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Shy
11-20-2003, 04:50 PM
Hey new topic guys...

We know both parents had a great deal in growing up a kid..

Lets discuss, who influence is more on a kid..

Meaning... kid yarai paarthu its growing up more...

Yaarai role model etc'a its seeing while its growing in this earlier life???

Note : I know mom is so close to the kid and shes the only one the kid loves and is affectionate too.. I am not discussing abt that..

Tamilla soluvaanga...

Kid is like a kallimannu.. athai alagaana statue'asairathum ellai athai naasamaakarathum parents kaila thaan iruku'nu...

So for this.. who influence is needed more.. for a good statue??? and whose is it???

Shy

anainar
11-20-2003, 05:19 PM
Shy,

The concept of role model gets into the kid only in his adolescent age. Till then they think of Spider man or Batman as their heroes and expect their father to be like that. The real concept gets into them only when they are in their teens. They look at what each of their parents are doing and what their values are and try to correlate with what they know.

One thing for sure is, by that time they would have had fair understanding of their parents and the values. Like what the father believes in, is it freedom, or discipline, or independant thinking etc. Based on their own beliefs, either they choose the father or mother. For e.g a docile daughter who aspires to be a good home maker might look at the mother who is a home maker. An aggressive daughter might look at some one who is aggressive in the family. If the father is aggressive, they will connect better and he will be the role model.

So, it is complex and has dependency on both the parent's and child's desires.

Cheers.

Shy
11-20-2003, 05:33 PM
anainar,

I understand what u had mentioned.

What I had in mind is this..

People saying..

"enga paiyaan epapdi thaan panuvaan in situations like this.. appadiyae avan appa mathiri" - Genes similarity ellai.. handling situations, making decisions etc...

Appo which parent is more influenced in this kids growth???

I know I am not clearly explaining u.. but u are pistu.. would have understood where I am going right???

Shy

anainar
11-20-2003, 05:43 PM
Shy,

Santhadi saakula ennai pistu nnu solli ottareenga. :lol: :lol:

Similarity of genes work only to some extent. And that works when they are small kids. Because they dont think independently. So, if the father is tall and athletic and mischievos, the kid has every possibility of being tall and athletic and mischievous when young. At that time, what ever you said is true.

But when they grow up and start thinking independently, the genes take a back seat. The environment they are in, values imbibed on them affects their decision making rather than the genes. Though Gandhi had such serious political ambitions, his sons did not make it to any level. They chose their own way. Probably because Gandhi was not a role model for his sons.

The bottom line is role model is chosen by the children. Their traits and what they want to be, make them choose their role model, rather than genes. When they are small, yes, genes play a role. Grown ups, it is a choice of the children.

Cheers.

Shy
11-20-2003, 05:58 PM
Unmaiyaa sonaa ooturaen'nu solreenga... :(

Genes, I agree with ur point. I had meant the similarity with parents due to genes will be like this "walking, shape of hands, legs.."..mostly it will physical appearance and mannerism invovling ur body.. whil talking, laughing etc..I agree to this.

Gandhi example soneenga, I wanted to mention that. Do u know there's still a rumor wandering out as this..

Regret to point this..

"Naatukaaga paathu paathu.. avarooda children kooda sariyaa avar valarkalai...."

As ur stating if the kids make their own chose, then yaen parents sariyaa valarkalai'nu solraanga.. Parents enna thaan panninaalum, appo antha kid yaeduthukaathu, antha kid thappu thaanae..

Appo why blaming parents for the mistake of the kid???

small or Grown... it seems to be the same thought..

If small, "appa enna valthu erukaanga paarunga.. orae paechu thaan.. sariyaa vaiyaadi...avanga veetula adakavae maatangala???"

If grown, u know many things are pointed towards parents for the things the teens does..

Shy

madhu_aish1
11-20-2003, 06:24 PM
Enga oru mukiyamanna character missing ... :think: :00: enga akka (Sister) . There is a five years gap between me and my elder sister. This was enough for her to be my guardian..(Adai kakaaa patta kunchu- naaan)

She developed most of her characters from my father and influnced mee too. It was like I got inspired more from her and imbibed most of her characters. This could happen if there is senior sister or brother....

otherwise.. even though mom is close to us in our society. Dad being protrayed as the kingmaker of the family has more influence on us.. We dream a lot in our young budding stages and like to achieve something in life.. we believe that our dad has worked hard to get his reputation .. which inturn sow the seeds for his influence in us..

To SHY: Have i understood the topic well.. was my answer relevant. coz i aint a pistu like anainar :ahha:

Madhu

Shy
11-20-2003, 06:31 PM
Good... Correct'a u had understood.. So appo neenga appa thaan influences more, appadinu conclude panni erukeenga (unga cause it was indirect, akka, for akka, ur dad right??)


coz i aint a pistu like anainar

athaanae paathaen.. enna da ennoda topic'la serious madhu paeseetu erukaar.. appadinnu yosichutae padichutu vanthaen... last line'la naan madhu thaan'nu correct'a soliteenga ;)

Shy

dinesh
11-20-2003, 07:15 PM
First and foremost, what's a 'pistu'? :think:

Ok, now the topic......
The answer depends on several facts doesn't it? Which person is more near to the child, which person creates favourable impression on the child, and so on....
It is a scientifically proven fact though, that male children are more close to their mothers, and inherit more of their qualities and female chilren are more close to their fathers.

Madhu's observation is an interesting one too. I've also seen lot of people who have their brothers/sisters as their role models early in their lives....

anainar
11-20-2003, 07:40 PM
Dinesh,

"Pistu" means muttal payyan ( idiot, stupid ) in slang. So, you are also welcome to join the club.

Scientifically sonna Freud was killed by stoning. Ivlo kaalathukku appuram thaan athu unmainnu otthukkittu irukkanga. Being close to a child will definitely make them think postive about you. But whether they would want to be like you is a different question. The aspirations of a child keeps changing. When young they want to be Superman or Shakthima. When rationalism creeps in they know that is all stupid and start thinking realistically. That is where the transformation happens.

Children inherit some basic values from people around them( father, mother, sister, brother etc ). It could be being polite or rude. If they see every one around them to be angry, they naturally think being angry is normal. But they may not pick a role model who is angry always. It is a choice which they make after developing some basic values. And build up beyond that.

So if you come across a child who is angry and cranky all the time, it is possibly because the child's environment is like that. It could be father/mother/brother etc. This is what people say, "pillai sariya valarkalainnu". Does that answer your question Shy?

Cheers.

madhu_aish1
11-20-2003, 08:13 PM
anainar,
Our life is influenced by a lot of people which is true .but being relevant to topic as who influences the most it looks like Dad To me..

Even though he is quite distant from us (in most of the cases) .. his dominant character is liked by the budding child. Being naive and unpolished in the begining .. he/she starts to build up the character which dominates others because of basic egoist approach..

As you said a child who like superman or shaktiman in the kiddish stage would realise the foolishness behind it once he thinks rationally.. Thats not the case everywere.... even in the US society which is considered to be rationally advanced seems to enjoy the characters of super duper man...

More after more from you

To SHY :oottu vathu yen piravi gunam...mmm .. akka kita erunthu vanthu thu... athae kandipaa nirutha mudiyathu .. even reply to my serious postings will have scent of comments... :D .. kalulaa vilazha varaikum oruthunai ottanumm. :evil: naanum enga akkavum saenthu edutha mudivu ethu

madhu

Shy
11-20-2003, 08:14 PM
So if you come across a child who is angry and cranky all the time, it is possibly because the child's environment is like that. It could be father/mother/brother etc. This is what people say, "pillai sariya valarkalainnu". Does that answer your question Shy?

Correct anainar, In situation like what u had mentioned, we can agree that the child's environment is not pleasant and hence its not in good mood.

Simple example, take families abroad, even though the environment is pleasant, even though they are far from sontha ooru, parents are bringing up the child same as they would have there. Temple, culture, tradition, etc.. But still, why a kid is not as the parents expected??? All abroad kids are branded as "ABCD" or "ABCT".

I assume its because there was no influence from any of them in its ealier stage, i mean mostly day care, friends place, appadi thaan child is growing.. Even if mom is home, dad is always running on work. Hence I think basically being parents they dont properly bring up the kids..

Thus since no influence from either side, athu thaanae valaruthu with confused mind... not knowing what is correct ot what ir wrong.. athaan USAla more teen problems than anywhere in the world.

Indiala appadi ellai.. appa amma saenthu they bring up the kid with some discipline, culture, tradition etc... the kid is moulded very good in its early stage..

enna solreenga?
Shy

Shy
11-20-2003, 08:18 PM
To SHY :oottu vathu yen piravi gunam...mmm .. akka kita erunthu vanthu thu... athae kandipaa nirutha mudiyathu .. even reply to my serious postings will have scent of comments... :D .. kalulaa vilazha varaikum oruthunai ottanumm. :evil: naanum enga akkavum saenthu edutha mudivu ethu
madhu

I was very happy to hear this... u know why.. I remembered my college days.. Poothum please vitudunga solra varaikum ootuvoom.. juniors ellam paavam enga kita maateetu muleepaanga....started thinking about my college days... :( :(

Shy

anainar
11-20-2003, 08:38 PM
Madhu,

The point I was trying to make was, "who influences them is more of a choice of the child". I know that is not in the list provided by Shy, but koncham koochapattu add pannaama vittangalo ennavonnu ninaichi I added. :D

I would root for mom in this case. Spending the most if the time with mom is one thing. But if the mom is inspiring, and teaches the child good values, the child will automatically keep her as a role model. I did not have any role model during my early days, but after adolescent age, used to look at my mom as role model. She never worked in office, but, worked in every other way to run our family. There was a time when we made our living only because my mom made matchboxes. But she was determined to give us the best education possible. Looking at her and our condition we brothers responded and did well in education. There was no stopping after that and we are all well settled now. But that period taught us what a woman can do, if she is determined. Anytime, I would vouch that a determined mom will be a much better role model than a father.

Cheers.

madhu_aish1
11-20-2003, 08:43 PM
I was very happy to hear this... u know why.. I remembered my college days.. Poothum please vitudunga solra varaikum ootuvoom.. juniors ellam paavam enga kita maateetu muleepaanga....started thinking about my college days... :( :(

Shy


I envy your kai manakum samayil . u r yearning for your college days. I prefer staying in school ..it is just fun and fun only.. no hurdles..
But neenga than sword eduthikitu manipu kekum varai ooturinga (unga style-la)... :nono: :nono:

To anainar and smelly man (courtest : vennai1.com) enna escapeaa .. illa ennai kathirikai undaaa myakamaaa.. :ahha:
I will be back after 3 hours .. naan byanthu oditen nenaichirathingaaa

Madhu

Minik
11-20-2003, 10:37 PM
Shy avarkale

Nan solven oru kuzathai erandu pyaryum parthe than valarthe. she/he copies both dad and mother. whatever you say or do the next moment the kid will repeat it. even watching t.v. the kid grasps a lot of things. so as a toddler she watches and learns a lot from both parents and as she/he grows older they try to develop their character and make somebody as their role model. until then she/he just copies both the parents.

vasan
11-21-2003, 01:00 AM
To anainar and smelly man (courtest : vennai1.com) enna escapeaa .. illa ennai kathirikai undaaa myakamaaa.. :ahha:
I will be back after 3 hours .. naan byanthu oditen nenaichirathingaaa

Madhu

Escape-ellam onnum illa... office vandhadhu late.. :) :) Oh, this extended sleep in the morning... and the first smell of fresh coffee at 12 noon... Yamarindha suvaigalile sugangalile inidhavadhu engum kaanom.

On the topic: mm... can't really say one way or the other based on experince... My mom always said: See, how dad does...!! (One Example... Dad is pretty close to his siblings and mom used to say when we grow up we should be like that.. ) I don't know who is influencing us in that manner. Both mom and dad worked - and both shared nearly all the work at home too. Well may be a little more for mom - but a lot of work that Dad did we didn't see it, since it may not be at home.. My dad taught me to read and write. Mom is a kanakku teacher and taught me stuff too...

Judging from the siblings though some (one to many) are like my mom in the way they do things, and some others (again, one to many) are like my dad in doing some things. (I am a confused guy who is like, both of them or like neither of them... you can take your pick). Guess I learned to sit down and talk things out, and expect reasoning to solve most issues from my dad and be unreasonable and affectionate from my mom... She can easily forgive any thing I did - and dad most times never lost his cool, he would make us sit down listen to what he says... (Forget the times he lost his cool... man.. sheer dread..). I think the balance is there....

Only way it could alter is because one parent spends lot more time with kids - most often, the mom. And some things you learned early on, never leaves you. So, my vote is for Moms, who have but only a slight lead.. :)

Moms Rock!! (Hey but Dads teach you to Bike !!)

Vasan

madhu_aish1
11-21-2003, 01:48 AM
smelly man is back into action.. good dude..

I notice a point in most replies. People are saying we spend most of the time with mom. but the quality of the time we spent differs.. For example.. during my schooling days. i got to spend a lot of time with my Mom but as soon as dad comes thers is inside shift in my outflow of things.. I tend to tell everything to my Dad eventhough i was with my Mom all the time. Is this because of any hormonal distribution :think: :think: or natural...

We learn and develop skills from whom we are attached better and not the time .. we aint pushing our mom down.. Only stating some of the reali time facts seen through days in life... Enanga amma enaku romba pudikum .. :D but we learn a lot from Dad than Moms.

enna ippo appa kai konchum vongi erukaaa.. :b:

Madhu

laksivan
11-21-2003, 02:02 AM
my opinion is kids inherit some of the characteristics from theirparents without any influences.
Usually mentality of the child depends upon how mom or dad approaches him. if dad is more strict on him, he starts avoiding his father in the sense,
he hides everything. and in the same situation if his mom is very social,
he feels more comfortable to share his feelings with mom than dad.
he will pay heed to his mom's words. in this way mom's influence is more on child.
and reverse case can happen too.

laksivan
11-21-2003, 02:06 AM
this is my personal request to madhu_aish1,
plz try to change ur avator, it scares me a lot, whenever i see ur post with this avator, i scoll down the page very fastly. how did u get these type of pic :Ksp: :Ksp: :Ksp:

madhu_aish1
11-21-2003, 04:45 AM
this is my personal request to madhu_aish1,
plz try to change ur avator, it scares me a lot, whenever i see ur post with this avator, i scoll down the page very fastly. how did u get these type of pic :Ksp: :Ksp: :Ksp:

lak if it is a personal request PM me .. ok vaa. ethu byamaa eruku .. pesaama Shy consult pannugooo. veeram naa ennanu nalla vilaki solluvangoo.. I will try to change my avatar...but i should get a good one. so till that time pls adjust.. :yes: :yes: :yes:

Madhu

anainar
11-21-2003, 06:30 AM
Madhu,

I said in the first post itself, the effect of spending time is only till the child gets to adolescent age. After that they start developing their own objectives and who ever comes closer to that, use them as role model. It could even be sister like your case. I know a friend of mine who used to say, she used to keep her uncle as role model. So, we are not talking about spending time. Atleast I am not talking. So, appa kai koncham keezha irakkunga. :lol:

I am also saying dad does not have influence. After becoming independent, the choice is really the child's. Avlo thaan naan solluven. Ithula, chances of looking at mom as a role model is much higher. If she is independant and inculcates values in the child, definitely the child will look at her as role mode.

Cheers.

san2003
02-02-2004, 12:37 AM
laksivan wrote:

my opinion is kids inherit some of the characteristics from theirparents without any influences.
Usually mentality of the child depends upon how mom or dad approaches him. if dad is more strict on him, he starts avoiding his father in the sense,
he hides everything. and in the same situation if his mom is very social,
he feels more comfortable to share his feelings with mom than dad.
he will pay heed to his mom's words. in this way mom's influence is more on child.
and reverse case can happen too.

i agree wat u said laksivan..... children inherit characteristics from parents rather than being influenced by them .... they are perfect people in the eyes of the small children becoz they have no one else to turn too but their parents.. in my case was my mom coz my dad was too busy in work

wat i am saying is that when children grow up...in any stage... they find a role model that fits their ways n styles n attitude...it can be their parents becoz as some ppl have mentioned earlier... its becoz of genes ... but others can be an influence in life as well

i think my frens were big influence to me and have taught me many things .... my mom has been there for me when i needed a shoulder to lay on.... my dad has been there for me when im in need of financial support... but they r parents n we tend to turn to them.... but our attitude is not influenced by them..... for me... frens n also TV played an important role in changing my life ... my parents din not teach me anything... but the world had taught me everything

shy: am i out of topic ? i myself am not sure... coz this is wat i felt... i might have misunderstood ur question