abandon their long rooted habits and practices.

Thats very true.. there is a proverb...ஐந்தில வலையாதது ஐம்பதில் வலையாது.. it will be hard from them to get accustomed to the new culture thats out there and the younger generation has to try to compromise and adjust whenever they can. But at the same time.. being elders who are very experienced than the DIL, it should also be accepted that they understand her as a woman. That shouldn't be a problem at all.. whatever a DIL is going thru, a MIL will know.. I guess in a fair game.. both should try to do the following 3 magic things

(1) Unconditional love.
(2) Adjustments
(3) Patience.



Off line:

But the social evil that invites the MIL/DIL tragedies certainly the reluctance to of the people progress with the advancement of the cilization (I don't mean modernization or modern habits). DIL (dowry income legacy) inherited from time immemorial could not be abandoned by the people in spite of many attepts, but to the contrary it also advanced to a larger proportion and in different dimensions in many cases. That is the source of income for the marriage brokers. Pardon me, if I am off line.

DILs once they become the victims of DIL, will have satisfy the other DIL,(which is beyond their control) and also could not be sure of the success of the above method (which is within their controll).


Well said Sir, very true.... marriage has become so commercialized in some of the community. [Punjabis and Andhras] the ones I know of... I have seen many situations being in NJ a overly populated telugu and sikh community... Everything from DIL is just money... I pity the girl.. but at the same time, I am furious as to why they fall for this "foreign mappillai" thing, may money and then suffer all their life.

Shy

daya
04-20-2008, 03:32 PM
They might be gem of a person.. but she can be amma only for her son.. not for her DIL :b: :b: :b:


already decided almost like prejudiced .... i dont know what else to say... :(

And when I said accept ppl as they are...it is a general rule to all human beings..be it the MIL, BIL, SIL, DIL, FIL

Shy
04-20-2008, 03:44 PM
already decided almost like prejudiced .... i dont know what else to say... :(

And when I said accept ppl as they are...it is a general rule to all human beings..be it the MIL, BIL, SIL, DIL, FIL

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

No sogams.. just individual's opinion :ee: :ee: :ee:

I agree... but its just that family kula konjam kashtam illai....

Shy

daya
04-20-2008, 03:47 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

No sogams.. just individual's opinion :ee: :ee: :ee:

I agree... but its just that family kula konjam kashtam illai....

Shy

:) :hug: :hug: :hug:

The best place to start practising is home... :)

Bluelotus
04-20-2008, 05:15 PM
After marriage, the first few months, is very crucial and a DIL is like a tree uprooted and planted somewhere in a new place.. shouldnt everyone in the in law house make sure shes comfortable rather than setting up rules and giving more and more scare to that girl?

How interesting a life would be with no dreams.. :sm100::sm100::sm100:

Shy

I don't believe that they're trying to scare her, simply try to explain to her how that particular household works. Each household is like a different country. To govern and look after its populace, each country has it's laws and regulation, so it's necessary to be aware of these rules and regulations to live happily in that country, don't you think?

For example, my parents are the strictest in my extended family, so whenever my cousins come to stay with us, they have a hard time adjusting to my parents' rules. I would assume each new bride would have that same problem, so the in-laws are just trying to make sure she understands how their household works.

Shy
04-20-2008, 07:51 PM
I don't believe that they're trying to scare her, simply try to explain to her how that particular household works. Each household is like a different country. To govern and look after its populace, each country has it's laws and regulation, so it's necessary to be aware of these rules and regulations to live happily in that country, don't you think?

For example, my parents are the strictest in my extended family, so whenever my cousins come to stay with us, they have a hard time adjusting to my parents' rules. I would assume each new bride would have that same problem, so the in-laws are just trying to make sure she understands how their household works.

hmm.. interesting perspective....... :clap: :clap: :clap: nalla explain pani irukaa, sweetlotus...

unnoda cooking matum if you learn.. you will be the best DIL :hug: ..................... I hope :ahha: :ee:

Shy

daya
04-20-2008, 11:30 PM
I don't believe that they're trying to scare her, simply try to explain to her how that particular household works. Each household is like a different country. To govern and look after its populace, each country has it's laws and regulation, so it's necessary to be aware of these rules and regulations to live happily in that country, don't you think?

For example, my parents are the strictest in my extended family, so whenever my cousins come to stay with us, they have a hard time adjusting to my parents' rules. I would assume each new bride would have that same problem, so the in-laws are just trying to make sure she understands how their household works.

Great explanation Blues.... :hug: :hug: :sm03: :sm03: :thx: :thx:

hnbhat
04-21-2008, 01:20 AM
my parents are the strictest in my extended family, so whenever my cousins come to stay with us, they have a hard time adjusting to my parents' rules. I would assume each new bride would have that same problem, so the in-laws are just trying to make sure she understands how their household works.

On the analogy of a country, it is very essemtial to have the understanding of the laws and the custums of the goverment that keeps the law and order to be abide by them. But it should be borne in mind that any misunderstanding or misinterpretation will be enough to lead to create some undesirable effects like in a monarchy.

Certainly this is a wise and valuable opinion.

Bluelotus
04-21-2008, 08:01 PM
On the analogy of a country, it is very essemtial to have the understanding of the laws and the custums of the goverment that keeps the law and order to be abide by them. But it should be borne in mind that any misunderstanding or misinterpretation will be enough to lead to create some undesirable effects like in a monarchy.

Certainly this is a wise and valuable opinion.

Aren't all households monarchies by default? I always assumed the pattern of a Indian Sub-continent household was with the Patriarch at helm, and the Matriarch as PM, and unfortunately the newest addition to any family will have to go through various rites of passage to win over the sympathy of either the monarch or his first minister to survive. If the unfortunate lady is unable to do either - she will have to settle for a passive role.
I'm not being serious - just arguing without thinking :yawn::o- sorry

Idiot
04-23-2008, 02:19 PM
Hi Guys,

What is it in your opinion that leads to this and what should we(DIL) do to avoid it..

Shy


Best way to avoid such clash....choose a family where there is no MIL :ahha:

Stay far away from them:sm36:That's the only solution. Bring them occasionally to your home.;) If we live in foreign countries problem is solved.;)

Both this are ways to escape. if not MIL, you will have others. Overall the question how to live in a family.


...to avoid misunderstanding first try and understand them...:)


டீனா, விருந்தும் மருந்தும் மூணு நாளு.. மாதிரி சொல்லுறீங் களா? :sm36::sm36:

hmm.. but nuclear familya iruntha romba lonelyaa irunkaathu.. :think: :think: :think:

Daya, understand panikarthu ok.. but what about the initial dreams and expectations of the DIL that goes to the back seat because she needs to be patient?


Shy

There are two things. One is Ideal and another one is Real.

Ideal - only theoretically possible. Like possible only in movies and in stories.

Real - with all such constraints. Being without expectation is almost impossible.. Appadi irunthutta namma vaazhkaila yentha prechanaiyum kedaiyaathu. But I dont think its possible.

Only Understanding and adjustment makes the things bit easier.


I don't believe that they're trying to scare her, simply try to explain to her how that particular household works. Each household is like a different country. To govern and look after its populace, each country has it's laws and regulation, so it's necessary to be aware of these rules and regulations to live happily in that country, don't you think?

For example, my parents are the strictest in my extended family, so whenever my cousins come to stay with us, they have a hard time adjusting to my parents' rules. I would assume each new bride would have that same problem, so the in-laws are just trying to make sure she understands how their household works.

Very well said. :b: it depends on how we see it. karuppu kannadi potu paatha ellamae karuppa thaan theriyum.

Thought of writing long message. somehow felt it going out of topic and stopping it here itself. :ee:

But main part is on the hand of the guy to make these two understand better. :b:

daya
04-23-2008, 02:46 PM
Real - with all such constraints. Being without expectation is almost impossible.. Appadi irunthutta namma vaazhkaila yentha prechanaiyum kedaiyaathu.



ippo thaan enakku puriyudhu iggy...why i dont have any problems in life... kannu podadhaa aammam sollitten...:)

Shy
04-23-2008, 02:47 PM
Real - with all such constraints. Being without expectation is almost impossible.. Appadi irunthutta namma vaazhkaila yentha prechanaiyum kedaiyaathu. But I dont think its possible.

Only Understanding and adjustment makes the things bit easier.


Isnt all this inter connected... when you are adjusting and understanding, doesnt it mean you are letting go of any expectations that you might have on that situation illai?

understanding and adjustments irukalaam.. kandeepa try panalaam.. but yaaru eppo nu thaane problemae.. DIl might expect her in laws to be understanding and adjusting during her initial phase in life.. because shes new nu.. But sweetlotus sona mathiri.. in laws might want her to be upto speed before she wanders in her la la land...

So oru deadlock situation aarathu and people start fighting mentally i guess..



Very well said. :b: it depends on how we see it. karuppu kannadi potu paatha ellamae karuppa thaan theriyum.


glasses potutu paarkuroomoo.. illaiyoo.. மனக்கண் la paakarthu better.. if you feel its right.. there you go...



Thought of writing long message. somehow felt it going out of topic and stopping it here itself. :ee:

But main part is on the hand of the guy to make these two understand better. :b:


Y Y Y Y Y Y.. love to read it.. porumaiyaa aana kandeepa do write ;)

Very well said.. A guy plays the "Dont involve me" routine in most of cases and that is wrong. I guess he shud take a stand and put some lines to both his wife and mom... enga amma thaan ivalo naal enakku senchutu irunthaanga.. so it will be hard for her.. so you to adjust nu wife kitayum... amma.. its time you rest and relax and let her do the chores.... nee kavalai padaathee... naan eppothum unnoda paiyan thaan.. ava panralaana naan mariduven nu bayapadaathee nu amma kita yum open a pesalaamee???
I guess that would help these kinda situations very much..

but guys irukaangalee.. sariyaana aalunga.. adichukatumnu TV, sports nu poiduvaanga :ahha:

Shy

Shy
04-23-2008, 02:50 PM
ippo thaan enakku puriyudhu iggy...why i dont have any problems in life... kannu podadhaa aammam sollitten...:)

:eek::eek::eek: iig kannu illai ennoda kann thaan padaporathu.. eppadi eppadi eppadi mudiyum...

தெய்வமே...தெ ய்ய்ய்ய்வம ே... நன்றி சொல்வேன்.. தெய்வமே.. தயா மாதிரி ஒரு மனிதரை எனக்கு தெரிய வைத்ததற்க் கு.. நன்றி சொல்வேன் தெய்வமே

Shy

Idiot
04-23-2008, 03:07 PM
ippo thaan enakku puriyudhu iggy...why i dont have any problems in life... kannu podadhaa aammam sollitten...:)

Do you mean you dont have any expectation ?? :think: :think:


Isnt all this inter connected... when you are adjusting and understanding, doesnt it mean you are letting go of any expectations that you might have on that situation illai?

understanding and adjustments irukalaam.. kandeepa try panalaam.. but yaaru eppo nu thaane problemae.. DIl might expect her in laws to be understanding and adjusting during her initial phase in life.. because shes new nu.. But sweetlotus sona mathiri.. in laws might want her to be upto speed before she wanders in her la la land...

Letting go of any expectation.. appadinna odanae ethaiyumae ethir paakama appadingarathae vida, just wait for the correct time. You will manage to get what you like.

So we can make it default that DIL must adjust. Again here there should not be another argument, Why DIL? Its tough to make 50 year old lady to change than 25 year young girl.



Y Y Y Y Y Y.. love to read it.. porumaiyaa aana kandeepa do write ;)

As I said, I felt its going beyond the scope of discussion. Athaan stopped it.




Very well said.. A guy plays the (1) "Dont involve me" routine in most of cases and that is wrong. (2) I guess he shud take a stand and put some lines to both his wife and mom... enga amma thaan ivalo naal enakku senchutu irunthaanga.. so it will be hard for her.. so you to adjust nu wife kitayum... amma.. its time you rest and relax and let her do the chores.... nee kavalai padaathee... naan eppothum unnoda paiyan thaan.. ava panralaana naan mariduven nu bayapadaathee nu amma kita yum open a pesalaamee???
I guess that would help these kinda situations very much..

(1) but guys irukaangalee.. sariyaana aalunga.. adichukatumnu TV, sports nu poiduvaanga :ahha:

Shy

(1) Not all and always :ee:

(2) Ithu maadhiri poi solrathukku mom and wife, both of them are not kid. Secondly, ivan sonna odana avunga keka porathum kedaiyaathu. and its solely depends on the situation. Even the well understood mom and wife, in some situation leave some words which makes or hurts guys a lot and makes him to sit and watch, to solve it when the situation comes to him.

Let me explain both the situation.

Situation 1: Guy has convinced or explained his wife completely. She is in some good mind set. When some friends or family or family friends comes and sees the girl adjusting, they pour the oil. the main problem is we are more keen to listen to others word. And you know of course where this will be discussed.

Situation 2: If mom is well convinced and adjusting, ithae friends or relatives, if they say something there comes the problem. and this comes out in public or words hurting guys even they are their son.

But as I said before, its sole responsibility of the guy to take care of this and make them understand, which will be very complicated and tough in the beginning days but for long run, will be very good.

aana ellarum suya buthiyoda sinthikkanum, should not hear not ooran vutu vaarthai. :ee:

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:02 PM
But main part is on the hand of the guy to make these two understand better. :b:

I object, simply on the ground that a man isn't the solution to anything. it's almost like saying despite their intellect, common sense and their standing in society women cannot live in harmony without the interference of a "man".
It's nonsense!

vasan
04-23-2008, 08:27 PM
man isn't the solution to anything

Solution to anything or solution to everything?

Surely there is a tiny possibility that the useless men of the world could be a solution to something, even if it is as trivial is lifting suitcases.. :Ksp: :ahha:

v-

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:37 PM
Solution to anything or solution to everything?

Surely there is a tiny possibility that the useless men of the world could be a solution to something, even if it is as trivial is lifting suitcases.. :Ksp: :ahha:

v-

nope- I can lift my own suitcase, drive my own car, mow my lawn and fix my own shelf- I don't some egocentric man to tell me how to get on with my own mother-in-law.

I'm perfectly capable of finding my own solution to the dilemma.

In any case, if she is my mother-in-law she can't possibly be anything other than a reasonable and intelligent woman - so my plan is to take her to the opera as many times as needed to convince her that I'm just as perfect as she and therefore we should be the best of friends....

vasan
04-23-2008, 08:50 PM
egocentric man to tell me how to get on with my own mother-in-law.

May be.. but in most cases girls still need a man to get their own mother-in-laws, don't ya think? ... :ee:


so my plan is to take her to the opera as many times as needed to convince her that I'm just as perfect as she and therefore we should be the best of friends....

Just find out in advance if she cares about operas first.
May be she would rather stroll through the Kew Gardens.. :wink: :)

v-

ps: Whats up with opera, anyway? Found any lost italian puppy, did you? :wink: :sm12:

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:52 PM
May be.. but in most cases girls still need a man to get their own mother-in-laws, don't ya think? ... :ee:



:oops: forgot about that

Idiot
04-25-2008, 12:08 PM
I object, simply on the ground that a man isn't the solution to anything. it's almost like saying despite their intellect, common sense and their standing in society women cannot live in harmony without the interference of a "man".
It's nonsense!

thaayae karumaari magamaayi maariyamma parasakthi

Its not in the intention that 'Aangal aathikkam'or something. Its just the opinion that guy is the bridge between his wife and MIL. utta pengal adakkumurai varaikkum poiduveenga pola irukae.. :Ksp: :Ksp:

jar
04-25-2008, 06:52 PM
Shy akka,
Oor lerndhu MIL and FIL vandhirukangala? Thollai thaanga mudiyala ya? Creating too many topics and polambufying here pola irukku.

Ore vazi dhaan. If your hubby is understanding, the battle is mostly won. Let him do the dirty work. Its his responsibility, not yours.

Bluelotus
04-25-2008, 06:56 PM
Shy akka,
Oor lerndhu MIL and FIL vandhirukangala? Thollai thaanga mudiyala ya? Creating too many topics and polambufying here pola irukku.

Ore vazi dhaan. If your hubby is understanding, the battle is mostly won. Let him do the dirty work. Its his responsibility, not yours.

What dirty work?
:think:

jar
04-25-2008, 06:57 PM
What dirty work?
:think:


This seems like a trap. Naa varla indha vilayattukku. You know what I mean :)

Bluelotus
04-25-2008, 07:02 PM
This seems like a trap. Naa varla indha vilayattukku. You know what I mean :)

come come ;) you must explain yourself - you can't leave us hanging now :)

Minnie
04-25-2008, 07:03 PM
Jar,me too didnt get you :confused: what dirty work :think:

jar
04-25-2008, 07:07 PM
Aha vandhitanga ayya vandhutanga ( read it vadivelu style )

bluelotus and minnie, confrontations ai manage panradhu difficult and it gets messy and dirty. adhaan appadi sonen

( i think escape aagiten nu nenaikkiren :sm36: )

Bluelotus
04-25-2008, 07:10 PM
Aha vandhitanga ayya vandhutanga ( read it vadivelu style )

bluelotus and minnie, confrontations ai manage panradhu difficult and it gets messy and dirty. adhaan appadi sonen

( i think escape aagiten nu nenaikkiren :sm36: )

you're asking a child to confront his mother and fight dirty with her?
Isn't that a little unethical?

:think:

jar
04-25-2008, 07:16 PM
:sm18:



Nice to meet you bluelotus :agree:

Bluelotus
04-25-2008, 07:20 PM
:sm18:



Nice to meet you bluelotus :agree:

Nice to meet you too :agree:

But you still haven't answered my question- I'm a tad curious. ;)

Shy
04-25-2008, 08:31 PM
jar ithu thevaiyaaa :sm06::sm06::sm06: ithu thevaiyaa :sm06::sm06:.. sweetlotus kita ippadi mateeteengalee..

questions matum thaan namba kekanum.. illaina gaali inge :ee:

varalai.. but therinchu vachukalaame mathavanga thoughts nu ippadi threads open panittu sutheetu iruken :ee:

Shy

gowthami
04-27-2008, 04:49 AM
Does anybody know the jumble of MOTHER IN LAW?
It is........WOMAN HITLER!!!

Bluelotus
04-27-2008, 01:00 PM
Does anybody know the jumble of MOTHER IN LAW?
It is........WOMAN HITLER!!!

so ?
it doesn't mean that a mother in law would behave like a tyrant.

Idiot
04-27-2008, 01:11 PM
Does anybody know the jumble of MOTHER IN LAW?
It is........WOMAN HITLER!!!

Today's DIL tomorrow's mother in law. :ee:

So, Women = Hitler.. :ahha:

Hurrayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy othukitaanga'pa :wink:

gowthami
04-27-2008, 01:34 PM
It is just a joke and not meant to insult anybody...

Idiot
04-27-2008, 01:45 PM
It is just a joke and not meant to insult anybody...

She is also for argument I guess :think: :think:

ps1 : ponnunga ethai yentha mood'la solraangannu purinjukavae mudiyaathu :Ksp: :cry:

ps2: dei iig eppadi da ithu ellam unnala mattum mudiyuthu :agree:

ps3: again to iig, unakku neram sari illai kanna. :ee: :ee:

Shy
04-27-2008, 03:47 PM
It is just a joke and not meant to insult anybody...

Gowthami.. dont worry :) shes just pulling your legs :ee: :ee: :ee:

Hello IIG,, GUYS = HITLER.. not girls.. they are poor souls who puts up with these hitlers :ahha:

Shy

Bluelotus
04-27-2008, 04:41 PM
It is just a joke and not meant to insult anybody...

I know ;)


still for argument sake - has no legs to stand on :ahha:

Minnie
04-27-2008, 06:57 PM
Why is it all blaming MIL always :think: you mean to say DIL are so perfect. First of all the misunderstanding starts when the DIL opens her mouth. Poi antha family & members,way of their living observe pannaratha vittutu,,neenga ellam ippadiya,,,enga house'la nanga ellam so and so aakum appadi eppadinu bantha panna vendiyathu.....athuku apparam antha family member will start,,,ippadi arguements will gooo...finally unga amma paarunga how she is commenting over me and my family,what right she has'nu question panni hubby'a tension aaki....uffffff this never endsssssss

Best way to mind their own business...just one hi and bye..will work

Idiot
04-27-2008, 07:01 PM
Why is it all blaming MIL always :think: you mean to say DIL are so perfect. First of all the misunderstanding starts when the DIL opens her mouth. Poi antha family & members,way of their living observe pannaratha vittutu,,neenga ellam ippadiya,,,enga house'la nanga ellam so and so aakum appadi eppadinu bantha panna vendiyathu.....athuku apparam antha family member will start,,,ippadi arguements will gooo...finally unga amma paarunga how she is commenting over me and my family,what right she has'nu question panni hubby'a tension aaki....uffffff this never endsssssss

Best way to mind their own business...just one hi and bye..will work

:sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

Minnie
04-27-2008, 07:04 PM
:sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

What laughing :think:

Bluelotus
04-27-2008, 07:29 PM
:sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

motion seconded ;)

minnie- really - a bit of an early start ain't it to butter up your future Mother-in-law ;) ;)

Idiot
04-27-2008, 07:39 PM
motion seconded ;)

minnie- really - a bit of an early start ain't it to butter up your future Mother-in-law ;) ;)

ippadi ethavathu solli nalla irukara one or two nalla ponnungalaiyum keduthuduveengalae :ahha: :snooty: :snooty:

intha kaalathu youngsters ellam parava illai comparing to oldies like Shy :wink: :wink: :ahha:

Minnie
04-27-2008, 07:41 PM
motion seconded ;)

minnie- really - a bit of an early start ain't it to butter up your future Mother-in-law ;) ;)

Why you both laughing ??

What's the use of Butter,when you step into your hubby house with a master plan of,well,you know it....

Minnie
04-27-2008, 07:43 PM
ippadi ethavathu solli nalla irukara one or two nalla ponnungalaiyum keduthuduveengalae :ahha: :snooty: :snooty:

intha kaalathu youngsters ellam parava illai comparing to oldies like Shy :wink: :wink: :ahha:

Before you edit,,quoted it :lol:

Idiot
04-27-2008, 07:43 PM
Why you both laughing ??

What's the use of Butter,when you step into your hubby house with a master plan of,well,you know it....

What master plan ? enna aaacahu innaikku ungalukku ippadi confused'a irukeenga :snooty:

Minnie
04-27-2008, 07:49 PM
What master plan ? enna aaacahu innaikku ungalukku ippadi confused'a irukeenga :snooty:

what I meant is --- soon after engagement,,,the more they jollu uthify with their would-be,,the more they think how to stay away from MIL,how to blame her for each and everything...when they think about it already from day 1,whats the use of butter/ghee etc...puriyuthooo iig uncle. forgot to ask,aunty eppadi intha matter'a :ahha:

Bluelotus
04-28-2008, 06:12 PM
What master plan ? enna aaacahu innaikku ungalukku ippadi confused'a irukeenga :snooty:
And you sadly thought she was honestly going to be the perfect daughter-in-law ;)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honestly I think a newly married woman should start to understand that mothers are threatened by them. they're losing a son. It's really hard to lose a child, especially to an other woman who as far as the mother is concerned doesn't as yet have the son's best interest at heart.
And usually wives tend to forget that they're entering a family unit, and everyone is a little afraid of them, as they have the power to break that entire unit and send it to perdition.

It's difficult but I don't think it's impossible to overcome it.
People are different as we have heard since the begining of this thread- and you've just got to give it your best shot.

Most young women are educated and well read, and should have developed good communication skills by the time they leave high-school- they should try and be more tolerant- turn the other cheek ladies for a while
if it doesn't work out - then do what you think is best...

butterfly
04-28-2008, 07:02 PM
Just Let ur MIL know wat a wonderfull son she has raised & tell her she shud be proud & when not sure about something about ur hubby ask her ...moreover who wud know him better than his mom :)...by doing so u remove her fear of stealing her precious son :)

Bluelotus
04-28-2008, 08:26 PM
Just Let ur MIL know wat a wonderfull son she has raised & tell her she shud be proud & when not sure about something about ur hubby ask her ...moreover who wud know him better than his mom :)...by doing so u remove her fear of stealing her precious son :)

I was thinking of gaining her support and ganging up on him instead :ahha:

butterfly
04-28-2008, 11:07 PM
I was thinking of gaining her support and ganging up on him instead :ahha:

Sure go ahead ...it will be fun :)....but make sure its just casual teasing coz mothers are very protective of their sons ;)

daya
04-28-2008, 11:11 PM
I see the pre-edited version of the soon to be released book of Blues & Pattams..."how to butter your m-i-l".... :)

butterfly
04-28-2008, 11:21 PM
I see the pre-edited version of the soon to be released book of Blues & Pattams..."how to butter your m-i-l".... :)

If it works y not :)...if MIL is happy so wud be her son, Problem solved :) & moreover its fun to join hands with ur MIL to drive ur husband crazy :sm12::sm12:



But the sad part is there are few who are very hard to please...have witnessed one myself .....it was really sad to see how rude a mother can be to her own Son, DIL, & her grandchildren :evil: :evil:....for mothers like her i dunno how u can deal with :(

daya
04-28-2008, 11:37 PM
If it works y not :)...if MIL is happy so wud be her son, Problem solved :) & moreover its fun to join hands with ur MIL to drive ur husband crazy :sm12::sm12:



hmmm. so very true :)

Shy
04-29-2008, 12:44 AM
I see the pre-edited version of the soon to be released book of Blues & Pattams..."how to butter your m-i-l".... :)

very true !!! :sm36::sm36:enna inge ellarum eppadi butter podarathunu thread matheeteengala ;)

But seriously, pattams and others... Its all easy to say... and ofcourse most of the DILs do try that.. but still the issue pops up .... I have seen a family personally known to me, where that girl is just a rubberstamp and always make sures any decision is made by the MIL( her way of thinking that it will please the MIL and will one day make her happy in return) but shes now having 2 kids 5-9.. nothing changed... she is branded as a worker[samaiyal and household work nalla panuvaa] and all decisions are done by others in the family (ILs and husband) they don;t consider her... she just lost all her identity.. the pathetic part is she was university first when she married this guy..

Its very tricky.. if you start helping out in making decisions, then they say you are trying to boss over.. and if you leave it.. they say you are useless.. someway or the other.. you can never come out clean... not many girls back home are lucky to play the balancing part and still maintain their self-respect and identity.

Sweetlotus.. its not that easy... ofcourse you try to compromise, adjust and what not.. but for how long? where is the fun in your life... my cousin adjusted when the entire IL family wanted to accompany them to manali on their honeymoon ... and she did lots like this... putting the families happiness first and trying to understand them and what not.. till today shes doing it... but was she happy personally and satisfied that she enjoyed her life when she had to.. no.. the same MIL make sure her daughters are having fun, when my cousin has to do all the work... in this relationship its not that easy as you think.. its so complicated that even one word, can be twisted.. you got to be very careful..... but I agree, it might be different in families settled abroad.. they might be more open minded and carefree... but.. for people in India... the stupidity is still there....let me give you an example.. last week, my friends relative marriage.. everything went fine... in our culture, after marriage.. both families(immediate ones) will have lunch together... this side guys family and the new girl.. and that side the girls family...they had to serve from the guys side[ importance avangalukaam :ahha:] ... ellam they did correct... finally a kathukutti assistant when serving appalam, kept it on the girls fathers izhai first... seeing that, the guys father made a lot of fuss and even stood to walk away. when the girls side has to come and make all the apologizing to calm him down...

Now thats the stupidity to the core.. but what can you do.. your girl is married to that family and the girl's side has to bite the bullet..

So what I am saying here :think: :think: yeahh.. theoretically its all perfect and will seem easy.. but only when one is in that situation, you will know how hard or easy it is, to do whatever we got to do ;)

daya
04-29-2008, 01:11 AM
Shy.. enna porumi thalli irukkeenga..

it is not the question of living abroad or whatever.. it is the person's mental make up.. which again differs from person to person... oft repeated statement in this thread. You can start off buttering and slowly start giving ideas, maybe dont claim the ideas to be yours initially, perhaps.. if ur ideas work they would come to you for more...there are no hard and fast rules. You have given instances of dils losing their happiness... shy.. patience surely pays .. they have not lost the happiness, they might have lost a few pleasures. Happiness would be theirs.. wait and watch :)

butterfly
04-29-2008, 02:45 AM
Shy.. enna porumi thalli irukkeenga..

it is not the question of living abroad or whatever.. it is the person's mental make up.. which again differs from person to person... oft repeated statement in this thread. You can start off buttering and slowly start giving ideas, maybe dont claim the ideas to be yours initially, perhaps.. if ur ideas work they would come to you for more...there are no hard and fast rules. You have given instances of dils losing their happiness... shy.. patience surely pays .. they have not lost the happiness, they might have lost a few pleasures. Happiness would be theirs.. wait and watch :)

a very valuable point daya :)

Shy,
If u read my post u wud have read that some mothers are very hard to please & want full control...thats where the problem is...it makes it hard for the man to decide to support his mother or wife...so if we make it easy for him by understanding his position then i am sure ur husband will support u & probably use ur ideas without mentioning to his mom that its coming frm u....am saying this coz it worked for my friend...she had hard time with her MIL but coz of her patience & understanding got full support frm her husband & her FIL later.

Shy
04-29-2008, 12:36 PM
Shy.. enna porumi thalli irukkeenga..

it is not the question of living abroad or whatever.. it is the person's mental make up.. which again differs from person to person... oft repeated statement in this thread. You can start off buttering and slowly start giving ideas, maybe dont claim the ideas to be yours initially, perhaps.. if ur ideas work they would come to you for more...there are no hard and fast rules. You have given instances of dils losing their happiness... shy.. patience surely pays .. they have not lost the happiness, they might have lost a few pleasures. Happiness would be theirs.. wait and watch :)

namba inge easya pesuroom.. but battered women stories ellam kekum pothu.. azhugaiyaa varuthu.. athaan when I read that posts.. ellam ezhuthenen :)

Patience surely pays intha situation kedaiyaathu Daya.. Patience might pay thaan... thats what I am getting at.. you can do whatever you got to do.. but end of the day, your peace, happiness lies with someone else who can either make it happen or make it miserable ..

About abroad or wherever.. it does matter daya.. it does.. if you are abroad.. there will be mental torture and in some cases physical, when it comes out.. they make sure the guy and whoever behind is caught..

A 9 month old pregnant lady 3 days back was burnt alive - yes this is still happening.. if you take our newspaper.. atleast 10 cases MIL-DIL issue la irukkum... Now you know indian leagal system.. vaitha pottu pottae.. ivanga ellam escape aaiduvaanga..

Also, in india, society ooda aval menra vaay thaanga mudiyaathu... athukku bayanthee people will try to do what not to please it... but inge who cares.. you know how many ladies are settled abroad.. just for the reason they might not face the talk if they have no children??? So environment where you are DOES matter daya.. inge oru MIL-DIL sandai avaloo easyaa neenga paarka mudiyaathu... the wife will be mostly independent or atleast know the outside world.. but back home evaloo per innum athula kashta paduraanga theriyumma.. ASHA mathiri battered womenkku evaloo NPO irunthum no use.. tragedies do keep happening.. more than in abroad..


a very valuable point daya :)

Shy,
If u read my post u wud have read that some mothers are very hard to please & want full control...thats where the problem is...it makes it hard for the man to decide to support his mother or wife...so if we make it easy for him by understanding his position then i am sure ur husband will support u & probably use ur ideas without mentioning to his mom that its coming frm u....am saying this coz it worked for my friend...she had hard time with her MIL but coz of her patience & understanding got full support frm her husband & her FIL later.

Kandeepa I agree pattams... there are cases that patience, adjustment, compromise, unconditional love and what not did pay off.. But all I am saying is.. there are many around with nothing happening too. So it all depends on not the the DIL..but on the MIL.. if she wants to screw you live.. whatever patience and unconditional love you pour will not work.. and thats reality.. Not every guy out there would go against his mom even if shes at fault.. because it would be hard for him to tell her that shes wrong.. and he would expect his wife to let go and this he expects for years.. and thats where the problem starts, because the wife after one point will not be able to take it anymore... We can all discuss and give clear cut black and white solutions, but in reality, in relationships, its very hard to follow.. everyone is human right... ;) Daya mathiri :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: expectations, aasa paasangal illama oru matured DILa that too when you are just married irukarthu romba kashtam... even if they do, poor girls.. not many are blessed with MILs like ours.

Shy

Minnie
04-29-2008, 01:00 PM
This thread,scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :oops::oops:

daya
04-29-2008, 01:37 PM
There is nothing to get scared of Minnie... nobody in real life will be a personification of all bad things. It might happen in movies, serials and stories, but I think everyone is made of good and bad qualities. If we practice to look at the good things, the bad things diminish in time. Be it the mother in law or daughter in law, all would have habits/qualities the other may like or dislike.

Once a wise person told me, you cannot understand old age unless you become old... we can all find fault with mothers in law until we become one !! Then we can start a thread blaming the d-i-l..:)

Minnie
04-29-2008, 01:44 PM
There is nothing to get scared of Minnie... nobody in real life will be a personification of all bad things. It might happen in movies, serials and stories, but I think everyone is made of good and bad qualities. If we practice to look at the good things, the bad things diminish in time. Be it the mother in law or daughter in law, all would have habits/qualities the other may like or dislike.

Once a wise person told me, you cannot understand old age unless you become old... we can all find fault with mothers in law until we become one !! Then we can start a thread blaming the d-i-l..:)

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

But the problem is,atleast with me...right now only I never look at good things :doh::doh:for sure...I am learning a lot these days :) and thanks for you :)

Itz_Me!!!!
06-30-2008, 09:19 AM
basically if both mil and dil respect each other's space and individuality and do not interfere in each other's routine and the likes , I guess half the problems gets solved.

take care,
Itz_Me!!!

Idiot
07-12-2008, 10:26 PM
Are you married? Then you would have encountered at least some degree of the menace called Motherinlawism. Motherinlawism is such a common occurrence all over the world that most teleserials in most countries harp about it. A casual conversation with any woman will eventually lead to lamentations about how cruel a woman the mother-in-law is and all the atrocities that she unfeelingly commits.

From simply finding faults with the daughter-in-law to outright murder, mothers-in-law especially in India are known for all their bizarre behaviour. And it is not even that uncommon. Almost all of us have seen or heard of at least one such mother-in-law who seems to behave as if her only mission is to make life miserable for the daughter-in-law. But the point to ponder is why does this mother-in-law character behave so mean? She is also but human, then what makes her behave so odd? Let’s just take a random look at various mothers-in-law and scan through their behaviour patterns…MIL X loves her son very much. When the new daughter-in-law walked home, she ‘forgot’ to take the arthi that was part of their religious custom. she watched every single move of the DIL and criticized her for each and every thing….she snubbed, slighted and scathed the girl at every turn and when the girl’s face crumpled in sadness, she even complained to her son that his wife was being rude and making faces at her. She felt the girl was no match to her wonderful son and cribbed no end to everyone about darling son’s misfortune in marrying this bad specimen of womanhood. She feared this girl would not feed her son properly; that she would give away his shoes and ties to her male relatives; that the girl would try to dominate her son and ruin his life. The son got so influenced by his mother’s whisperings that he began to suspect his wife of some foul play and began to ill treat her. As expected the marriage landed in some hot soup.

MIL Y was one another doting mom who loved her son. Although her son was well past his thirties, in his mother’s eyes, he was still a baby. She always fretted over him, feeding him, caressing him and generally keeping the umbilical cord completely intact. She was so fond of him that she could not bear the thought of sharing him with another woman. Therefore the son’s wedding got ‘delayed’ as the mom could just not find ‘the perfect girl’ for her oh so fabulous son. But the relatives were constantly worrying about the son’s advancing age and kept making snide remarks about the boy’s long unwed state and what that could potentially imply. And the son urged the mom to find a girl for him, ‘if only to take care of his parents in their old age’. After much reluctance the mother complied and let the boy get married to a girl of her choice. But she just could not stand the sight of the girl. Every single thing that the girl said or did irritated the MIL no end. To add to her worries, the son started being affectionate with his wife, and that was something the mother could not stomach at all. She started falling sick, breaking into tears, accusing the son of forgetting dear mother who had ‘sacrificed a lot and suffered so much to make him the man was today ’and going behind a bloody upstart who no doubt was only after his money’. The mother’s constant lamentation wore the son out. He started feeling guilty about being with his wife. And each time his mother accused him of being ungrateful, he quarreled with his wife for no good reason. When the girl tried to explain her side of the story the MIL pronounced her to be argumentative. That made the son angrier with his wife and he began battering her. Naturally the marriage broke and the MIL expressed relief that she had saved her son from the clutches of “that arrogant girl.”

MIL Z is another such loving mother, who thought the world of her son. Her son was a successful professional and she was very proud that it had been her hand that had rocked his cradle. Since she rated him very high in terms of his worth she expected the ‘lucky girl’ who would marry her son to bring a fabulous dowry, worthy of her darling son. The daughter-in-law came with a modest dowry. Since there were no other takers for her son, who for all his academic success looked like a cross between a Neanderthal and a Yeti, the MIL grudgingly accepted the girl into the family. But she made sure that her son never slept with “girl who was fit to be only his servant”. She kept the couple separated for the most part and made sure she was physically present when the couple was together. She categorically told the girl, “he is very busy with work, do not expect him to fuss over you…” and kept tabs on the couple. She poisoned the son’s mind, telling him constantly that the wife was not to be trusted, that she had married him in spite of hideous looks only for the sake of his money, and that she would pilfer all his possessions and pass it on to her parents. The son became so paranoid of his own wife that he started reading her dairy, checking her purse and tracking her e mails to know what she was up to. Not surprisingly the marriage was on the rocks.
With this random sample of MILs X, Y and Z it is obvious these women love their sons way too much. And there is no greater tyranny than love. For these mothers expect from their sons not just some ‘love me back,’ but dutifulness, security and gratitude in exchange for all that she does for him. Now that is where the problem starts.

Any mammalian mother on the face of the earth toils a lot for its offspring. For that matter all human mothers all over the world struggle through a variety of hardship to bring up their children and give them the best possible life. Admirable though her parenting is, in genetic terms there is nothing selfless about a mother’s toils. In fact all the efforts she puts in raising her children are purely selfish at the gene level. For only if her children survive, will her own genes thrive and spread. And so it makes complete genetic sense that the mother toils hard to provide for her kids. She is doing it to spread her own genes. But the son cannot spread his mother’s genes all on his own. He needs a sexual partner.

If only the son could mate with his own mother, her goal will be fulfilled, they get to spread their genes and she gets to keep a firm hold on her darling son. But nature, society, law and tradition do not permit the mother-son mating. Because, such incestuous in-breeding can pool together diseased genes. So it makes better genetic sense that the son out breeds with an unrelated woman with a different set of genes.

Had this son been just a daughter, the mother would not have worried so much. She would happily get the daughter married to a man with a different set of genes and breathe a sigh of relief, because the daughter is not a beneficial investment. Until quite recently daughters were not well favored because they were economically a very unwise “no returns” investment. Daughters had no traditional mandate to provide for their parents. Although in terms of genetic sense, daughters also spread her genes, the son is a much better investment because he not only spreads genes but also has the traditional responsibility of providing for his parents.

Today we live in a modern world where women have their own properties and income. But until very recently women all over the world had had no right to hold property or income. That made women helpless and dependant on their men for their financial need and the security that it gave. First it was the father, then it was the husband and finally it would be the son. So the son is not only a gene-spread vehicle, he is also a retirement plan, an insurance for old age financial care. And so it is that mothers are more attached to their sons. And they loathe sharing this son with another woman. Especially because this newcomer would share the son’s resources, but without contributing to the making of the same. That makes the mother feel a deep sense of injustice. As one mother-in-law picturesquely put it, “I planted that tree and my daughter-in-law enjoys its fruits, how unfair!”

Also the wife character has two special extra powers over the son. She could provide the two most important things that a mother can never compete in – sexual companionship and baby making. Sex being a powerful bonding ritual, it makes the partners feel committed to each other. Once the partners get thus bonded, the son might side his wife and that makes the mother feel insecure and jittery. And so, the same mothers who feel so relieved to see the daughters leading a happy sex life, feel irritated and disgruntled to see their daughters-in-law reveling in sexual fulfillment. For a sexually content daughter could potentially bring home the resources of her doting husband, that is an economic gain. Not to mention the genetic gain of spreading some genes in the process. But if the daughter in law is sexually active, then it is a potential loss in the economics department, although the genes may be spreading in the process.

Above and beyond all these dynamics, if the mother in question had to herself the attention of her own doting husband, who continues to support her emotionally and financially, then this lady does not mind her son’s closeness with his wife. Her positive experience with her husband makes her benevolent and magnanimous; she would then not consider the daughter-in-law a threat to her survival. And such mothers-in-law turn out to be angels and fairy god mothers.

................ to be continued

Idiot
07-12-2008, 10:26 PM
But those ladies, who have had the misfortune of being married to poor providers and emotionally callous husbands, turn to their sons for support. And when this son marries and brings home a wife, the mother feels insecure. An insecure mind knows no reasoning. It turns possessive, jealous and malicious; it tries to wrestle the son away from the wife and would stoop to any level to achieve its goal. This leads to Motherinlawism and macabre crimes against daughters-in-law.

In a way, Motherinlawism is actually a kind of test for survival, to check the smartness of the son. A smart son, who understands the workings of his mother’s mind, will try to fulfill his filial duties, without compromising his own genetic spread. He would reassure his mother that he will forever be there for her, make sure he keeps her financially secure and give her emotional support and moral courage. With his mother’s anxieties thus assuaged, the smart son would then proceed with the purpose of his life, by spreading his genes and making sure he has a harmonious relationship with his wife. By balancing both these roles, the son proves he is fit for survival and sure enough, his genes spread.

But sadly, if the son is not smart enough, he could get entangled in the mess of Motherinlawism and end up being a loser. If he leans too much towards his mother, he would make a wonderful son but a terrible husband and a miserable father. If he leans too much towards his wife, he would fail in his duty as a son and set a very bad example for his own children. This imbalance proves the son is not quite fit for survival and in most cases, his genes do not spread. In the end, as always, it all depends on how smart the man is and how deftly he handles situations. Nature though is impartial and neutral; it only lets the best genes survive

Source : http://justpsychobabble.blogspot.com/
From the Blog of Dr. shalini, Psychiatrist.