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Shy
04-18-2008, 12:42 AM
I guess the title pretty much explains it...

Its for both married and unmarried people... married, how are you calling them now... was it your idea or was you ordered ;)

unmarried.. how to wish you call them and why :)

Shy

yasodha
04-18-2008, 01:09 AM
:clap::clap::clap::clap:

Shy excellent topic...;)

usually aththai and maamanu koopiduvaanga....thats murai or order or rule eppadi vena vachikkalaam...:)

Silar kaakka pidikka appa and ammanu koopiduraanga....i guess thats odd...:sm100:

Shy
04-18-2008, 01:20 AM
Murai nu thaan nenaichen.. but my friend recently got married... avalum love marriage.. day before marriage.. MIL sonaangalaam.. u should call us amma, appa from tomorrow.. not athai or maama nu..

I was shocked....

I don;t think anyone can replace our parents... pinna en ippadi theriyalai...

Shy

yasodha
04-18-2008, 01:24 AM
Murai nu thaan nenaichen.. but my friend recently got married... avalum love marriage.. day before marriage.. MIL sonaangalaam.. u should call us amma, appa from tomorrow.. not athai or maama nu..

I was shocked....

I don;t think anyone can replace our parents... pinna en ippadi theriyalai...

Shy

Shy ellam startingla appadi thaan solluvaanga usual dialogue....;) namma ponnu mathirinu solli they will console our parents....:) enna irunthaalum ponnu avanga veetula thaane iruppa thatswhy....:sm36:


Between...neenga sonna mathiri i can't replace my parents...and i never...:) oru amma oru appa thaan lifela irukkanum...;)

hnbhat
04-18-2008, 01:45 AM
Shy ellam startingla appadi thaan solluvaanga usual dialogue.... namma ponnu mathirinu solli they will console our parents.... enna irunthaalum ponnu avanga veetula thaane iruppa thatswhy....

This topic has a lot of background from you come from and to which you are absorbed in arranged marriages. Even in Love marriages, this will be decisive factor unless you do not want to be controlled by your FIL and MIL. WHY in English they are Mother-in-law and Father-in-law? There is no other word equall to to Mamanar and Maamiyar or Atheyar nd Maamnar. Like Mamanaar, aunt and uncle are misleading nor used in a fixed meaning but also generally used. Mother-in-law and Father-in-law is the parents-in-law in traditional marriages which is the Law that make the Parents in Law. In Keralite families, they call the FI ND MI as yu have suggested that means they should be considered as her own parents. I think this is the reason, your friend is asked to call her maamanar as father[in law]. And in traditional maarriages, there is one rite by which both are made children to each others of the relatives.

Both the FI-s are requested to consider him/her as if he were their own son and to consider her their newly wedded daughter-in-law as DAUGHTER [IN LAW]. It is not for the bride only but to the groom also. But in practice and in real life how many follow this high ideal?..........

You may be surprised to know that in Keralite familites (at least in some) the husband is called ettan (brother) for which I also could not see any satisfactory explaantion than the above.

In Tamil. I can see the word maaman used in respect of different relations. Attai (the sister of father) maamanaar (her husband). and their son is also seen called murai maaman (I have seen in films only as I do not have contact with many families. Pls. correct me if I am wrong). And your FI nd MI are also called Maamanaar and Maamiyar. Everything is synchronized by tradition and custom of people.

Out of tradition, it is your choice, I think there is not much your choice in the matter how to call your PI than how they like to be called. This seems to be the case of your friend.

Shy
04-18-2008, 01:50 AM
Yaso :b: :b: :b: :b:

Bhat Sir, Thanks so much for the great explanation. I never knew that it was tied up with certain communities.. I thought it was a general expectations from the elders.. Thanks again for explaining in detail :)

Shy

vasan
04-18-2008, 01:56 AM
I am planning to call them Mr. SoAndSo, and Mrs. SoAndSo.

They've got names - just so people can call them with that.. :wink: Ofcourse they can address me as sir or you highness.. :wink: :)

v-

hnbhat
04-18-2008, 02:04 AM
Why not? Who made PI to be called PI? It is simply because it is there in the dictionary. Where as you are free to call by name if they have/haven't any objection. Only Parents were made parents by us by our birth. The rest is all relative relations.

yasodha
04-18-2008, 02:39 AM
And in traditional maarriages, there is one rite by which both are made children to each others of the relatives.




Bhat sir...can u explain this line alone please....:):think:

hnbhat
04-18-2008, 03:47 AM
It is explained in the next lines. It may be specific to the marriages I attended, and need not be general.

The bride and bride groom are made to sit in the laps of the PI's of each other (Is this that is not clear for You?) and they are requested to treat him/her as their own son/daughter. That is, the girl is handed over to her PI's with the request to consider her as their daughter. In turn, the bridegroom is made to fall at the feet of his PI, and is requested that he should be considered as their son, forgiving any drawbacks out of ignorance done him etc. and advice and guide him. This is reciprocal attitude. And not specific to girls or boys only, but by their parents. Now a days ................. customs and conventions are far removed from real experience in life. As you said, Shastri's say many thing, but......... it is applicable to both. But since the girl is expected to live with her PI-'s it is up to her whether to consider Parents[Parents-In-Law] or Parents-In-Law.

Hope this would make clear. If not, pls. make the point that is not clear.

yasodha
04-18-2008, 04:28 AM
Bhat sir..thanks for the explanation....:) I guess people are following different traditions for the marriage ceremony...I will first clear what they will do in our style and will let u know the difference and try to post comments...:agree:

btw...my concern is on the relationship...:b:it makes a big difference...

Idiot
04-18-2008, 11:10 AM
Shy, Neenga eppadi koopiduveenga'nu sollavae illai :ee: :ee: :think:

Let me call them however they want. Whats there in it ? Paasam, nesam, anbu, mariyaathai ellam inside unthi. On the other hand if they like to call me 'dei nayae' let them. its their wish. Of course I will say my opinion of calling to them as well :ee: :wink:

to explain it more precisely,

Example 1:

In geetham, we use huggy smiley's or smiley's something like breaking heads. Odanae rendu perum smiley enna pannutho athai seyyarathaava artham. :think:


Ps 1 : dei eppadi iig ithu maadhiri ellam unnala mattum yosikka mudiyuthu. :snooty:

Ps 2 : Sorry Shy, If i am deviated from the topic. Athu onnum illai 2008 Quota for 'friendly warning message' from Mods is remaining :cry: :cry: :( :oops:. May be that deficiency is making me to post like this :think: :think:

Minnie
04-19-2008, 02:25 AM
My friend,she calls her MIL & FIL as aunty/uncle....its pakka arranged marriage,,,i asked her the reason too...she said all the remaining DIL's call them the same...:ee:

Besides,why should we call the athai and mama first ? We normally call our mom's bro as mama,,,appo why to call hubby's father as mama ? Enna relation'ooooooo...confusing,c onfusing :ahha:

hnbhat
04-19-2008, 02:46 AM
No confusion. It is for the simple reason that convention that attai paiyan thaan murai maaman, murai maaman is entitle to marry the girl and vice versa. When the custom or murai is changed, the name by which call your PI has not been renamed.

Hope this explains why you should call Maamanaar as maamanaar. And, the difference between Attai and Maamiyar, I am also not able to guess. It seems Attai is exclusively used in Tamil at least to denote the father's sister and maamiyar is used for husband's mother. In kannada, both are used interchangably, but often distinguished by sodara- or murai (born of single mother) qualifying each. In Tulu, there are only maama and maami only distinguished as in Kannada by [B]sodara[B]- murai. In malayalam, am-maaman, maaman or am-maami(vi/yi) dialectal difference.

Murai maaman or murai chekkan is expected to marry the girl and the vice versa she is called murai pponnu. When this murai changes, names haven't changed. This murai also differs from community to community in spite of the usage of the same names to refer to them.

So many names with so many customs and comunities. Isn't it confusing?

Sorry if I made you more confusing.

With regards

Bluelotus
04-19-2008, 10:11 AM
Hope this explains why you should call Maamanaar as maamanaar. And, the difference between Attai and Maamiyar, I am also not able to guess. It seems Attai is exclusively used in Tamil at least to denote the father's sister and maamiyar is used for husband's mother. In kannada, both are used interchangably, but often distinguished by sodara- or murai (born of single mother) qualifying each. In Tulu, there are only maama and maami only distinguished as in Kannada by [b]sodara[b]- murai. In malayalam, am-maaman, maaman or am-maami(vi/yi) dialectal difference.

I'm a Tamil Sri Lankan, and we use Athai and Maami interchangeably, although the older generation prefers to use Maami. However, both words are used to denote the father's sisters, Mother's sister-in-laws, and mother-in-laws, and we don't have any suffix or prefix which helps to distinguish them from each other.

As far as I am aware, there's no such practice which allows nieces to marry their mother's brothers - at least in my family. I always assumed that this practice solely belonged to India.




~~~~~~~~~~

I think it's rather nice of the in-laws to ask their new daughter-in law to address them as mother and father. It shows that they are truly willing to accept her into the bosom of their family.
Refusing to call them as such would probably look very petty...

hnbhat
04-19-2008, 11:05 AM
It shows that they are truly willing to accept her into the bosom of their family.
Refusing to call them as such would probably look very petty...

Very Nince and sincere opinion.
-----------
Off topic(??)
And I have noticed that the word maamy and maaman is used in general to denote any elderly relative whose relation we do not know. It may be parellell usage to the usage of aunty and uncle in English and need not relate to any specific Tamil practice.

Shy
04-22-2008, 10:52 PM
Eggy... naanaa.. :ee: I call her maami...

Wish in our community they had this athai-mama thing like in my friends.. evaloo easyaa poi irukkum...

Shy

vasan
04-22-2008, 11:10 PM
Teacher,

Does your dad have sisters? How do you call them? :think: maami or aththai? How about some general neighbour? aunty or maami? :think:

Do you call anyone (young or old, friends or relatives) by their names? :think: :ee:
Except the one-and-only vasan, that is.. :wink:

v-

gowthami
04-23-2008, 08:32 AM
I call my MIL as Athamma !(Athai+amma)...Is that allright?

Shy
04-23-2008, 11:29 AM
Teacher,

Does your dad have sisters? How do you call them? :think: maami or aththai? How about some general neighbour? aunty or maami? :think:

daddy's sisters irukaanga.. but not that close... so I call them maami only.. neighbors.. elders.. ellarkkum maami thaan.. northy auntieskku matum aunties :ee:


Do you call anyone (young or old, friends or relatives) by their names? :think: :ee:
Except the one-and-only vasan, that is.. :wink:

v-

:ee:

My brothers :ee:, friends.. ellaraiyum per vachu... thaane kupidaren :)

Shy

Shy
04-23-2008, 11:30 AM
I call my MIL as Athamma !(Athai+amma)...Is that allright?

Athamma.. ithu nalla irukee.. I have never heard this word before !! Ofcourse it should be alright :) you are not calling them by name right :ee:

Shy

Idiot
04-23-2008, 02:01 PM
Eggy... naanaa.. :ee: I call her maami...

Wish in our community they had this athai-mama thing like in my friends.. evaloo easyaa poi irukkum...

Shy

There are few who call athai as well. depends on the family may be..



My friend,she calls her MIL & FIL as aunty/uncle....its pakka arranged marriage,,,i asked her the reason too...she said all the remaining DIL's call them the same...:ee:

Besides,why should we call the athai and mama first ? We normally call our mom's bro as mama,,,appo why to call hubby's father as mama ? Enna relation'ooooooo...confusing,c onfusing :ahha:

neenga eppadi koopidalaamnu irukeenga athai sollunga :ahha: Illaina samatha periyavanga enna solraangalo athai kekalaamnu irukeengala :wink: :ee:

Shy
04-23-2008, 02:15 PM
There are few who call athai as well. depends on the family may be..

Oh really.. irukalaam irukalaam..

Shy

Idiot
04-23-2008, 02:20 PM
Oh really.. irukalaam irukalaam..

Shy

i have seen few calling athanga :ee:

daya
04-23-2008, 02:24 PM
i have seen few calling athanga :ee:

hey muttai...athanga is athai's daughter... :ee:

Shy
04-23-2008, 02:26 PM
i have seen few calling athanga :ee:


hey muttai...athanga is athai's daughter... :ee:

naan kotalaamnu vanthen .. :sm36::sm36::sm36:

Daya neenga solave illaiyee ;)

Shy

Idiot
04-23-2008, 02:27 PM
hey muttai...athanga is athai's daughter... :ee:

halo daya mamiyar'a thaan athanga'nu koopiduvaanga :ee:

daya
04-23-2008, 02:32 PM
halo daya mamiyar'a thaan athanga'nu koopiduvaanga :ee:

andha andha urava andha andha muraiyaa koopidanum...adha vittutu thappu thaappa sollittu, mathavanga mela pazhipodakoodaadhu... MUTTAI...

shy vaango rendu perum serndhu kottalaam...:sm15: :sm15: :sm15:

Shy
04-23-2008, 03:06 PM
andha andha urava andha andha muraiyaa koopidanum...adha vittutu thappu thaappa sollittu, mathavanga mela pazhipodakoodaadhu... MUTTAI...

shy vaango rendu perum serndhu kottalaam...:sm15: :sm15: :sm15:

ithukku naan eppothumae muthal aal :ee:

iggy.. here ya go: :sm15::sm15::sm15:

Dayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. neenga innum solalaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiii

Shy

Idiot
04-23-2008, 03:09 PM
ada kodumaiyae :snooty: :snooty:

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:01 PM
I am officially lost - what's wrong with calling your father-in-law Maama and your mother's brother Maama and your father's brother-in-law Maama?
at the end of the day they are all going to be on a par in the relationship circle.

vasan
04-23-2008, 08:33 PM
I am officially lost - what's wrong with calling your father-in-law Maama and your mother's brother Maama and your father's brother-in-law Maama?


Imaginne a gathering (say your son's ear-piercing.. :wink: :ee: ) and everyone of them is gathered and seated right next to the other.. If you call maamooiiii.. who is gonna respond? Too confusing eh?

So, why not use their proper names.. :wink: vasan thaathaaaaa is so less confusing than simply thaathooiii... unless there is one unequivocal thatha present.. (as in the case of Geetham.. )..

Okvaa, blue-honey.. :wink: :) (too many honeys.. so being specific.. :) )..

But alas.. in the name of tradition, my soulful and logical comments.. no one will heed to them.. :snooty:

v-

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:40 PM
But alas.. in the name of tradition, my soulful and logical comments.. no one will heed to them.. :snooty:

v-

My mother has a lot of brothers, I have never called someone just Maama. I don't plan on calling anyone just plain Maama now either.

unfortunately you are my only thattha in Geetham, unless I adopt another, I doubt any confusion would arise ;)

vasan
04-23-2008, 08:45 PM
Blue.. :yes: :yes:

Does your amma have any cousins (guys) who are quite young? Almost about your age or little older? :think:

How would you call them? :think: You still call them so-and-so mama or just with name? :)
Sometimes these things can get very complicated.. :Ksp:

v-

Bluelotus
04-23-2008, 08:49 PM
Blue.. :yes: :yes:

Does your amma have any cousins (guys) who are quite young? Almost about your age or little older? :think:

How would you call them? :think: You still call them so-and-so mama or just with name? :)
Sometimes these things can get very complicated.. :Ksp:

v-

My mother doesn't have any cousins that age- they're all older, so they are either ---Maama or ----Chitteppa

:cool:
and trust me if I called anyone who's officially a Maama or chitteppa by their name my Dad would probably pull my ears :ahha:

gowthami
04-24-2008, 05:00 PM
Athamma.. ithu nalla irukee.. I have never heard this word before !! Ofcourse it should be alright :) you are not calling them by name right :ee:

Shy

Madame,calling as Athamma is quite common in my state.Sorry, forget to tell you, I am a telugu from AP.but know little tamil..

Shy
04-25-2008, 12:07 AM
Madame,calling as Athamma is quite common in my state.Sorry, forget to tell you, I am a telugu from AP.but know little tamil..

Oops .. assumed you were from TN .. and was talking to you in tamil too :doh: sorry!!

so, how do they call FIL.. maamaappa?

shy

vasan
04-25-2008, 12:16 AM
so, how do they call FIL.. maamaappa?

shy

this is too much, shy gaaru.. :wink:

I think they call them maama-gaaru.. :think: :)

'amma' is sorta respectful add-on or suffix too, me thinks.. :think:

v-

vasan
04-25-2008, 12:18 AM
Sorry, forget to tell you, I am a telugu from AP.but know little tamil..

You know all the tamil songs that has 'meen' on it.. and you say you know little tamil.. :00: :00:

Man alive... REZPEKT.. :sm03: :sm03: :sm03:

v-

Shy
04-25-2008, 12:54 AM
this is too much, shy gaaru.. :wink:

I think they call them maama-gaaru.. :think: :)

'amma' is sorta respectful add-on or suffix too, me thinks.. :think:

v-

Helllooo.. No 2 much.. 3 much...

athamma, she had explained previously as athai+amma...

Neenu emi cheyyali..naaku thelisinawaraku.. used the same calculation for FIL as well.. :wawa::wawa:

Vellu vasan vellu, neeku onnum gothilaa....gothila teluguvaa.. kanadavaa... :think: :think:


Shy

vasan
04-25-2008, 01:01 AM
neeku onnum gothilaa....gothila teluguvaa.. kanadavaa... :think: :think:

Shy

:sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

Mera Bharat Mahan.. :sm03: :sm03: You are the true spirit of national integration, teacher.. :sm03:

goththilaa is kannada.. :wink:

v-

yasodha
04-25-2008, 01:23 AM
:sm12::sm12::sm12::sm12::sm12:

Shy
04-25-2008, 01:28 AM
:sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

Mera Bharat Mahan.. :sm03: :sm03: You are the true spirit of national integration, teacher.. :sm03:

goththilaa is kannada.. :wink:

v-

nenaichen... :o:o:o:o

telugula theriyalai eppadi solrathu theriyalai.. tinker ask your GF No:4 and teach me :ahha:

Shy

tinker
04-25-2008, 01:37 AM
idhukku GF ennadhukku kettukittu ....

telugu telidhu ... na telugu theriyaadhu artham ...

daya
04-25-2008, 02:20 AM
nenaichen... :o:o:o:o

telugula theriyalai eppadi solrathu theriyalai.. tinker ask your GF No:4 and teach me :ahha:

Shy


idhukku GF ennadhukku kettukittu ....

telugu telidhu ... na telugu theriyaadhu artham ...

enna shy edhukku gf number ellaam, ivvalavu naaL la tinker would have learnt from her..;)

gowthami
04-25-2008, 04:48 AM
In AP, FIL normally called as Mamagaru or Mavayya..Vasan sir, I was born in AP and did my engineering at Madras, where I picked up some tamil.I like filmsongs particularly in telugu and tamil.My job involves plenty of travel and always carry 20 GB carnatic and film songs.My tamil knowledge is confined to film songs only and oral,reading /writing skills are below average.Hope to learn more tamil thro our forum.Initially I was reluctant and hesitating to enter forums due to my lack of tamil.Now I am confident due to the kindness of forum members and particularly Shy Madame..

Minnie
04-25-2008, 03:28 PM
neenga eppadi koopidalaamnu irukeenga athai sollunga :ahha: Illaina samatha periyavanga enna solraangalo athai kekalaamnu irukeengala :wink: :ee:


Once I start calling "if" such occasion takes place...will bump this thread again and will post it here :wawa:

Minnie
04-25-2008, 03:30 PM
In AP, FIL normally called as Mamagaru or Mavayya..Vasan sir, I was born in AP and did my engineering at Madras, where I picked up some tamil.I like filmsongs particularly in telugu and tamil.My job involves plenty of travel and always carry 20 GB carnatic and film songs.My tamil knowledge is confined to film songs only and oral,reading /writing skills are below average.Hope to learn more tamil thro our forum.Initially I was reluctant and hesitating to enter forums due to my lack of tamil.Now I am confident due to the kindness of forum members and particularly Shy Madame..

Gowthami,you from AP :)

Mama garu.....adding all this gaaru to mama and others...isnt it too lengthy...i mean each time finishing it with garu :rolleyes:

Shy
04-25-2008, 06:27 PM
Gowthami.. :agree::agree::ghug::ghug:


Gowthami,you from AP :)

ippo why are you so excited to hear that shes from AP.. shes not going to any mediating work to your sweetheart :ahha: paavam gowthami.. avangalaiyum antha velaikku ilukaathe

Shy

Minnie
04-25-2008, 06:36 PM
Gowthami.. :agree::agree::ghug::ghug:



ippo why are you so excited to hear that shes from AP.. shes not going to any mediating work to your sweetheart :ahha: paavam gowthami.. avangalaiyum antha velaikku ilukaathe

Shy

neenga thaan no help sollitinga...athaan :ahha:

Happy to see her here & tamil song interest :ee: