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Shy
01-16-2004, 06:10 PM
hi all,

Saw SunTV pattimandram for pongal.

Pengal athigama virumbuvathu poorantha veedaiyaa, puguntha veedaiyaa???

We know women love both the families.. but romba love and priority yaarukku thaaraangannu debate panalaam.. :)

Lets discuss...

Shy

anitam
01-16-2004, 07:01 PM
enna porutha varaikkum rendum than...

Shy
01-16-2004, 07:03 PM
Appadi thapikka mudiyaathu anitam....

Obviously women love both.. but athigama virumbarathu yaaranu sollungo.....
I mean u always cant have them in the same place.. prioritize panuvoom ellaiyaa....
Eppo sollungo....


Ok I am going to change to include.. "romba virumbuvathu"..because obviously women love both of them.. but yaethukku priority thaaraaangannu thaan debate pananoom..

Shy

vasan
01-16-2004, 07:06 PM
naan pen-num illai.. :D innum entha veetilum'pugunthavum' (is that a word?!) illai.. :lol:
porantha veedum romba thooram... :( :cry:

naanum argue pannalama? Veena endaa vithandaa vaatham pannura-nnu yaarum ninaichaa?? :think: :think:

Mod/Judge/Initiator Shy avargale, intha ezhaikku arivurai sollungall.. thaiyai koornthu .. :)

anitam
01-16-2004, 07:08 PM
Priority...

Newly married......porantha veedu..
Koncham nallaikapram ......... puhuntha veedu.

Shy
01-16-2004, 07:10 PM
Cha cha appadi ellam ellai vasan.. no vithanda vaatham'nu yaarum sola mataanga.. appadiyum sonna naan pathukuraen.. I know u will analyse correctly.. u points are valuable.. one neednt be in a situation to debate abt it.. karuthu solrathil enna thappu sollungo..

So please let us know ur views

Shy

vasan
01-16-2004, 08:07 PM
No experience, but have a lot of conjectures... so here we go.

There are exceptions, but personally I think 'most' women are more affectionate about their parents family than about their husbands family. Let me say why:

1) I think the sentiments and emotional bonds are created early in childhood. And women have 'little more' emotional bonds than men. Therefore their affection carries on more with their parents family. When in pain, whom does the girl wants around? Her Mom. Who is their greatest hero? Mom. (remember that topic on who is the greatest women... !!). I think it is natural outcome of our childhood.

2) I think motherhood is something that also draws a women closer to her mom - kinda identification and relating to one another.

3) Whatever values we cherish are things that we have learned while we are kids. Whatever fond memories we have are the early ones. Its natural then to be fond of the sources of such memories...

Note though that I am not saying women are 'always' partial or any thing like that. Given this kind of growth and influential environment, its natural that women are more attached and affectinate about their parents home.

Not everything needs to be 'experimental', some times theories will do... :) :) Correct thaane, Shy? :wink: How else can I write about this topic.. :D :D :D

Thanks for this topic: I enjoyed writing :)

Vasan

ps: Oru sandhegam... Sun TV style-la joke, quote from movies ellam kudukanummaa?? Perhaps it will make it more fun.. :)

anainar
01-16-2004, 10:14 PM
No doubt, it will be only their parents house. This is not theory, but practical experience, that too not with one women, but many women( not necessarily my wives, for doubting thomases around ).

For one, almost most of the women I came across, have a little bit of contempt for their husband and their family. It may not show up everytime, but subconsciously, that feeling is there. Essentially because they are used to doing things one way and the girl does it the otherway, and naturally the girls look at the new way with contempt. It could be as simple as making rasam to as complex as taking care of a baby.

So, parents house, parent's house, parent's house :D :D :D

Cheers.

vasan
01-16-2004, 10:34 PM
No doubt, it will be only their parents house. This is not theory, but practical experience, that too not with one women, but many women( not necessarily my wives, for doubting thomases around ).

For one, almost most of the women I came across, have a little bit of contempt for their husband and their family. It may not show up everytime, but subconsciously, that feeling is there. Essentially because they are used to doing things one way and the girl does it the otherway, and naturally the girls look at the new way with contempt. It could be as simple as making rasam to as complex as taking care of a baby.

So, parents house, parent's house, parent's house :D :D :D

Cheers.

Cheey.. Many women-nu padichadhum, udane kelvi-ketkanumnu ninaichen.. You went ahead and spoiled it... :D Thanks for clarifying the doubt - :D

I don't know if there is 'contempt' but definitely there will be less love (only compared to loving their parents!).. Anainar, please wait till the women's brigade to come - they are gonna pounce on you :lol: :lol:

Whats better way to spend a weekend than seeing Anainaar defending (ineffectually) against the entire women's population in Geetham... :wink: :wink:

Shy
01-17-2004, 09:04 PM
Vasan.. That was a good one.. yes experience is not required.. ;) opinions'ae poothum.. but unfortunately... I dont go with ur opinion... I feel all married women is more inclined to her husbands family in prioritizing their care, affection and love.

Vasan and anainar,

As a first step to this discussion.

A woman is in her parents family for 20 years. Remaining time till her life shes with her husbands family. Initially, manasula 1000 aasaigal irunthaalum the day shes married, shes not her parents family anymore. She has a new family now and she has the full responsibility to take care of them. As anitam said.. newly married woman will always be inclined to her parents.. but as days go by she starts to take her inlaws as her parents and move along the new flow of life. Thanooda brother in law, sister in law eppadi life poogum. Not that shes pushed to do it. But thats how she changes for the love she has for her husband.

More to come as discussion proceeds

Shy

vasan
01-17-2004, 10:29 PM
As a first step to this discussion.

A woman is in her parents family for 20 years. Remaining time till her life shes with her husbands family. Initially, manasula 1000 aasaigal irunthaalum the day shes married, shes not her parents family anymore. She has a new family now and she has the full responsibility to take care of them. As anitam said.. newly married woman will always be inclined to her parents.. but as days go by she starts to take her inlaws as her parents and move along the new flow of life. Thanooda brother in law, sister in law eppadi life poogum. Not that shes pushed to do it. But thats how she changes for the love she has for her husband.

More to come as discussion proceeds

Shy

There is a little problem in the statement: Women don't stay with their husbands family - not any more. Its a rarity to find 'joint families'. With people having lesser number of kids, its actually becoming an outdated concept. Moreover, with financial, health and other considerations, parents of either side (men or women's) side may live with them. What I am saying it, convenience and other considerations are mostly responsible for the little bit of joint families we find.

Therefore there is really not much in saying women are more 'affectionate' towards their husbands family (including his brothers and sisters!!!). Its nice to imagine that women change so much because they love their husbands - but thats really only in Utopia. Not in real life - simply because convenience, pratical issues and things like that are what really shapes things at home.

Even if a women is living with her parents-in-law, it does not mean she is more affectionate to her in laws than her parents. She does it because of the way things are done in society - not out of choice, right? If you ask her and do according to her preference, would that really be the case? I doubt it.

I would still argue that things you loved as a kid is what you would love late in life as well. Blood is after all thicker than water. Parents in law are only 'in-laws' but mom and dad are mom and dad !!

Vasan

ps: oru chinna kustin... On who is your hero or greatest women every one (including many women, some probably are married!) wrote saying their mom. I wonder why no one - not even one even as a side track - did not mention their mother in law... !!!! Seriously !!!

Shy
01-18-2004, 12:21 AM
Vasan..

Remaining life time with her husbands'nu naan sonathu doesnt mean she has to spend it like a joint family... What I meant is... her husbands family ir prioritized thats it. Simple'a oru question... awoman was working before marriage.. after marriage.. do u think still she will give all her earned money to her parents family, unless its approved by her husband or her family? we shouldnt talk abt the small percentage of hi-tech families where woman has individual decision liek western families here.. talk abt families back in India. Whatever he had forher parents family before will be lessened thats what I mean.. mother in law mother in law thaan.. amma amma thaan... but mother in law'vae thaan pathukanum in theri old age not her mother... she cant take care of her parents... avangalukku sons and theri daughter in law irukaanga.. apapdium ellathavanga... thaniyaa thaan irukanum.. point me families where girls parents are with the girls... very rare occasions where the guy is toooo good and his parents arent with them... guy parents'a vitutu.. girls parents yaar pathuka mudiyum.. thats what I said... 20 years brought up panninavangalooda.. remaining 40 years ungalai paathuka pooraar ellai unga husband avar'ooda family thaan important for u... woman's life with her parents is too less vasan... not like guys.. amma can never be replaced by mother in law.. but she will be given a separate equal level in the girls heart.

Shy

butterfly
01-18-2004, 12:37 AM
shy wrote,


amma can never be replaced by mother in law.. but she will be given a separate equal level in the girls heart.



Veru true shy...this is like asking a person appa pudikuma amma pudikuma....its a very tough question to answer...

anitam wrote


enna porutha varaikkum rendum than...

later she wrote


Priority...

Newly married......porantha veedu..
Koncham nallaikapram ......... puhuntha veedu.


Its puguntha veedu coz she feels comfortable now in that family

vasan wrote,


Even if a women is living with her parents-in-law, it does not mean she is more affectionate to her in laws than her parents. She does it because of the way things are done in society - not out of choice, right? If you ask her and do according to her preference, would that really be the case? I doubt it.


Not always vasan...depends on ur inlaws...how comfortable they make u feel...there are some women who adore they inlaws...& there are others who drop them off in an oldage homes...

vasan wrote


Therefore there is really not much in saying women are more 'affectionate' towards their husbands family (including his brothers and sisters!!!). Its nice to imagine that women change so much because they love their husbands

Women dont change...the basic characterstic of most women is to care....& as humans we are taught frm the day we are born how much family is imp...we learn to love not only our brothers/sis but our cousins & neices, nephews....in the same way once u get married his bro & sis becomes a part of u...they become ur family...actually its nice to have 2 families who care for u & are looking out for u :)

gsatnan
01-18-2004, 06:23 AM
i would say they love porandha veedu more than pugundha veedu but in some cases the grl would think that now shes married and she has to give more importance to her MIL and FIL as it is the case in my cousin sister... she never says anythin which happpens at her inlaws place to her mom or dad.... she says few things to me as shes real close to me...

Shy
01-18-2004, 08:41 PM
gsat,

Athu eppadi some cases matum solreenga.. how do u differentiate those girls alone..Sorry...but explanationkaaga taking ur cousisi sister as an example.. Eppo avanga yaen maraikuraanga abt happenings in inlaws place.. because she considers her husbands family as her own and not want to discuss it with anyone or because knowing whats happening her parents wont like'na.. eppadi yaeduthukalaam..???

Shy

king_143
01-18-2004, 09:07 PM
WOMEN ARE AFFECTIONATE TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN.

Thats all I have to say, This is a truth all others are relative

Shy
01-19-2004, 02:58 AM
Olunga explain pannunga king... affectionate towards their children is true.. but when it comes to family.. eppadi prioritize pannuraaanganu thaan questionae.. :)

Eppo sollunga

Shy

katteri
01-19-2004, 05:17 PM
Husband family thappu...most of the women dont like husbands family

Shy
01-19-2004, 05:22 PM
Eppadi solreenga... Generalized'a appadi statement solla mudiyaathu :) katteri...

Do u think all women hate husbands family and just honeytalking when with them..?

Shy

katteri
01-19-2004, 05:45 PM
Eppadi solreenga... Generalized'a appadi statement solla mudiyaathu :) katteri...

Do u think all women hate husbands family and just honeytalking when with them..?

Shy

Shy ,
I didnt say ALL i said Most......and that is true...
Take any family thou women say they r happy with husband family....they love their family better (difference konjam than...)...

Shy
01-19-2004, 05:56 PM
Athu irukkum.. I wont say they forget their parents family.. but as years pass by.. husbands family thaan will be ahead in their thinkingnu solraen.. Difference irukaathu katteri.. parents familykita irukara paasam eppothum irukkum.. but husbands familykita irukara care and affection is more.. becuase may be u can say enga entha fmailyla she has lots of responsibilities ... eppo sollunga.. Neenga solra difference poorantha veedunu irukara aasai.. sweet memories etc... but day to day lifela athigama affectionate and care'ooda she will be with the husbands family only..

Shy

katteri
01-19-2004, 06:00 PM
Konajm clarifcation
Husband family: Family of the male
Parent family: Family of female
After marriage :family (husband+wife+children+ parents of husband).....
Wht u say will be right 2wards husband and their children but not to their parents or in laws...

Shy
01-19-2004, 06:04 PM
If I had understood correctly.. women will think about their family(her children and husbandalone'nu solreengala?

Shy

katteri
01-19-2004, 06:08 PM
S, its quite natural....

Shy
01-19-2004, 06:12 PM
Yes katteri.. thats true.. for a woman she first takes care of her children and husband.. yes thats natural.. but life doesnt always wander with these people alone. She has responsibilities to look after her husbands family too.. so in these situations.. she prioritizes her husbands family next to her family(children and husband).. appuram thaan parents family... appo do u think she cares abt her parents family and then her husbands family...

katteri
01-19-2004, 06:16 PM
Yes katteri.. thats true.. for a woman she first takes care of her children and husband.. yes thats natural.. but life doesnt always wander with these people alone. She has responsibilities to look after her husbands family too.. so in these situations.. she prioritizes her husbands family next to her family(children and husband).. appuram thaan parents family... appo do u think she cares abt her parents family and then her husbands family.....

When women start thinking of considering the husband's parent as a seperate family...Parent family comes first ilaiyaaa..

Shy
01-19-2004, 06:28 PM
Athaan eppadi solreengo???

Romba simple example'la irunthu poogalaam.....

Assume shes going to a pattu saree shop and planing to get sarees, its not an occasion... do u think she can get only for her and her amma, her sister...etc...Also can she get for everyone.. liek her amma, her MIL, her sister, her SIL....even if shes working....

Shy

sri_gan
01-19-2004, 06:32 PM
Shy,

Naan innum intha topic le vote podalai.

But enakku therincha varaikkum, most women have a special place for their birth home and they always tend to show some special affection where they were born.

No matter how much they love their husband and family etc... when you make a small move about a birth home you might get a special attention (if you made a wrong move you will the worst and if you make a good move you are the great).

This question have a known answer.

Shy
01-19-2004, 06:41 PM
Sri_gan I accept that.. poorantha veedu has a special place in everyones heart.. I am not ignoring that...

But practical life'la which family is prioritized in her mind/heart??? thats what the topic should have been about... naan thai naan thought and opened the topic..

Whether shes with her husbands family or abroad as a nuclear family.. she first cares abt her husbands family.. talk to them once a week if away..ellaina u all know how she takes care of them.. appo parents pathiyum family pathi enga think pana time irukkum.. irunthaalum want she can do??

Shy

sri_gan
01-19-2004, 06:52 PM
Shy,

I thought the same like you did before thats long before.

But, Practically speaking nenga enna than husband, own family enna venna sollunga, Ithu unga appa or amma koduthuvitta podavai nu summa oru udance vittu saree yaarachum koduthanganu vachikonga... kondu vanthu kodutha person kku kidaikura mariyathai.... marriage pannikitta husband kku kidaikkum solla mudiyathu.

Thats how a women's world is made of. I remember comparing a women's life to a child, that goes hand in hand here.

Its is easy to prove what I'm saying and no one can deny the fact.

Onnum illai, husband kitta problem na ponnunga enna solluvanga.... naan enga vettukku poiduven nu... see thats the immediate resoponse, they programmed themselves that way.

r_sowmya_r
01-23-2004, 03:23 PM
Athaan eppadi solreengo???

Romba simple example'la irunthu poogalaam.....

Assume shes going to a pattu saree shop and planing to get sarees, its not an occasion... do u think she can get only for her and her amma, her sister...etc...Also can she get for everyone.. liek her amma, her MIL, her sister, her SIL....even if shes working....

Shy

Of course she cannot take saree for her, her amma and her sister alone. If she takes for them she has to necessarily take for MIL, SIL etc., But she can take sarees for her in-laws without taking for her parents. Becoz that is how our social setup is.

And I think, shy, u confuse urself with "DUTY" and "AFFECTION". A girl after marriage is dutybound more towards her husband's family and not at all towards her parents' family. That is what the society thinks. As some people had said, initially newly married are more affectionate towards their parents family. But the love towards in-laws arises depending on the way they treat her and give importance to her. As shy told there are cases where some women care more for her in-laws than her parents in their heart. But this situation is very rare. I happened to read "En diary" section of the latest issue of avalvikatan. The situation goes like this. A girl loves a guy and gets married to him against her parents' and the guys' parents wishes. He is very affectionate to her that she forgets even the loss of her parents' relationship. But suddenly he dies and she is left with no one. After some time her parents-in-law revive their relationship with her and show affection. But her own parents did not. Life just passes and suddenly she falls in love with another guy who is very understanding towards her. He straightaway asks for hand to her in-laws and they happily agree to her marriage. This girl is really confused as to whether she should marry him and go away from her parents-in-law who has supported her in distress. In a situation like this women's affection to her in-laws truly come from their heart.

If a woman faces a problem with her MIL for example, whom does she share her problem with(other than her husband, assuming that her husband does not take her seriously)? It is naturally her mother. Only when u deeply love somebody and care for them, u can share u'r personal problems. Not otherwise.

sri_gan
01-23-2004, 03:38 PM
r_sowmya_r,

I would have to agree with you on certain responsibilities society had enforced, i'm not denying that fact.

But when it comes to family, there is no need to think about what society thinks, that might not help a honest relationship in any case.

Avalvikatan thing, The best thing would be marrying that person(provided they both understand little less than perfect) athule enna confusion vendi irruku, If the inlaws were supportive they will know she needs someone when they are not going to be there... *The lifetime differs*

Ofcourse society will say a lot and but the society will also forget 'cause not everyday everyone is opening their eye to mock people around.... appadi neriya kuttam irruntha nama vera edathukku migrate pannika vendiyathan.



Appuram,



And I think, shy, u confuse urself with "DUTY" and "AFFECTION".


r_sowmya_r,

I think you are really very bold in expressing thoughts, Reply varum parunga....."jiiiivuuuuuu" nu irrukum. Be Prepared.

Minik
01-23-2004, 04:12 PM
shy this is big dilema question. I personally think both families are important for a woman. when u think of buying a saree for your inlaws you naturally think of your mother and u buy for her too, and its the same way other way too. husbands mother or wife's mother both are mothers who raised us so we should'nt think that husbands mother are not my mother. when u are mother, you look out for your kid, don't u but when the kid grows up he/she does'nt need a mother but a partner and now mother is feeling a kind of sad thinking that her son or daughter does'nt need her so we should try to take away that feeling by loving her. I personally think that a women no matter what, she loves both sides of the family. It does'nt come as duty bound but it comes naturally from within to love the inlaws.

kannanraja
01-23-2004, 06:03 PM
thalaiva,
intha idea yengirundhu suttadhu????
It is an interesting topic....

Pengal eppavume amma veetuukku thaan support panrango...

-K

sri_gan
01-23-2004, 06:26 PM
thalaiva,
intha idea yengirundhu suttadhu????
It is an interesting topic....

Pengal eppavume amma veetuukku thaan support panrango...

-K

Yaara thalaiva nuu kuppidurenga?

Yaarum yethaiyum sudala... these are very old topics in geetham.

Nenga innum koncham detailed explain pannuga... appa thane ellarukkum piriyum.

Shy
01-23-2004, 09:29 PM
Of course she cannot take saree for her, her amma and her sister alone. If she takes for them she has to necessarily take for MIL, SIL etc., But she can take sarees for her in-laws without taking for her parents. Becoz that is how our social setup is.

What do u mean by social setup. U are going to pay for the saree. you are going to select it and its for ur relatives(MIL, SIL , mother, sister) etc. Enage social enna pana pooguthu. Neenga vaangarathum vaangaama poorathum ur choice, and its ur mind to handle both the situations. Am I right. If u want to buy for everyone u will, can do that. If u want to ignore everyone and buy for urself.. Thats too possible. Everything that u decide has to do with u and ur family only and I dont think any social interference in this.


And I think, shy, u confuse urself with "DUTY" and "AFFECTION".

Is that right? May be u can explain me in detail more later.


A girl after marriage is dutybound more towards her husband's family and not at all towards her parents' family.

I think someone got confused here itself. I dont think doing stuff for my husbands family is duty bound. 20 years ennai paathukita ennoda family ooda from 21st year till my death.. my husbands family whose taking care of me is obviously important to me. They are no just another family to me. They are too my family and they are important to me too. I never think its a duty for me to look after them. It love, affection... unga parents'a take care panrathu duty'a affectiona?? answer me.. same thing goes here too.. Society enna saiyum.. Appadi iruntha ennaikkum joint family irukanumaae.. but mostly nuclear family thaanae.. eppo avanga avangalukku yaetha mathiri they are leading life and none damn cares abt the society. If at all as you say if someone is caring abt society old age homes epapdi vanthathu sollungo? societykku bayanthu wont they taken care of the eldders. I think it just a saakkku for people to escape by pointing the society ;)


But this situation is very rare. I happened to read "En diary" section of the latest issue of avalvikatan. The situation goes like this. A girl loves a guy and gets married to him against her parents' and the guys' parents wishes. He is very affectionate to her that she forgets even the loss of her parents' relationship. But suddenly he dies and she is left with no one. After some time her parents-in-law revive their relationship with her and show affection. But her own parents did not. Life just passes and suddenly she falls in love with another guy who is very understanding towards her. He straightaway asks for hand to her in-laws and they happily agree to her marriage. This girl is really confused as to whether she should marry him and go away from her parents-in-law who has supported her in distress. In a situation like this women's affection to her in-laws truly come from their heart.

If a woman faces a problem with her MIL for example, whom does she share her problem with(other than her husband, assuming that her husband does not take her seriously)? It is naturally her mother. Only when u deeply love somebody and care for them, u can share u'r personal problems. Not otherwise.

I think u contradicted urself here. First in that en diary u saw how arrogant(not in the bad way.. but nee ennai matheekaama u married so will enver accept unu sonaanga ellai .. antha arrogance)a mother can be and how an MIL can be a mother to you. It all depends on how to behave with them. They are elders. Ungalukku importance vaenumnnu if u are expecting give double time what u expect to them. Appuram thaanae life will be smoother and MIL will no longer be MIL but yet another mom for u.

So I think u got confused on which level these family stands. Read my earlier posts. Mother, Father are those who cant be compared at all. They are always in our hearts in a special way. MIL and FIL are parents in the same level but in a different special way. Paitha kadamainu onnu undu. That can never be compensated. In the same way.. puthusa oru veetukku vaalavantha poonai nathooda poonunu paathukaraangaella.. athuvum cannot be compensated. remember !!!

Shy

butterfly
01-24-2004, 12:28 AM
sowmiya wrote,


As some people had said, initially newly married are more affectionate towards their parents family. But the love towards in-laws arises depending on the way they treat her and give importance to her. As shy told there are cases where some women care more for her in-laws than her parents in their heart.


Welcome to geetham family sowmiya...I think we are all in the same thinking...

shy wrote,


Mother, Father are those who cant be compared at all. They are always in our hearts in a special way. MIL and FIL are parents in the same level but in a different special way. Paitha kadamainu onnu undu. That can never be compensated. In the same way.. puthusa oru veetukku vaalavantha poonai nathooda poonunu paathukaraangaella.. athuvum cannot be compensated. remember !!!



minik wrote,



shy this is big dilema question

My thoughts exactly...I cudnt vote on this topic...coz both are imp...


I personally think that a women no matter what, she loves both sides of the family. It does'nt come as duty bound but it comes naturally from within to love the inlaws.

very well said Minik...its hard to choose...

raja wrote,


Pengal eppavume amma veetuukku thaan support panrango...


can u explain on that...read on all the posting of women here Raja...wat they had to say...

r_sowmya_r
01-24-2004, 10:43 PM
r_sowmya_r,

I would have to agree with you on certain responsibilities society had enforced, i'm not denying that fact.

But when it comes to family, there is no need to think about what society thinks, that might not help a honest relationship in any case.

By society, I meant u'r close relationships- U'r mother, father, MIL, FIL, brothers, sisters, BILs, SILs. We need not care about what others think- I mean the people other than these and few other close ones. Of course if we worry about what our SIL's close friend or such other people think, we will definitely not have a honest relationship.


Avalvikatan thing, The best thing would be marrying that person(provided they both understand little less than perfect) athule enna confusion vendi irruku, If the inlaws were supportive they will know she needs someone when they are not going to be there... *The lifetime differs*




I was just trying to quote the issue raised by the woman and said that if we were to have such good in-laws, our "DUTY" towards in-laws gets transformed to "AFFECTION". If they are going to be very affectionate towards their daughter-in-law, her actions will be more out of love than out of duty.

r_sowmya_r
01-24-2004, 11:27 PM
Of course she cannot take saree for her, her amma and her sister alone. If she takes for them she has to necessarily take for MIL, SIL etc., But she can take sarees for her in-laws without taking for her parents. Becoz that is how our social setup is.

What do u mean by social setup. U are going to pay for the saree. you are going to select it and its for ur relatives(MIL, SIL , mother, sister) etc. Enage social enna pana pooguthu. Neenga vaangarathum vaangaama poorathum ur choice, and its ur mind to handle both the situations. Am I right. If u want to buy for everyone u will, can do that. If u want to ignore everyone and buy for urself.. Thats too possible. Everything that u decide has to do with u and ur family only and I dont think any social interference in this.

I have answered about this in my previous post.



And I think, shy, u confuse urself with "DUTY" and "AFFECTION".

Is that right? May be u can explain me in detail more later.
In your previous post, u had said


Whether shes with her husbands family or abroad as a nuclear family.. she first cares abt her husbands family.. talk to them once a week if away..ellaina u all know how she takes care of them.. appo parents pathiyum family pathi enga think pana time irukkum.. irunthaalum want she can do??
Well shy, I didn't mean to offend u by saying that u r confused between duty and affection. But the highlighted part in the above quote led me to think that u r confused between both. But again I would like to reinforce that duty changes to affection depending on the way they treat you and recognize you.




A girl after marriage is dutybound more towards her husband's family and not at all towards her parents' family.

I think someone got confused here itself.

Didn't you read my next sentence? I have told that it is what the society thinks, not my thinking.(Once again my understanding of society is what i have quoted in my earlier post. Atleast that is what i think and care.)



I dont think doing stuff for my husbands family is duty bound. 20 years ennai paathukita ennoda family ooda from 21st year till my death.. my husbands family whose taking care of me is obviously important to me. They are no just another family to me. They are too my family and they are important to me too. I never think its a duty for me to look after them. It love, affection... unga parents'a take care panrathu duty'a affectiona?? answer me.. same thing goes here too.. Society enna saiyum.. Appadi iruntha ennaikkum joint family irukanumaae.. but mostly nuclear family thaanae.. eppo avanga avangalukku yaetha mathiri they are leading life and none damn cares abt the society. If at all as you say if someone is caring abt society old age homes epapdi vanthathu sollungo? societykku bayanthu wont they taken care of the eldders. I think it just a saakkku for people to escape by pointing the society ;)

Shy, Not everybody gets good in-laws as u have got. If everybody gets good in-laws, ofcourse it is not going to be a duty to look after them. It is going to be out of love and affection towards them.

About the rise of old age homes, there can be many reasons of which i would like to point out a few of them:

1) Mother-in-law not treating her daughter-in-law properly.
2) Daughter-in-law not treating her mother-in-law properly.(Of course i have not talked about this here becoz it is irrelevant to the topic we have here)
3)A family with one and only child who is a daughter or a son living abroad unable to take their parents due to some practical difficulties like not getting visa etc.,

and such many reasons.........




But this situation is very rare. I happened to read "En diary" section of the latest issue of avalvikatan. The situation goes like this. A girl loves a guy and gets married to him against her parents' and the guys' parents wishes. He is very affectionate to her that she forgets even the loss of her parents' relationship. But suddenly he dies and she is left with no one. After some time her parents-in-law revive their relationship with her and show affection. But her own parents did not. Life just passes and suddenly she falls in love with another guy who is very understanding towards her. He straightaway asks for hand to her in-laws and they happily agree to her marriage. This girl is really confused as to whether she should marry him and go away from her parents-in-law who has supported her in distress. In a situation like this women's affection to her in-laws truly come from their heart.

If a woman faces a problem with her MIL for example, whom does she share her problem with(other than her husband, assuming that her husband does not take her seriously)? It is naturally her mother. Only when u deeply love somebody and care for them, u can share u'r personal problems. Not otherwise.

I think u contradicted urself here. First in that en diary u saw how arrogant(not in the bad way.. but nee ennai matheekaama u married so will enver accept unu sonaanga ellai .. antha arrogance)a mother can be and how an MIL can be a mother to you. It all depends on how to behave with them. They are elders. Ungalukku importance vaenumnnu if u are expecting give double time what u expect to them. Appuram thaanae life will be smoother and MIL will no longer be MIL but yet another mom for u.

How do u say that i contradicted here? In-laws in the quoted case were angry that their son married the girl without their consent. But they were more reasonable(not bad) and cooled down. But not all of them are such. That is what i was trying to convey by saying that it is a rare situation. To get importance we can wait but how long? We cannot wait for ever. One of my close friends has got such in-laws. The closer she tries to get to them the farer they go. What can you do about it? On the other hand, another friend of mine has got very good in-laws who really care for her. Ultimately she too cares for them. What I am trying to convey is

"AFFECTION IS MUTUAL AND CANNOT BE ONE-SIDED"



So I think u got confused on which level these family stands. Read my earlier posts. Mother, Father are those who cant be compared at all. They are always in our hearts in a special way. MIL and FIL are parents in the same level but in a different special way. Paitha kadamainu onnu undu. That can never be compensated. In the same way.. puthusa oru veetukku vaalavantha poonai thanooda poonunu paathukaraangaella.. athuvum cannot be compensated. remember !!!

Shy

Ofcourse neenga sonna maadhiri sondha ponna pathukittaanganna it cannot be compensated. But ellarum appadi irukkaradhu illayae, adhu dhaanae problem!!

Shy
01-26-2004, 12:25 AM
Whether shes with her husbands family or abroad as a nuclear family.. she first cares abt her husbands family.. talk to them once a week if away..ellaina u all know how she takes care of them.. appo parents pathiyum family pathi enga think pana time irukkum.. irunthaalum want she can do??

Well shy, I didn't mean to offend u by saying that u r confused between duty and affection. But the highlighted part in the above quote led me to think that u r confused between both. But again I would like to reinforce that duty changes to affection depending on the way they treat you and recognize you.

No offense taken. But I think u took it in the wrong sense when Imeant what she can do. The meaning of that sentence is. In a Indian family a daughter cant take of her family like she takes care of her usbands family. That part is taken by the son in the family. So she can wish them well and at times do what she can.. but her priority is always her husbands and not her parents familynu solla vaenthaen... eppo sollungaa


Didn't you read my next sentence? I have told that it is what the society thinks, not my thinking.(Once again my understanding of society is what i have quoted in my earlier post. Atleast that is what i think and care.)

Society thinking pathi if u care and think then I take it u incline towards it. Because for some people its more what they think in mind/heart and act and not what the society will think if they act in some situations..:)


Shy, Not everybody gets good in-laws as u have got. If everybody gets good in-laws, ofcourse it is not going to be a duty to look after them. It is going to be out of love and affection towards them.

I wont accept that its that not everyone gets good inlaws.. I can say this too.. not everyone get good daughter in law. See, my point is.. its ur life. u got to adjust to the family u are going to fit in.. they will to some extent can adjust for you.. but the major part is to be played by the daughter in law..


1) Mother-in-law not treating her daughter-in-law properly.
2) Daughter-in-law not treating her mother-in-law properly.(Of course i have not talked about this here becoz it is irrelevant to the topic we have here)
3)A family with one and only child who is a daughter or a son living abroad unable to take their parents due to some practical difficulties like not getting visa etc.,

and such many reasons.........

First it is relevant.. I am suprised why u said its not relevant.. Second, A daughter in one family is daughter in law in other. As that person we have to analayse the person to judge tehe choices. :) As that daughter in law u had specified, her choice will obviously be parents family no doubt in that.

Second in the colored one, my personal opinion... appadi orae son and daughter old age homes'la parents vitutu I dont think they need to earn money abroad.. thats the worst thing they can do for their parents in their last age. They should leave whatever they have and be with them back home. - Not related.. just thought of saying..


How do u say that i contradicted here? In-laws in the quoted case were angry that their son married the girl without their consent. But they were more reasonable(not bad) and cooled down. But not all of them are such. That is what i was trying to convey by saying that it is a rare situation. To get importance we can wait but how long? We cannot wait for ever. One of my close friends has got such in-laws. The closer she tries to get to them the farer they go. What can you do about it? On the other hand, another friend of mine has got very good in-laws who really care for her. Ultimately she too cares for them. What I am trying to convey is

"AFFECTION IS MUTUAL AND CANNOT BE ONE-SIDED"

25 years valratha oru son leaving them for a girl who he had meet lets say 5 years.. entha parentsum cant digest. Yes it will not be reasonale.. but thats not wrong. They have every right to be like that. Plus u have to remember that they are not our generation and will have lots to accept. IT may take one years or years.. but u got to wait. that what u show them as respect. I am not telling this as dialogues. One of my friend's sister.. she waited for 10 years for their acceptance. Each year every occasion, birthday..anniversary, fastival.. she will keep on doing something etc.. she made them understand ... she was a good DIl for them and not shes no more DIL, but daughter for them.. so as that generation people u got to give them some time to accept. Its not rare situation, its one rice in the pot.. there might be such MIl in this world.. thats what I meant.

Affection should be one-sided if u want to win ur MIl's heart , after all shes in pain because her son married against her wish right

Example. When with ur husband.. if he doesnt do something, meaning liek not getting u a bouquet for ur anniversay or any gift somethign liek that.. epapdi upset aagureenga.. imean u start to think he forgot .. hes not in love with me anymore etc... the example is not exact.. but what I am trying to convey is u will feel u are let down.. ungalukae appadi iruntha.. 25 years valartha amma.. when the guy is doign something against her.. not even caring...how will she feel??? so she has the right to be outraged and point all the anger toward DIL..but in her part she can just pour her affection towards her and make her understand her son has made the right choice. and hes very happy with u.. thats whats a mom wants...

Shy

r_sowmya_r
01-26-2004, 08:03 AM
Whether shes with her husbands family or abroad as a nuclear family.. she first cares abt her husbands family.. talk to them once a week if away..ellaina u all know how she takes care of them.. appo parents pathiyum family pathi enga think pana time irukkum.. irunthaalum want she can do??

Well shy, I didn't mean to offend u by saying that u r confused between duty and affection. But the highlighted part in the above quote led me to think that u r confused between both. But again I would like to reinforce that duty changes to affection depending on the way they treat you and recognize you.

No offense taken. But I think u took it in the wrong sense when Imeant what she can do. The meaning of that sentence is. In a Indian family a daughter cant take of her family like she takes care of her usbands family. That part is taken by the son in the family. So she can wish them well and at times do what she can.. but her priority is always her husbands and not her parents familynu solla vaenthaen... eppo sollungaa

OK!! Now i understand what u meant by saying what she can do!! And ofcourse Priority is her husband's family-but whether is out of duty or affection is the question in hand. Will explain this in more detail below.




Didn't you read my next sentence? I have told that it is what the society thinks, not my thinking.(Once again my understanding of society is what i have quoted in my earlier post. Atleast that is what i think and care.)

Society thinking pathi if u care and think then I take it u incline towards it. Because for some people its more what they think in mind/heart and act and not what the society will think if they act in some situations..:)


Shy, Not everybody gets good in-laws as u have got. If everybody gets good in-laws, ofcourse it is not going to be a duty to look after them. It is going to be out of love and affection towards them.

I wont accept that its that not everyone gets good inlaws.. I can say this too.. not everyone get good daughter in law. See, my point is.. its ur life. u got to adjust to the family u are going to fit in.. they will to some extent can adjust for you.. but the major part is to be played by the daughter in law..

Ok!! Let me explain this with a real life example i have witnessed, not with something i have read. This story is that of my old neighbour who also happens to be my family friend. This girl got married at the age of 20 to her own athai's son. It was an arranged marriage. Her athai had one son and one daughter. The daughter got married already and living in a separate house. The athai is a widow. The girl who is a daughter-in-law of athai entered the house with high hopes that her athai will definitely love as she is known to her from childhood days. She was naturally intending to show her affection to her. This daughter-in-law was studying in college. She had to do all the household chores(her MIL never even offered to help her) and then go to college. She accepted it without complaining. Her MIL started showing her true colour soon. She stopped all the servants and the girl had to do everything apart from her college studies. She did not complain about this also. She only tried to win her MIL's affection. So she used to do all the chores happily. She was doing her Master's degree when she conceived her first child. Even when she conceived she had to do all the work. She did that too without complaining. She secured a job in college when she was doing her PhD. She gave her whole salary to her MIL who gave her Rs.100/- a month for her bus charges. The remaining of the DIL's salary was put as a recurring deposit in her SIL's name by her MIL. How unfair this is? But she accepted this as her fate. Meanwhile her child who is a girl grew up and the DIL conceived again. The MIL has taught her granddaughter that she has to narrate whatever her mother talks to her own mother. How mean of the MIL to do this? The innocent child did as told. I forgot to tell u that MIL had refused to take care of the children and the DIL left her children in daycare. But the MIL takes care of her daughter's children everyday. Slowly the granddaughter became a puppet in grandmother's hands. The grandmother taught the grandaughter to speak against her own mother(DIL of the house). This was happening under the very eyes of DIL. This came as a big blow to the DIL. Her second child who is a son was also taught to do as his sister does. But this time the DIL outsmarted her MIL by putting her son in a school in some other place so that he also does not get spoilt. She was able to save her son but not her daughter. Now her daughter behaves almost like a psycho- if she sees her mother talking to her mother's mother, wherever she is she comes screaming hysterically that she has to tell everything to her grandmother(father's mother). The DIL has waited and still waiting for MIL's love for over 18 years now. The most important thing to note here is the husband does not interfere in anything that happens in the house. His job requires a lot of travel. So he travels, earns and gives all of his salary to his mother.

>>>>>>Now shy, I have a question for you. In this case, do u expect the DIL to still love her MIL and wait for her love? 18 years aa thirundhaadhavanga inimaela thirundha poraanga? sollunga?








1) Mother-in-law not treating her daughter-in-law properly.
2) Daughter-in-law not treating her mother-in-law properly.(Of course i have not talked about this here becoz it is irrelevant to the topic we have here)
3)A family with one and only child who is a daughter or a son living abroad unable to take their parents due to some practical difficulties like not getting visa etc.,

and such many reasons.........

First it is relevant.. I am suprised why u said its not relevant.. Second, A daughter in one family is daughter in law in other. As that person we have to analayse the person to judge tehe choices. :) As that daughter in law u had specified, her choice will obviously be parents family no doubt in that.

>>>>>>>>Ah!! I see your point. Agreed!!



Second in the colored one, my personal opinion... appadi orae son and daughter old age homes'la parents vitutu I dont think they need to earn money abroad.. thats the worst thing they can do for their parents in their last age. They should leave whatever they have and be with them back home. - Not related.. just thought of saying..

>>Well as far as the son is concerned it is the individual's choice. But for the daughter it is not the case. She can live with her husband only.




How do u say that i contradicted here? In-laws in the quoted case were angry that their son married the girl without their consent. But they were more reasonable(not bad) and cooled down. But not all of them are such. That is what i was trying to convey by saying that it is a rare situation. To get importance we can wait but how long? We cannot wait for ever. One of my close friends has got such in-laws. The closer she tries to get to them the farer they go. What can you do about it? On the other hand, another friend of mine has got very good in-laws who really care for her. Ultimately she too cares for them. What I am trying to convey is

"AFFECTION IS MUTUAL AND CANNOT BE ONE-SIDED"

25 years valratha oru son leaving them for a girl who he had meet lets say 5 years.. entha parentsum cant digest. Yes it will not be reasonale.. but thats not wrong. They have every right to be like that. Plus u have to remember that they are not our generation and will have lots to accept. IT may take one years or years.. but u got to wait. that what u show them as respect. I am not telling this as dialogues. One of my friend's sister.. she waited for 10 years for their acceptance. Each year every occasion, birthday..anniversary, fastival.. she will keep on doing something etc.. she made them understand ... she was a good DIl for them and not shes no more DIL, but daughter for them.. so as that generation people u got to give them some time to accept. Its not rare situation, its one rice in the pot.. there might be such MIl in this world.. thats what I meant.

>> Maybe in some cases it works out!! But there are people who don't accept at all whatever the time it takes.


Affection should be one-sided if u want to win ur MIl's heart , after all shes in pain because her son married against her wish right

Example. When with ur husband.. if he doesnt do something, meaning liek not getting u a bouquet for ur anniversay or any gift somethign liek that.. epapdi upset aagureenga.. imean u start to think he forgot .. hes not in love with me anymore etc... the example is not exact.. but what I am trying to convey is u will feel u are let down.. ungalukae appadi iruntha.. 25 years valartha amma.. when the guy is doign something against her.. not even caring...how will she feel??? so she has the right to be outraged and point all the anger toward DIL..but in her part she can just pour her affection towards her and make her understand her son has made the right choice. and hes very happy with u.. thats whats a mom wants...

Shy

>>>>OK!! In an unaccepted love marriage, the MIL has every right to be angry but for how long. Some carry it to the grave. Affection has to be one-sided at first but in due course it has to become mutual. Otherwise anything done by DIL will be done out of duty and not out of Affection.


To summarise my view:

Women become more affectionate towards their in-laws family only when she is recognised and loved. The love from in-laws can come after many years but atleast it should come.

Shy
01-26-2004, 04:09 PM
OK!! Now i understand what u meant by saying what she can do!! And ofcourse Priority is her husband's family-but whether is out of duty or affection is the question in hand. Will explain this in more detail below.

Exactly.. but my point is when everyone tries to incline towards affection and also show ur love towards them, then it will be more as affection than its duty. If we see from outside, each is a seperate individual and none are perfect. So its upto to that individual to handle MIL, SIL whoever knowing their flow of mind/heart


Ok!! Let me explain this with a real life example i have witnessed, not with something i have read. This story is that of my old neighbour who also happens to be my family friend. This girl got married at the age of 20 to her own athai's son. It was an arranged marriage. Her athai had one son and one daughter. The daughter got married already and living in a separate house. The athai is a widow. The girl who is a daughter-in-law of athai entered the house with high hopes that her athai will definitely love as she is known to her from childhood days. She was naturally intending to show her affection to her. This daughter-in-law was studying in college. She had to do all the household chores(her MIL never even offered to help her) and then go to college. She accepted it without complaining. Her MIL started showing her true colour soon. She stopped all the servants and the girl had to do everything apart from her college studies. She did not complain about this also. She only tried to win her MIL's affection. So she used to do all the chores happily. She was doing her Master's degree when she conceived her first child. Even when she conceived she had to do all the work. She did that too without complaining. She secured a job in college when she was doing her PhD. She gave her whole salary to her MIL who gave her Rs.100/- a month for her bus charges. The remaining of the DIL's salary was put as a recurring deposit in her SIL's name by her MIL. How unfair this is? But she accepted this as her fate. Meanwhile her child who is a girl grew up and the DIL conceived again. The MIL has taught her granddaughter that she has to narrate whatever her mother talks to her own mother. How mean of the MIL to do this? The innocent child did as told. I forgot to tell u that MIL had refused to take care of the children and the DIL left her children in daycare. But the MIL takes care of her daughter's children everyday. Slowly the granddaughter became a puppet in grandmother's hands. The grandmother taught the grandaughter to speak against her own mother(DIL of the house). This was happening under the very eyes of DIL. This came as a big blow to the DIL. Her second child who is a son was also taught to do as his sister does. But this time the DIL outsmarted her MIL by putting her son in a school in some other place so that he also does not get spoilt. She was able to save her son but not her daughter. Now her daughter behaves almost like a psycho- if she sees her mother talking to her mother's mother, wherever she is she comes screaming hysterically that she has to tell everything to her grandmother(father's mother). The DIL has waited and still waiting for MIL's love for over 18 years now. The most important thing to note here is the husband does not interfere in anything that happens in the house. His job requires a lot of travel. So he travels, earns and gives all of his salary to his mother.

Very sad to hear abt that woman. Obviously its bad to judge her thoughts when she had gone throu a lot of hell in that place.. but only a few points to remember.

Kanmoodi thana irukarthunu solvaanga theriyuma.. Thats this. Yaen appadi solraen kaelunga.

(1) First, yes she did a good thinking when she first entered her husbands family. Ok, first step when in college, she was burdened with all the household stuff and she accepted it to win the heart of her MIL. This went till her Masters. But it worked out the other way, her MIL was more worse and she stopped servants.

At this point, the girl should have done few things. It depends on how her relationship is with her husband. 18 years oruthaar travel pannitae irunthaalum, kashta padra wife'ooda feelings theriyaamala irupaar?

(a) Talked to her husband about cant handle both the work and as well as all the household work. She would have asked her husband in the positive way to make soem arrangements to make her burden lessen.

(b) After the birth of the girl, when its growing up, oviously chinna vasayil, i am telling u abt 2-4 years varaikkum child will not remember anything, elalrkuudaiyum jollya irukkum if it feels comfortable. When the girl started to see that MIL hasnt changed a bit and now when the baby girl is growing is trying to poison her, should have either left her Masters and started to be there for her child. Ellaina should have taken steps to make the girl understand that mom cared for her more than anyone.

For me it feels, colelge, MAsters, PHD eppadi evanga padippu padippu'nu thaan irunthu irukaanga.. She wasnt there for her baby girl. Obviosuly when a kid is left alone when she needs her parents most, she can be easily spoiled. Why teen pregnancy, drugs are more in States sollunga. Because parents arent there for their kids when needed.

Think of the situation. Mom thaan oru childkku first'la irunthae theriyura orae jeevan. When shes not around anymore and a person whose taking care of that baby girl is against the MOM, delicate'a irukara childkita poision pannina ovisouly it will starta cting against its mom. Because it will feel paatti is there for me and takign care for me, but mom isnt around anymore.. unda ellaiyaa??


Oru motherkku first husband, children, family, appuram thaan outside whatever.. wheather its a job, studies etc... when she doesnt balance it properly, this will be the situation she will be in

After got hit first time with the first baby, she realised a bit and started placing the second kis in daycare. But how long do u think it will take for the second kid to realise that it was left alone to a stranger and its mom is not there for it????

I agree that MIL was very worse in the character.. but to make the ends meet shouldnt the girl let go her studies and been with the family and tried to repair it??? Dont u think 18 years she has wasted by takign care her wish alone. Oru side solli irukeenga, dont u think, may be the MIL might be mad that her MIL is not taking care of the family, but running to her studies.. which most odl fashioned MILs wont like???

Second of all, 18 years eppadi waste panrathukku.. studies'a few years thalli pootutu children'na nalla valarthu, school pooga vachu,a ppuram she would have started right????

I will not accept that MIL is everything to blame here!!!! Husband kita entha poonu solalai..sollama irunthu.. husband yaen eppadi careae ellaima sutheetu irukaar tehriyalai.. when teh girl is not obeying her mom, should as a father he should have done something from the start????

There are many faults here sowmya... I guess the girl really messed it up and if I am right.. shes still messing it...

Shy

r_sowmya_r
01-27-2004, 05:31 PM
Exactly.. but my point is when everyone tries to incline towards affection and also show ur love towards them, then it will be more as affection than its duty. If we see from outside, each is a seperate individual and none are perfect. So its upto to that individual to handle MIL, SIL whoever knowing their flow of mind/heart

In some cases, what u say will work out. In some cases it does not. There are some mothers who are so possessive about their sons that they think that their DIL is trying to spoil the relationship with her son. So if the son argues against his mother on some issue(which does not involve DIL in any way), she is inclined to think that the DIL has taught her son to act like this eventhough in reality the DIL is innocent. The DIL may try to explain things to her MIL but it will be in vain in most cases becoz the MIL feels that the DIL has stolen her son from her. She forgets that her son would have argued on this issue even before marriage.




Very sad to hear abt that woman. Obviously its bad to judge her thoughts when she had gone throu a lot of hell in that place.. but only a few points to remember.

Kanmoodi thana irukarthunu solvaanga theriyuma.. Thats this. Yaen appadi solraen kaelunga.

(1) First, yes she did a good thinking when she first entered her husbands family. Ok, first step when in college, she was burdened with all the household stuff and she accepted it to win the heart of her MIL. This went till her Masters. But it worked out the other way, her MIL was more worse and she stopped servants.

At this point, the girl should have done few things. It depends on how her relationship is with her husband. 18 years oruthaar travel pannitae irunthaalum, kashta padra wife'ooda feelings theriyaamala irupaar?

(a) Talked to her husband about cant handle both the work and as well as all the household work. She would have asked her husband in the positive way to make soem arrangements to make her burden lessen.

Yes this surprised me too. She talked to her husband about it. Do you know what reply she got from him? The reply is this: "Look!! I already have too many things(regarding his job) to worry about. Don't trouble me with all this nonsense. Sort it out with my mother. Don't ever come to me for these things."

She in turn said "But I have already asked her about this and she says that it is waste of money. And she says that i should have exercise. But i feel that i am already having enough exercise"

He replied, "Whatever my mom says will always be correct. Just listen to her and don't come to me again for these things"





(b) After the birth of the girl, when its growing up, oviously chinna vasayil, i am telling u abt 2-4 years varaikkum child will not remember anything, elalrkuudaiyum jollya irukkum if it feels comfortable. When the girl started to see that MIL hasnt changed a bit and now when the baby girl is growing is trying to poison her, should have either left her Masters and started to be there for her child. Ellaina should have taken steps to make the girl understand that mom cared for her more than anyone.

Her baby girl was not at all taken care by her MIL. She was left in daycare and picked up by her mom(DIL of the house). She could not be there with the child for the same amount of time as her MIL becoz of her household chores. She ofcourse did try to make the child understand but in vain. Afterall it is a child. I will explain this with a simple incident. Once the DIL was washing the clothes. The child came to her mom and asked for milk. The DIL left her washing midway, asked the child to sit in the living room and was entering the kitchen. The MIL who was already in the kitchen offered to boil milk and give it to the child. And she did it too. But while the MIL gave milk to the child, she told that her mother feels that her work is more important than the child herself and that is why she did not boil the milk and give her. Naturally the child will start feeling that her mother does not care for her. The DIL did not know about this until the child came and asked her mother whether she hates her. The DIL was on the verge of tears trying to explain to her child but the child refused to believe her.





For me it feels, colelge, MAsters, PHD eppadi evanga padippu padippu'nu thaan irunthu irukaanga.. She wasnt there for her baby girl. Obviosuly when a kid is left alone when she needs her parents most, she can be easily spoiled. Why teen pregnancy, drugs are more in States sollunga. Because parents arent there for their kids when needed.

Think of the situation. Mom thaan oru childkku first'la irunthae theriyura orae jeevan. When shes not around anymore and a person whose taking care of that baby girl is against the MOM, delicate'a irukara childkita poision pannina ovisouly it will starta cting against its mom. Because it will feel paatti is there for me and takign care for me, but mom isnt around anymore.. unda ellaiyaa??

Paatti did not take care of the child at all. The DIL wanted to leave her job and be at home with her children. But she could not becoz her MIL and her husband wanted her to work. She had a row with her husband regarding this and he had clearly said that if she is not working, she can get out of the house. If she leaves her job and asked to get of the house where will she go? Of course her parents are willing to support her but they themselves are dependant on their son and they do not want to burden him.






Oru motherkku first husband, children, family, appuram thaan outside whatever.. wheather its a job, studies etc... when she doesnt balance it properly, this will be the situation she will be in

After got hit first time with the first baby, she realised a bit and started placing the second kis in daycare. But how long do u think it will take for the second kid to realise that it was left alone to a stranger and its mom is not there for it????

I have answered this above.





I agree that MIL was very worse in the character.. but to make the ends meet shouldnt the girl let go her studies and been with the family and tried to repair it??? Dont u think 18 years she has wasted by takign care her wish alone. Oru side solli irukeenga, dont u think, may be the MIL might be mad that her MIL is not taking care of the family, but running to her studies.. which most odl fashioned MILs wont like???

This also is answered, I suppose!!





Second of all, 18 years eppadi waste panrathukku.. studies'a few years thalli pootutu children'na nalla valarthu, school pooga vachu,a ppuram she would have started right????

I will not accept that MIL is everything to blame here!!!! Husband kita entha poonu solalai..sollama irunthu.. husband yaen eppadi careae ellaima sutheetu irukaar tehriyalai.. when teh girl is not obeying her mom, should as a father he should have done something from the start????

There are many faults here sowmya... I guess the girl really messed it up and if I am right.. shes still messing it...

Shy

The father surprisingly was worried about his job alone!! He assumed that his own mother was always right!! I really doubt whether he loves his wife!!!

Well!! I think i have filled up all the loopholes, haven't i?

And I can't say MIL is the only one to be blamed. 75% of the blame is on the husband who should have been sensible enough to put everything in place.

In this case my opinion is this: It is really hopeless and she should come out of the house with her children and start a new life with her children.

Shy
01-28-2004, 10:04 PM
In some cases, what u say will work out. In some cases it does not. There are some mothers who are so possessive about their sons that they think that their DIL is trying to spoil the relationship with her son. So if the son argues against his mother on some issue(which does not involve DIL in any way), she is inclined to think that the DIL has taught her son to act like this eventhough in reality the DIL is innocent. The DIL may try to explain things to her MIL but it will be in vain in most cases becoz the MIL feels that the DIL has stolen her son from her. She forgets that her son would have argued on this issue even before marriage.

See neengalae soli irukeenga.. "some mothers".... Its all character more than the relationship sowmya.. avnag DIL life'a miserable aakanumnu mudivu pannita then like ur friend u pointed out..18 years enna lifetime it will be like that...

Same goes with DIL, if she decided to own her husband and make her MIL life miserable.. then athai onnum pana mudiyaathu if the guy is on knees to his husband..

It all comes to balance and the way everyone acts.. In most situations, I believe even though the MIL agrees to the marriage or nt, i mean arranged or love.. she feels some part fo her being taken away and the DIL shud understand that and act accordingly.. thats where the relationship trick lies..


Yes this surprised me too. She talked to her husband about it. Do you know what reply she got from him? The reply is this: "Look!! I already have too many things(regarding his job) to worry about. Don't trouble me with all this nonsense. Sort it out with my mother. Don't ever come to me for these things."

She in turn said "But I have already asked her about this and she says that it is waste of money. And she says that i should have exercise. But i feel that i am already having enough exercise"

He replied, "Whatever my mom says will always be correct. Just listen to her and don't come to me again for these things"

I guess daughter and mom arent going well and life is hell'nu therinchum a guy doesnt want to interfer in that.. I dont knwo what type of relationship the husband and wife had. I think they ad a long gap as years went by.. Not only she handles her MIl properly but also her husband.. appad thaan solanum.. oru husband.. thanooda pondaati problems.. paathum.. daughter wife'a yaethrithu paesuranu therinchum.. what my Mom does is correctnu sonaarna.. imagine how hes with his wife???


Her baby girl was not at all taken care by her MIL. She was left in daycare and picked up by her mom(DIL of the house). She could not be there with the child for the same amount of time as her MIL becoz of her household chores. She ofcourse did try to make the child understand but in vain. Afterall it is a child. I will explain this with a simple incident. Once the DIL was washing the clothes. The child came to her mom and asked for milk. The DIL left her washing midway, asked the child to sit in the living room and was entering the kitchen. The MIL who was already in the kitchen offered to boil milk and give it to the child. And she did it too. But while the MIL gave milk to the child, she told that her mother feels that her work is more important than the child herself and that is why she did not boil the milk and give her. Naturally the child will start feeling that her mother does not care for her. The DIL did not know about this until the child came and asked her mother whether she hates her. The DIL was on the verge of tears trying to explain to her child but the child refused to believe her.

My point exactly.. a child is someopne who can be easily brainwashed.. Entha baby girl concieve aarathukku maanamae she knows abt her MIl thats she hates her etc right.. and what she sould have done.. even if shes half bathing.. to keep up good relaionship with her daughter shoudl make her priority and not let them at any cost feel left aloof.. the woman thougth.. let her sit in the livign room, 5 minsla will go her and get her milk.. but those 5 mins... is like for the daughter.. ok appo for my mom work thaan important than me... she doesnt care for me.. yes the daughter doesnt think properly.. but MIl uses that oppurtunity to thoondify the girl against her mother. So eppo sollunga,, therinchu work worknu irunthaa.. this is what she will get right???


Paatti did not take care of the child at all. The DIL wanted to leave her job and be at home with her children. But she could not becoz her MIL and her husband wanted her to work. She had a row with her husband regarding this and he had clearly said that if she is not working, she can get out of the house. If she leaves her job and asked to get of the house where will she go? Of course her parents are willing to support her but they themselves are dependant on their son and they do not want to burden him.

So for a work.. she had to finish her college, Masters and PHD.. enanga.. epponga work pooga aarmchaanga.. college poitu 9-5 work poi irukalaamae.. athukku masters, PHD ellam padichu appuram nalla hands full money thara job paathu irukaanga.. but no once she thought and fought for herself and her children.. but went along the flow... If even before frirst child she had known this why in the first place she got pregnant. Ok even if she got pregnant.. cant she after birth.. be with her child and explain to it.. when as a mom she would be with it a lot than MIL or husband... Evalavu working women irukaanga.. did thery mess up like her???? I accept her life is a hell,..but I say she had the ways.. but didint use it. Also earlier u had said.. since she made a mistake wit the first one.. placed the second one in day care.. eppo rendum day carenu solreenga... any how... she did not think abt her life properly... thats all we can say.


And I can't say MIL is the only one to be blamed. 75% of the blame is on the husband who should have been sensible enough to put everything in place.

In this case my opinion is this: It is really hopeless and she should come out of the house with her children and start a new life with her children.

I differ here... I think her fault is mostly.. her life she lived shabbly.. and made it happen.. s0 60% her fault... appuram reamininga MIL and husband...

18 yearskku appuram eppo walking out of the realtionship is the worst decision.. she should have done this long ago :)

Shy

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01-28-2004, 10:07 PM
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r_sowmya_r
01-29-2004, 03:50 PM
Yes this surprised me too. She talked to her husband about it. Do you know what reply she got from him? The reply is this: "Look!! I already have too many things(regarding his job) to worry about. Don't trouble me with all this nonsense. Sort it out with my mother. Don't ever come to me for these things."

She in turn said "But I have already asked her about this and she says that it is waste of money. And she says that i should have exercise. But i feel that i am already having enough exercise"

He replied, "Whatever my mom says will always be correct. Just listen to her and don't come to me again for these things"

I guess daughter and mom arent going well and life is hell'nu therinchum a guy doesnt want to interfer in that.. I dont knwo what type of relationship the husband and wife had. I think they ad a long gap as years went by.. Not only she handles her MIl properly but also her husband.. appad thaan solanum.. oru husband.. thanooda pondaati problems.. paathum.. daughter wife'a yaethrithu paesuranu therinchum.. what my Mom does is correctnu sonaarna.. imagine how hes with his wife???

>>>>That is what i am trying to convey. In a situation where she is not supported by her husband also, she is inclined to start doing everything as a duty rather than out of affection. Not that she has not handled them properly. She is really helpless in this kind of a situation



My point exactly.. a child is someopne who can be easily brainwashed.. Entha baby girl concieve aarathukku maanamae she knows abt her MIl thats she hates her etc right.. and what she sould have done.. even if shes half bathing.. to keep up good relaionship with her daughter shoudl make her priority and not let them at any cost feel left aloof.. the woman thougth.. let her sit in the livign room, 5 minsla will go her and get her milk.. but those 5 mins... is like for the daughter.. ok appo for my mom work thaan important than me... she doesnt care for me.. yes the daughter doesnt think properly.. but MIl uses that oppurtunity to thoondify the girl against her mother. So eppo sollunga,, therinchu work worknu irunthaa.. this is what she will get right???

Before the DIL conceived she was confident about changing her MIL by pouring affection. This feeling was there even after her child was born. But she started losing hopes only when the MIL tried to turn the child against her own mother. And about this milk incident, the DIL was too inexperienced at the time to suspect her MIL of using the opportunity. She had not thought that her MIL will say something like this at that time. She became cautious only a bit later when she started realising her MIL's ways but by then she was too late for her daughter but not late for her son.





Paatti did not take care of the child at all. The DIL wanted to leave her job and be at home with her children. But she could not becoz her MIL and her husband wanted her to work. She had a row with her husband regarding this and he had clearly said that if she is not working, she can get out of the house. If she leaves her job and asked to get of the house where will she go? Of course her parents are willing to support her but they themselves are dependant on their son and they do not want to burden him.

So for a work.. she had to finish her college, Masters and PHD.. enanga.. epponga work pooga aarmchaanga.. college poitu 9-5 work poi irukalaamae.. athukku masters, PHD ellam padichu appuram nalla hands full money thara job paathu irukaanga.. but no once she thought and fought for herself and her children.. but went along the flow... If even before frirst child she had known this why in the first place she got pregnant. Ok even if she got pregnant.. cant she after birth.. be with her child and explain to it.. when as a mom she would be with it a lot than MIL or husband... Evalavu working women irukaanga.. did thery mess up like her???? I accept her life is a hell,..but I say she had the ways.. but didint use it.


As I have clearly written before, she lost hopes of changing her MIL only when she started misguiding her child. And she conceived only when she was in Masters(She was doing her Masters in regular college). And PhD pannradhukku thaniyaa college poga vendiya avasiyam illai. She could not be with her child for more time to make it understand becoz as u see her MIL saw to that by making her do all the household chores. Evvalavo working women irukkanga dhaan-avangalum messup pannala dhaan. AAna avangalukku ippadi oru challenging situation irukkala. Adha mudhalla purinchukkanga. Oru orutharukkum oru oru maadhiri problems irukkum. Intensity of the problem poruthu dhaan life smooth aa pogudhaa illa messup aagudhaannu irukku.She did not have any choice at that time.




Also earlier u had said.. since she made a mistake wit the first one.. placed the second one in day care.. eppo rendum day carenu solreenga... any how... she did not think abt her life properly... thats all we can say.

Please read the situation carefully . I am quoting the whole story again here for your reference.




Ok!! Let me explain this with a real life example i have witnessed, not with something i have read. This story is that of my old neighbour who also happens to be my family friend. This girl got married at the age of 20 to her own athai's son. It was an arranged marriage. Her athai had one son and one daughter. The daughter got married already and living in a separate house. The athai is a widow. The girl who is a daughter-in-law of athai entered the house with high hopes that her athai will definitely love as she is known to her from childhood days. She was naturally intending to show her affection to her. This daughter-in-law was studying in college. She had to do all the household chores(her MIL never even offered to help her) and then go to college. She accepted it without complaining. Her MIL started showing her true colour soon. She stopped all the servants and the girl had to do everything apart from her college studies. She did not complain about this also. She only tried to win her MIL's affection. So she used to do all the chores happily. She was doing her Master's degree when she conceived her first child. Even when she conceived she had to do all the work. She did that too without complaining. She secured a job in college when she was doing her PhD. She gave her whole salary to her MIL who gave her Rs.100/- a month for her bus charges. The remaining of the DIL's salary was put as a recurring deposit in her SIL's name by her MIL. How unfair this is? But she accepted this as her fate. Meanwhile her child who is a girl grew up and the DIL conceived again. The MIL has taught her granddaughter that she has to narrate whatever her mother talks to her own mother. How mean of the MIL to do this? The innocent child did as told. I forgot to tell u that MIL had refused to take care of the children and the DIL left her children in daycare. But the MIL takes care of her daughter's children everyday. Slowly the granddaughter became a puppet in grandmother's hands. The grandmother taught the grandaughter to speak against her own mother(DIL of the house). This was happening under the very eyes of DIL. This came as a big blow to the DIL. Her second child who is a son was also taught to do as his sister does. But this time the DIL outsmarted her MIL by putting her son in a school in some other place so that he also does not get spoilt. She was able to save her son but not her daughter. Now her daughter behaves almost like a psycho- if she sees her mother talking to her mother's mother, wherever she is she comes screaming hysterically that she has to tell everything to her grandmother(father's mother). The DIL has waited and still waiting for MIL's love for over 18 years now. The most important thing to note here is the husband does not interfere in anything that happens in the house. His job requires a lot of travel. So he travels, earns and gives all of his salary to his mother.




I have quoted very clearly that MIL refused to take care of her DIL's children(both son and daughter) and took care of her daughter's children only. After the son grew up, when he also was becoming the target of MIL, DIL put him in a diff. school in different place. Different place means some other city, not the same city. He is away from home. It is better to be away from home than to get spoilt like his sister though this is also not right. But there was no choice-that is what she thought.






And I can't say MIL is the only one to be blamed. 75% of the blame is on the husband who should have been sensible enough to put everything in place.

In this case my opinion is this: It is really hopeless and she should come out of the house with her children and start a new life with her children.

I differ here... I think her fault is mostly.. her life she lived shabbly.. and made it happen.. s0 60% her fault... appuram reamininga MIL and husband...


I don't agree that 60% is her fault. She did not live shabbily. She was not a "Bharadhi padaitha pudumai penn" to question and oppose wherever wrong things happen. She was unsure whether she can live a life without her husband's support though she was earning. Most of the fault lies on the husband who should have loved his wife in the way he loved his mother. Atleast she should have been loved next to his mother. But his behaviour implies that he did not love his wife but married her becoz his mother wanted him to or some other reason.




18 yearskku appuram eppo walking out of the realtionship is the worst decision.. she should have done this long ago :)

Shy

"BETTER LATE THAN NEVER"

And the latest update i got yesterday is this. She searched and secured a job in some other city. And she is really walking out of the house with her children soon(though not legally). Naan vai vecha sagunamaa???? :think:

Sowms.

r_sowmya_r
01-29-2004, 03:55 PM
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Shy
01-29-2004, 04:42 PM
That is what i am trying to convey. In a situation where she is not supported by her husband also, she is inclined to start doing everything as a duty rather than out of affection. Not that she has not handled them properly. She is really helpless in this kind of a situation

My point sowmya was that avanga husband kita kuuda she didnt ahve anay affection and was living a life just to live.. So affection'ra concept.. she didnt have for any of them I guess...mm.. tamil'la enna soluvaanga.. vaalkai viruthu vaalrathu.. she lived like that. so avnga life'la kadamai/duty was the only thing.. there wasnt any affection running around..e xcept for her children.

Kanmoodi thanama thanooda children yaeppadi poonaalum parava illai... mother thaan muikyyam iruakra husband in this situation, right?? so he doesnt care for his children or for his wife.



Before the DIL conceived she was confident about changing her MIL by pouring affection. This feeling was there even after her child was born. But she started losing hopes only when the MIL tried to turn the child against her own mother. And about this milk incident, the DIL was too inexperienced at the time to suspect her MIL of using the opportunity. She had not thought that her MIL will say something like this at that time. She became cautious only a bit later when she started realising her MIL's ways but by then she was too late for her daughter but not late for her son.

DIL is being not inexperineced sowmya.. more likely she didnt understand the importance of her level in her daughters heart. MIL using the oppurtunity irukatum.. should she made clear to her immature daughter when she feels that her mom is not doing things first for her. Simple'a solraen.. enga irukara pediatrician.. physatrists one thing solluvaanga(my friends are..a thaan solraen).. when ur kid shows even in a single incident that its being left alone.. thats ur alarm.. u shud immediately respond.. elalin au will lose that kid... I think even before the Milk incident as a mother, she shoudl have seen that her daughter is depressed and being felt as left alone. So she shoudl have done something.. Ennaikkum amma thaanga first.. appuram thaan appa, patti ellam.. sure.. her daughter purinchu irupaa.. if she grabbed the signals and acted accordingly... poor woman.. what else solrathu.. enna thaan padichaalum, timely thinking vaenumnu solvaanga.. ithaan poola.


And she conceived only when she was in Masters(She was doing her Masters in regular college). And PhD pannradhukku thaniyaa college poga vendiya avasiyam illai. She could not be with her child for more time to make it understand becoz as u see her MIL saw to that by making her do all the household chores. Evvalavo working women irukkanga dhaan-avangalum messup pannala dhaan. AAna avangalukku ippadi oru challenging situation irukkala. Adha mudhalla purinchukkanga. Oru orutharukkum oru oru maadhiri problems irukkum. Intensity of the problem poruthu dhaan life smooth aa pogudhaa illa messup aagudhaannu irukku.She did not have any choice at that time.

My point is not that sowmya... When she was forvced to work, she shud have taken any job and not wasted her time in doing Masters, then PHD'nu solraen.. PHDkku college pooga vaendaam, i know that.. but thesis, viva.eppadi 1000 work irukku.. chumma phd yaeduthu yaarum kuduka maataanga right???? she had to spend a ton of time in research... thats the pit she fell into.. she would have atleast let go that.. but she didnt.. athai thaan solraen.. it seems she was running for her goal to achieve somethign,.,thus missing her daughter in the path...


U know.. she atleast working..sometime to be outside the hell shes in.. I say hes better off when compared to others.. there are many cases where 24/7 kuudavae MIL irupaanga... but appadiyum patient, they lead the life, hoping someday it will change..

The point is.. the more we think into it.. it more of realtionship handling than just DIL-MIL issues.... paarunga.. in ur friends situation.. as a wife, mom ellam problem..so first husband'a marry panninapoovae.. she should have strengthened the realtionship between her and her husband. 1-2 months ellam nalla irunthu irukkum, then as normal life comes.. still u shud have the love fire burning in you till u both die.. if someones is gone.. then thats it. I think she thougth wife, appuram enna..that was the problem....

So is she had strengthened that relatgionship.. atleast there would have beena shoulder to lean on. Obviously ammavaa vitukudaka maataanga,, but at the same time,,wife kashtapaduvum vida maatanga... antha feeling varanumna..that love irukanum...in this case there wasnt any.. and ur friend failed to see that and assumed wife'na ellam oknu

U got to understand something here...

Life'la mudiyaathunu onnumae ellai... nothing is impossible.. problems are nothing by test hurdles...thats how u shouls see that.. Everyone has problems.. not excatly like others.. but different.. oru problem intensified for one irukkum.. but other wont have that.. but they will have somethign else very bad.. but thats what life is.. And we shud be tatcful, smart and above all bold to handle that....


I don't agree that 60% is her fault. She did not live shabbily. She was not a "Bharadhi padaitha pudumai penn" to question and oppose wherever wrong things happen. She was unsure whether she can live a life without her husband's support though she was earning. Most of the fault lies on the husband who should have loved his wife in the way he loved his mother. Atleast she should have been loved next to his mother. But his behaviour implies that he did not love his wife but married her becoz his mother wanted him to or some other reason.

Thats wrong sowmya.. oruthavanga thannai love panala.. life ellainu therinchum. children life'a spoil panrathu thaan thappu.. she doesnt need to be bharathipenn.. she could have been a human with just feelings right.. when she wasnt accepted in that house.. whatever the causes are.. she should have long back gone.. but even though she was earning.. she still wanted to be with him just to have the status in society that shes not vaalavetti but a wife to someone. And had to suffer all these 18 years and the main thing lose her daughter too.

Husband pudikaama marriage pannita.. then its not his fault either... it can be that he was forced too. so seeing all this, she shud have escaped that situation right????


And the latest update i got yesterday is this. She searched and secured a job in some other city. And she is really walking out of the house with her children soon(though not legally). Naan vai vecha sagunamaa????

Thats good.. even though it be very hard on the children as they are big (i mean enough to understand whats going on)... hope she has a peaceful life from now on...

Shy

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01-29-2004, 04:45 PM
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romba sariyaa soneenga sowmya... we are there.. but neenga solra mathiri ungalaiyoo ennaiyoo paarthu thaan bayam poola irukku ;)

Shy

r_sowmya_r
02-03-2004, 10:33 AM
Sorry i couldn't reply immediately. had some pressing work suddenly.




That is what i am trying to convey. In a situation where she is not supported by her husband also, she is inclined to start doing everything as a duty rather than out of affection. Not that she has not handled them properly. She is really helpless in this kind of a situation

My point sowmya was that avanga husband kita kuuda she didnt ahve anay affection and was living a life just to live.. So affection'ra concept.. she didnt have for any of them I guess...mm.. tamil'la enna soluvaanga.. vaalkai viruthu vaalrathu.. she lived like that. so avnga life'la kadamai/duty was the only thing.. there wasnt any affection running around..e xcept for her children.

Kanmoodi thanama thanooda children yaeppadi poonaalum parava illai... mother thaan muikyyam iruakra husband in this situation, right?? so he doesnt care for his children or for his wife.

We can't say that she did not love her husband at all. Otherwise she would not have got married to him at all. The marriage took place with the full consent of both husband and wife. Probably as u said she lost her love for him but only later.




Before the DIL conceived she was confident about changing her MIL by pouring affection. This feeling was there even after her child was born. But she started losing hopes only when the MIL tried to turn the child against her own mother. And about this milk incident, the DIL was too inexperienced at the time to suspect her MIL of using the opportunity. She had not thought that her MIL will say something like this at that time. She became cautious only a bit later when she started realising her MIL's ways but by then she was too late for her daughter but not late for her son.

DIL is being not inexperineced sowmya.. more likely she didnt understand the importance of her level in her daughters heart. MIL using the oppurtunity irukatum.. should she made clear to her immature daughter when she feels that her mom is not doing things first for her. Simple'a solraen.. enga irukara pediatrician.. physatrists one thing solluvaanga(my friends are..a thaan solraen).. when ur kid shows even in a single incident that its being left alone.. thats ur alarm.. u shud immediately respond.. elalin au will lose that kid... I think even before the Milk incident as a mother, she shoudl have seen that her daughter is depressed and being felt as left alone. So she shoudl have done something.. Ennaikkum amma thaanga first.. appuram thaan appa, patti ellam.. sure.. her daughter purinchu irupaa.. if she grabbed the signals and acted accordingly... poor woman.. what else solrathu.. enna thaan padichaalum, timely thinking vaenumnu solvaanga.. ithaan poola.

I had already told previously that she tried to explain things to her daughter but in vain. The child did not understand. She shld have left her job then, but she was not bold enough at that time




And she conceived only when she was in Masters(She was doing her Masters in regular college). And PhD pannradhukku thaniyaa college poga vendiya avasiyam illai. She could not be with her child for more time to make it understand becoz as u see her MIL saw to that by making her do all the household chores. Evvalavo working women irukkanga dhaan-avangalum messup pannala dhaan. AAna avangalukku ippadi oru challenging situation irukkala. Adha mudhalla purinchukkanga. Oru orutharukkum oru oru maadhiri problems irukkum. Intensity of the problem poruthu dhaan life smooth aa pogudhaa illa messup aagudhaannu irukku.She did not have any choice at that time.

My point is not that sowmya... When she was forvced to work, she shud have taken any job and not wasted her time in doing Masters, then PHD'nu solraen.. PHDkku college pooga vaendaam, i know that.. but thesis, viva.eppadi 1000 work irukku.. chumma phd yaeduthu yaarum kuduka maataanga right???? she had to spend a ton of time in research... thats the pit she fell into.. she would have atleast let go that.. but she didnt.. athai thaan solraen.. it seems she was running for her goal to achieve somethign,.,thus missing her daughter in the path...


U know.. she atleast working..sometime to be outside the hell shes in.. I say hes better off when compared to others.. there are many cases where 24/7 kuudavae MIL irupaanga... but appadiyum patient, they lead the life, hoping someday it will change..

The point is.. the more we think into it.. it more of realtionship handling than just DIL-MIL issues.... paarunga.. in ur friends situation.. as a wife, mom ellam problem..so first husband'a marry panninapoovae.. she should have strengthened the realtionship between her and her husband. 1-2 months ellam nalla irunthu irukkum, then as normal life comes.. still u shud have the love fire burning in you till u both die.. if someones is gone.. then thats it. I think she thougth wife, appuram enna..that was the problem....

So is she had strengthened that relatgionship.. atleast there would have beena shoulder to lean on. Obviously ammavaa vitukudaka maataanga,, but at the same time,,wife kashtapaduvum vida maatanga... antha feeling varanumna..that love irukanum...in this case there wasnt any.. and ur friend failed to see that and assumed wife'na ellam oknu

U got to understand something here...

Life'la mudiyaathunu onnumae ellai... nothing is impossible.. problems are nothing by test hurdles...thats how u shouls see that.. Everyone has problems.. not excatly like others.. but different.. oru problem intensified for one irukkum.. but other wont have that.. but they will have somethign else very bad.. but thats what life is.. And we shud be tatcful, smart and above all bold to handle that....

appadi solla mudiyaadhu. She gave birth to her first baby only during her final year of masters. So before that she did have much problems except her MIL. Atleast she was releived of her pains(This is my opinion, i dunno what she thought).And again i would like to reinforce that the child was in the house for the same amount of time as her mother. and in the house, the DIL did not have enough time to spend for her research. She did all those things only in her free time in college. So thesis, viva ippaadi 1000 work irunthaalum, she did not carry it to her house.

Aen DIL aa mattum thappu sollreenga? Ava enna vanathula irundhu kudhicha angel aa??? Strengthening of relationship shld be from both sides(husband and wife) not from just the woman's side.

I agree that life la mudiyaadhadhunnu onnumae illa dhaan. adhukkaga ippa namma kuzhandhai namma kitta vandhu "Amma enakku nila va kayila kodu" na nammalaala mudiyumaa? Onnu kuzhandhaikku puriya vekklaam illa adhukku puriyala nna either u can divert the child or give water in his/her hand and show the reflection of the moon. And the child will believe it. Adhu maadhiri dhaan. Sila problems kku there are no solutions only alternatives which in this case is the decision she has taken now.




I don't agree that 60% is her fault. She did not live shabbily. She was not a "Bharadhi padaitha pudumai penn" to question and oppose wherever wrong things happen. She was unsure whether she can live a life without her husband's support though she was earning. Most of the fault lies on the husband who should have loved his wife in the way he loved his mother. Atleast she should have been loved next to his mother. But his behaviour implies that he did not love his wife but married her becoz his mother wanted him to or some other reason.

Thats wrong sowmya.. oruthavanga thannai love panala.. life ellainu therinchum. children life'a spoil panrathu thaan thappu.. she doesnt need to be bharathipenn.. she could have been a human with just feelings right.. when she wasnt accepted in that house.. whatever the causes are.. she should have long back gone.. but even though she was earning.. she still wanted to be with him just to have the status in society that shes not vaalavetti but a wife to someone. And had to suffer all these 18 years and the main thing lose her daughter too.

Husband pudikaama marriage pannita.. then its not his fault either... it can be that he was forced too. so seeing all this, she shud have escaped that situation right????

If she was afraid to become a valavetti, why shld she take the decision to leave the house now? I had already told that she was unsure at that time whether she can live a life without husband's support though she was earning. But now she has become confident.




hope she has a peaceful life from now on...

Shy

Yes!! Let us hope that she leads a peaceful life from now on.

Shy
02-04-2004, 03:47 PM
Sorry i couldn't reply immediately. had some pressing work suddenly.

Athu problemae ellai sowmya.. neenga again vareenga ellai athuvae poothum :)
Ok now back to the topic


We can't say that she did not love her husband at all. Otherwise she would not have got married to him at all. The marriage took place with the full consent of both husband and wife. Probably as u said she lost her love for him but only later.

Yes naan forced marriage solalai.. What I meant was there was no fire burning in them as years passed. Yaethoo kadamaiyae they were together.


I had already told previously that she tried to explain things to her daughter but in vain. The child did not understand. She shld have left her job then, but she was not bold enough at that time

Sowmya, What I beleive is a child first understands and is connected only to its mom and only then to the others.. that too only if left alone without its mom. So basically my point was the lady should have given more importance to her daughter even as she was groowing up.. i mean.. ava thaan enakku inemaelnu valarthu irukanum.. paarunga.. if only she had done that.. both her children amma thaan ellamnu irunthu irupaanga... She need not worry of loosing her kids. But right now.. we cant be assure of that. What iof the guy plans to legally try to get support and in doing so, if the daughter is old enough, then she will be put to stand to know if she wants to be with mom or dad. My guess is obviously since she has no bond with her mom, she will choose her dad. But hurt aarathu friend thaan because she even though did not show her love properly.. has tons of love in her heart.

So When her life was going no where. thanukkunu oru pudi yaerpadithu irukanumnu sola varaen..

appadi solla mudiyaadhu. She gave birth to her first baby only during her final year of masters. So before that she did have much problems except her MIL. Atleast she was releived of her pains(This is my opinion, i dunno what she thought).And again i would like to reinforce that the child was in the house for the same amount of time as her mother. and in the house, the DIL did not have enough time to spend for her research. She did all those things only in her free time in college. So thesis, viva ippaadi 1000 work irunthaalum, she did not carry it to her house.

simple calcualtion sowmya.. in a normal day 24 hrsla.. 8 hrs sleep, 8 hrs in college. remaining 8la.. appadi eppadi 4 hrs poiduthu.. other household work, cookingnu vachupoom.. so paatheenganu oru 4 hrs macximum 6 hrs thaan shes with her kid.

Oru normal mom.. 24 hrs, la more than 14 hrs will be with her kid. All I am saying is again... when she came to know her problems arent to be solved... she shud have started looking into her personal life more than her career. U know there are many friends of my own.. who are doing doctrates.. I know how stressful and demanding their life is.. Pls kothalai vachundu phd panrathu its really very stressful, unless we have someone to share our work. Athai thaan sola vanthaen. Since she had no one for her. atleast kidsaiyavathu nalla pathu irukalaam...


Aen DIL aa mattum thappu sollreenga? Ava enna vanathula irundhu kudhicha angel aa??? Strengthening of relationship shld be from both sides(husband and wife) not from just the woman's side.

:nono: :nono: DIL has handsful than anybody else in that family. That my point. Shes the one tryin to fit in the new environment and will be there for ever. Angel'la ellam iruka vaendaam, smarta irukanum. The key is husband will be bonding factor between her and his family. Then children and by this time, she will be part of the family. Yaarumae theriyaama.. ellai relatives in thsi case'a irunthaalum, husband shud bee the supporting shoulder for her.

In ur friends situation, appadi no bonding factor right.. Thats where the problem is. That girl should have been smart enough to think abt her life when none was there for her. Ennamoo poogatumnu irua kuudathu in life at any point. Because oru nimisham namaba vidarathu.. may be the root of a problem. Husbandkita paasam anbu ellai.. sari we have no one to support us.. namakkunu yaar iruka... entha kids thaan.. ennoda ella paasathaiyum shower panni valarkanum.. thats my goal.. no one to shud take them away from me. Appadi oru vairaakiyam ooda.. kidsa.. if she had grew up. ennaiku manasula entha kashtamamum irukaathu except that she didn get a good husband.

The point is... childrenu vanthuta.. oru 5000 rupees job iruntha kuuda poothum, they are first importantnu irukanum.. amma paarunga eppadi kashta pattu namabakaaga saira... we shud be there for hernu athungalukkum thoonum.. athai vitutu.. padikalam.. nalla padikalamm. appo ennum nalla money cushion varumnu namba practical'la think pannina.. athu antha kidskku puriyaathu..kobam thaan varum.. that what i meant :)


If she was afraid to become a valavetti, why shld she take the decision to leave the house now? I had already told that she was unsure at that time whether she can live a life without husband's support though she was earning. But now she has become confident.

18 yearskku munna is very different from the current age sowmya.. for example few years back lets assume she was 24-30.. entha timela she she was married and had kidnu vachupoom, she cant leave.. because

(1) Society romba paessum.. entha chinna vasayula epapdo aaiduthunu
(2) Age. The age is where it needs a guy in its life. Cant live alone
(3) Not matured enough to lead a single mom life

Eppo she must be 30-40 i guess... LAdies are very matured in thsi age. Also enemael.. guy vaenumnu avasiyam ella. Plus.. society romba paesaathu as we all knwo abt our society.. young girls alone thaan uruthum..

So she boldly took the decision now because both physically and mentally shes confident now.

Shy

r_sowmya_r
02-12-2004, 08:34 AM
Once again sorry for the late reply!! Really busy these days!!



Sowmya, What I beleive is a child first understands and is connected only to its mom and only then to the others.. that too only if left alone without its mom. So basically my point was the lady should have given more importance to her daughter even as she was groowing up.. i mean.. ava thaan enakku inemaelnu valarthu irukanum.. paarunga.. if only she had done that.. both her children amma thaan ellamnu irunthu irupaanga... She need not worry of loosing her kids. But right now.. we cant be assure of that. What iof the guy plans to legally try to get support and in doing so, if the daughter is old enough, then she will be put to stand to know if she wants to be with mom or dad. My guess is obviously since she has no bond with her mom, she will choose her dad. But hurt aarathu friend thaan because she even though did not show her love properly.. has tons of love in her heart.

So When her life was going no where. thanukkunu oru pudi yaerpadithu irukanumnu sola varaen..

Of course a child is connected one and only to its mom. But have a look at the DIL's situation. She was forced to work outside and also at home. She was not bold enough to act according to her wishes.As a result she has paid a heavy price of losing her daughter's love and confidence. If the divorce comes up for legal hearing, as u say the daughter may chose to live with Dad not becoz of her love for him but for the hatred created by her grandmother towards her mother. But I think before it comes up for legal hearing(as u know it always take a long time for any case to end in our country) if the DIL is smart enough, she can make her daughter understand as she will live alone with her children. Let GOD be with her in this mission.


simple calcualtion sowmya.. in a normal day 24 hrsla.. 8 hrs sleep, 8 hrs in college. remaining 8la.. appadi eppadi 4 hrs poiduthu.. other household work, cookingnu vachupoom.. so paatheenganu oru 4 hrs macximum 6 hrs thaan shes with her kid.

Oru normal mom.. 24 hrs, la more than 14 hrs will be with her kid. All I am saying is again... when she came to know her problems arent to be solved... she shud have started looking into her personal life more than her career. U know there are many friends of my own.. who are doing doctrates.. I know how stressful and demanding their life is.. Pls kothalai vachundu phd panrathu its really very stressful, unless we have someone to share our work. Athai thaan sola vanthaen. Since she had no one for her. atleast kidsaiyavathu nalla pathu irukalaam...

PhD pannradhu stressful dhaan, but she did not bring it to her house. Ippa college la work pannina, u don't have classes for all the 8 hours, right. She utilised the free hours for her PhD work-That's all. Again i would like to stress that she did not carry her PhD research to her house. So where does the question of this affecting children arise?


DIL has handsful than anybody else in that family. That my point. Shes the one tryin to fit in the new environment and will be there for ever. Angel'la ellam iruka vaendaam, smarta irukanum. The key is husband will be bonding factor between her and his family. Then children and by this time, she will be part of the family. Yaarumae theriyaama.. ellai relatives in thsi case'a irunthaalum, husband shud bee the supporting shoulder for her.

In ur friends situation, appadi no bonding factor right.. Thats where the problem is. That girl should have been smart enough to think abt her life when none was there for her. Ennamoo poogatumnu irua kuudathu in life at any point. Because oru nimisham namaba vidarathu.. may be the root of a problem. Husbandkita paasam anbu ellai.. sari we have no one to support us.. namakkunu yaar iruka... entha kids thaan.. ennoda ella paasathaiyum shower panni valarkanum.. thats my goal.. no one to shud take them away from me. Appadi oru vairaakiyam ooda.. kidsa.. if she had grew up. ennaiku manasula entha kashtamamum irukaathu except that she didn get a good husband.

The point is... childrenu vanthuta.. oru 5000 rupees job iruntha kuuda poothum, they are first importantnu irukanum.. amma paarunga eppadi kashta pattu namabakaaga saira... we shud be there for hernu athungalukkum thoonum.. athai vitutu.. padikalam.. nalla padikalamm. appo ennum nalla money cushion varumnu namba practical'la think pannina.. athu antha kidskku puriyaathu..kobam thaan varum.. that what i meant



Ofcourse DIL has a major part to play. But when the people around u are determined to make u'r life miserable, however hard u try and however smart u r, u cannot change anything. It will only worsen situations. Neenga sollradha dhaan naanum sollraen. Husband should have been a supporting shoulder for her. So a major fault lies in him. He is infact responsible for her misery. And as i have told u previously, she did not carry her PhD studies home. I would like to stress that she did not do her PhD just for the sake of earning money. Whenever she was at home, she had always tried to finish up her household chores and be with her children.But the MIL only burdened her with more work.


18 yearskku munna is very different from the current age sowmya.. for example few years back lets assume she was 24-30.. entha timela she she was married and had kidnu vachupoom, she cant leave..
Age does not matter. May be the magnitude of problems she may face will differ.


(1) Society romba paessum.. entha chinna vasayula epapdo aaiduthunu

Onnae onnu sollunga- Do we value a society more than our personal problems? We can care about our society only to an extent. When the problem gets to a worse stage, we cannot care about a society. Appadi society problem vandha she can go and live in a new place where she is not known to anybody.


Age. The age is where it needs a guy in its life. Cant live alone

Why can't she live alone? We see a lot of young women divorced or living alone due to some personal reasons. When the guy himself is not supportive, what is the necessity for her to have that unsupportive guy in her life. She was not confident enough of herself while young.


Not matured enough to lead a single mom life

Can't say that she was immature. As I have mentioned previously it is due to lack of confidence.


Eppo she must be 30-40 i guess... LAdies are very matured in thsi age. Also enemael.. guy vaenumnu avasiyam ella. Plus.. society romba paesaathu as we all knwo abt our society.. young girls alone thaan uruthum..

So she boldly took the decision now because both physically and mentally shes confident now.



I don't agree that u don't need a partner once u age. Why do we marry? We don't marry just for the sake of physical needs but for a companionship all throughout our life(Really sorry to be harsh but this is reality as u know). We need somebody to share our thoughts and feelings with somebody. And who said that society won't talk about women living alone in their middle age. Ofcourse society won't talk about women living alone in their old age but will talk about women living alone in their middle age. I have seen many women suffer. A woman goes to work and if she is known to live alone, she gets indecent proposals from guys who are thirsty for sex. I have seen this happening to many women when i was working in India. When u r not married it is a different issue. An unmarried woman does not get as much indecent proposals as a married woman living alone(By the word "Living alone" I don't mean literally living alone. I mean it as "Away from her husband") .

By the way, I am leaving for a long vacation. So will talk later if there are more issues!!
Bye for now!!

Sowmya.

r_sowmya_r
02-12-2004, 08:34 AM
Once again sorry for the late reply!! Really busy these days!!



Sowmya, What I beleive is a child first understands and is connected only to its mom and only then to the others.. that too only if left alone without its mom. So basically my point was the lady should have given more importance to her daughter even as she was groowing up.. i mean.. ava thaan enakku inemaelnu valarthu irukanum.. paarunga.. if only she had done that.. both her children amma thaan ellamnu irunthu irupaanga... She need not worry of loosing her kids. But right now.. we cant be assure of that. What iof the guy plans to legally try to get support and in doing so, if the daughter is old enough, then she will be put to stand to know if she wants to be with mom or dad. My guess is obviously since she has no bond with her mom, she will choose her dad. But hurt aarathu friend thaan because she even though did not show her love properly.. has tons of love in her heart.

So When her life was going no where. thanukkunu oru pudi yaerpadithu irukanumnu sola varaen..

Of course a child is connected one and only to its mom. But have a look at the DIL's situation. She was forced to work outside and also at home. She was not bold enough to act according to her wishes.As a result she has paid a heavy price of losing her daughter's love and confidence. If the divorce comes up for legal hearing, as u say the daughter may chose to live with Dad not becoz of her love for him but for the hatred created by her grandmother towards her mother. But I think before it comes up for legal hearing(as u know it always take a long time for any case to end in our country) if the DIL is smart enough, she can make her daughter understand as she will live alone with her children. Let GOD be with her in this mission.


simple calcualtion sowmya.. in a normal day 24 hrsla.. 8 hrs sleep, 8 hrs in college. remaining 8la.. appadi eppadi 4 hrs poiduthu.. other household work, cookingnu vachupoom.. so paatheenganu oru 4 hrs macximum 6 hrs thaan shes with her kid.

Oru normal mom.. 24 hrs, la more than 14 hrs will be with her kid. All I am saying is again... when she came to know her problems arent to be solved... she shud have started looking into her personal life more than her career. U know there are many friends of my own.. who are doing doctrates.. I know how stressful and demanding their life is.. Pls kothalai vachundu phd panrathu its really very stressful, unless we have someone to share our work. Athai thaan sola vanthaen. Since she had no one for her. atleast kidsaiyavathu nalla pathu irukalaam...

PhD pannradhu stressful dhaan, but she did not bring it to her house. Ippa college la work pannina, u don't have classes for all the 8 hours, right. She utilised the free hours for her PhD work-That's all. Again i would like to stress that she did not carry her PhD research to her house. So where does the question of this affecting children arise?


DIL has handsful than anybody else in that family. That my point. Shes the one tryin to fit in the new environment and will be there for ever. Angel'la ellam iruka vaendaam, smarta irukanum. The key is husband will be bonding factor between her and his family. Then children and by this time, she will be part of the family. Yaarumae theriyaama.. ellai relatives in thsi case'a irunthaalum, husband shud bee the supporting shoulder for her.

In ur friends situation, appadi no bonding factor right.. Thats where the problem is. That girl should have been smart enough to think abt her life when none was there for her. Ennamoo poogatumnu irua kuudathu in life at any point. Because oru nimisham namaba vidarathu.. may be the root of a problem. Husbandkita paasam anbu ellai.. sari we have no one to support us.. namakkunu yaar iruka... entha kids thaan.. ennoda ella paasathaiyum shower panni valarkanum.. thats my goal.. no one to shud take them away from me. Appadi oru vairaakiyam ooda.. kidsa.. if she had grew up. ennaiku manasula entha kashtamamum irukaathu except that she didn get a good husband.

The point is... childrenu vanthuta.. oru 5000 rupees job iruntha kuuda poothum, they are first importantnu irukanum.. amma paarunga eppadi kashta pattu namabakaaga saira... we shud be there for hernu athungalukkum thoonum.. athai vitutu.. padikalam.. nalla padikalamm. appo ennum nalla money cushion varumnu namba practical'la think pannina.. athu antha kidskku puriyaathu..kobam thaan varum.. that what i meant



Ofcourse DIL has a major part to play. But when the people around u are determined to make u'r life miserable, however hard u try and however smart u r, u cannot change anything. It will only worsen situations. Neenga sollradha dhaan naanum sollraen. Husband should have been a supporting shoulder for her. So a major fault lies in him. He is infact responsible for her misery. And as i have told u previously, she did not carry her PhD studies home. I would like to stress that she did not do her PhD just for the sake of earning money. Whenever she was at home, she had always tried to finish up her household chores and be with her children.But the MIL only burdened her with more work.


18 yearskku munna is very different from the current age sowmya.. for example few years back lets assume she was 24-30.. entha timela she she was married and had kidnu vachupoom, she cant leave..
Age does not matter. May be the magnitude of problems she may face will differ.


(1) Society romba paessum.. entha chinna vasayula epapdo aaiduthunu

Onnae onnu sollunga- Do we value a society more than our personal problems? We can care about our society only to an extent. When the problem gets to a worse stage, we cannot care about a society. Appadi society problem vandha she can go and live in a new place where she is not known to anybody.


Age. The age is where it needs a guy in its life. Cant live alone

Why can't she live alone? We see a lot of young women divorced or living alone due to some personal reasons. When the guy himself is not supportive, what is the necessity for her to have that unsupportive guy in her life. She was not confident enough of herself while young.


Not matured enough to lead a single mom life

Can't say that she was immature. As I have mentioned previously it is due to lack of confidence.


Eppo she must be 30-40 i guess... LAdies are very matured in thsi age. Also enemael.. guy vaenumnu avasiyam ella. Plus.. society romba paesaathu as we all knwo abt our society.. young girls alone thaan uruthum..

So she boldly took the decision now because both physically and mentally shes confident now.



I don't agree that u don't need a partner once u age. Why do we marry? We don't marry just for the sake of physical needs but for a companionship all throughout our life(Really sorry to be harsh but this is reality as u know). We need somebody to share our thoughts and feelings with somebody. And who said that society won't talk about women living alone in their middle age. Ofcourse society won't talk about women living alone in their old age but will talk about women living alone in their middle age. I have seen many women suffer. A woman goes to work and if she is known to live alone, she gets indecent proposals from guys who are thirsty for sex. I have seen this happening to many women when i was working in India. When u r not married it is a different issue. An unmarried woman does not get as much indecent proposals as a married woman living alone(By the word "Living alone" I don't mean literally living alone. I mean it as "Away from her husband") .

By the way, I am leaving for a long vacation. So will talk later if there are more issues!!
Bye for now!!

Sowmya.

unique
02-16-2004, 08:24 PM
Ennai poruthavaraikum it is more towards mothers family....Ennathaan u r mother-in-law is affectionate with u,amma pakkam ennaikume oru thani partiallity irukkum. No one can replace u r mom,well this is my thot,again it differs from person to person.

honey
02-18-2004, 07:12 AM
I dont think so shy,most of the women first preference goes to husband,kid then after that real affection and love goes to her parents only.Then only it moves to hubbys family.

suha
02-18-2004, 12:54 PM
seri naan kekurein............. orru kaelvi........... adhu ku badhil solungo.........orru ponnuku amma vei illana .............. appo mother-in-law veedu........ pidikuma pidikadha.. :think: :?:

gokulan42
02-19-2004, 03:19 PM
If a guy can give the opinion here, consider mine :)

Every person is more affectionate towards his/her immediate family (kids & spouse) and then between extended families its always their realtives by blood and then in-laws. I think its simple enough.

My mom's earliar advise to me (when I was confused): Love is like rain. It need not come uphill (direction).

r_sowmya_r
02-20-2004, 07:19 AM
seri naan kekurein............. orru kaelvi........... adhu ku badhil solungo.........orru ponnuku amma vei illana .............. appo mother-in-law veedu........ pidikuma pidikadha.. :think: :?:

acho kutti ponnu kelvi kekka vandhaachu!! naan unakku badhil sollraen!! amma, appa yaarumae illana MIL dhaan assuming that MIL is affectionate. This is my opinion from what i have witnessed and heard. But unga shy akka voda opinion differs. So over to shy!!

aana shy,

neenga edhu sonnalum counter-argue panna naan vara maattaen innum oru maasathukku. I am starting to India tomorrow. Naan vandha piragum indha topic HOT aa irundhal paesalaam

inga sri_gan sri_gan nnu oruthar irundhar!! avara kanomae nnu naanum shy um thedindu irukkom. naan oorula irundhu varathukulla konjam yaaravadhu kandu pidichu kondu vaanga inga!!

Ippa TATA to my Geetham Family!!!

sagi
02-20-2004, 08:12 AM
IF a girl had no love in porantha veedu and get love from puguntha veedu then she likes puguntha veedu. it works in the otther way as well. It also depends on the girl. Rombha porumai saali, vittukodukkira ponnunna...engayum santhosama iruppa...mathavangalaiyum santhosama vaichuppa....