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katteri
03-08-2004, 04:19 PM
Kannalam(Athan pa Kalyanum) Thevaiyaaa!!!!

san2003
03-08-2004, 05:02 PM
kannalam thevai illae :) ... i'm goin to sleep now.. will come back tomoro with my discussion points ok... katteri .. neenga enna sonninga? thevaiya illaiya?

p/s: athe enna s? and others?

katteri
03-08-2004, 05:29 PM
S na yes .

others .. Sila per irukannghaaaaa..vithandavatham pesa avanghallukku than others

gokulan42
03-08-2004, 05:35 PM
Katteri, I vote for others then ;)

venky1974
03-08-2004, 05:48 PM
Marriage is a very important phase in life and all should be blessed and should experience it.

Will add more points when the discussion begins.

Cheers,

sri_gan
03-08-2004, 06:35 PM
I would prefer to take the others, not necessarly vithandaa vaatham, but for a specific reason.

jina
03-08-2004, 06:48 PM
Marriage is the official reorganization of a union of two individual by the society, it has nothing to do with life itself. It’s a show, that’s all. Any couple can live together, have children and do the same things as a married couple. It’s the society that you live in determine the value of marriage, not marriage itself.

dharshi75
03-08-2004, 11:03 PM
i will vote for yes.
marrage is a intersting and happy experience.

piradeepa
03-08-2004, 11:06 PM
ofcourse marriage is very important in life. no doubt about it.

RaasuKutty
03-08-2004, 11:40 PM
naa yes potten... kalyanam garathu.. one of the greatest feelings in life...

katteri
03-08-2004, 11:58 PM
Marriage is a part of life .. marraige is not the life.....

With the present situation where people lack time, do u still think marriage is necessary


TBC

RaasuKutty
03-09-2004, 12:14 AM
Marriage is a part of life .. marraige is not the life.....
With the present situation where people lack time, do u still think marriage is necessary
TBC

Katteri,

education is a part of life.. education is not life..
family is a part of life... family is not life....

indha maari sollalaam... this doesn't solve any purpose...

but matter enna na.. life la pala phases undu... athula marriage is one... indha portion of life la... we think more than ourself.. we know we are responsible for one more soul in this world... and the comfort feeling that there is some one to always love u.. and the pair as such to lead a life in this world... its more of a feeling, responsibility and lot more...

sagi
03-09-2004, 12:42 AM
It's up to you...its not nec anymore :)

katteri
03-09-2004, 09:14 AM
If u r nt married u can take risks in life which might be adventorous, yield good results...

A married person lives in a small circle loosing the conception of the society.

tBC

sagi
03-09-2004, 09:39 AM
yes my maamz is correct. i agree......sinna or vattathukkule kati potuviduvaargal :yes:

katteri
03-09-2004, 10:24 AM
Marriage makes a strong bond betwwen u & ur family..
U loose the humanity side.

There is only one nation,
- the nation of humanity
There is only one religion,
- the religion of love
There is only one language,
- the language of the heart
There is only one God
And He is Omnipresent

We dont think globally we restrict ourselves to family,
My family, my son,my parents, my daughter, my wife......


Naan endru sonnal vuthdukaal thodathu naaam endru sonnal vuthdaukkul thodum

(said by kalaignar)

Translated to english it works

If i say i lips dont touch if i say we our lips touch...

sagi
03-09-2004, 10:31 AM
ohhhhhh ok

suha
03-09-2004, 01:02 PM
katteri anna wrote

If i say i lips dont touch if i say we our lips touch...

katteri anna..

naan......... sonna lips touch agalla.......naam sonna 2 lipsum touch agudhu....ok va :yes:

but in enghlish........ :think:

I sonna lips no touch.........we sonna...........verum orru lips thaan adhuvum teeth la touch agudhu......english la correct ta varalla........ningha venumna try panungha nijama thaan solrein :Ksp:
:think:

katteri
03-09-2004, 03:23 PM
Touch aagalainaa V nu soluu( touch aagi angey a enna ottiiukkumaaaa touch agittu pirinchidum)

suha
03-09-2004, 03:31 PM
katteri anna wrote:

Touch aagalainaa V nu soluu( touch aagi angey a enna ottiiukkumaaaa touch agittu pirinchidum)


acho......... :doh: ............naa yenna solreinaa...........tamil la naam onna 2ndu lipssum touch agudhu..........appo why we sonna adhu madiri yen agalla :think:

katteri
03-09-2004, 03:36 PM
vunakku kurmubh jasthi
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_117.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_123.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_5_135.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')

suha
03-09-2004, 03:39 PM
:00: :00: :00: katteri anna......why adikiringha........ :snooty:

naa yenna kettein sandegam kettien tappa yenna :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

katteri anna doo..... doo...... doo....... doo......... doo :snooty: :snooty: :snooty:

katteri
03-09-2004, 03:48 PM
Adikaama pinnaaa enna santhegham ithulaaaa thodutha illlaiya lips sollu...
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_20.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')

suha
03-09-2004, 03:52 PM
nooooooooooooo..........thodal la..... thodalla .. thodallaa... :snooty: :snooty: :snooty: :snooty:

GoodBoy
03-09-2004, 03:53 PM
enoda vote S ku than :D ...enapa marriage panitu epadi elam settle agalamnu kanavu kandutut iruken..neenga enana..marriage venuma :sm18: venamanu kekuringa. :( .marriage paninathampa :sm05: ..lifela oru thrill irukum. :wink: ..


NO ku vote potavanga elam marupariselanai seiyavum :think: ...nala yosichu decide panunga..

suha
03-09-2004, 03:53 PM
seri topics paathi pesungha..........yen marriage panrangha katteri anna :think:

katteri
03-09-2004, 04:05 PM
seri topics paathi pesungha..........yen marriage panrangha katteri anna :think:

Chinna pasangha ketkira kelvi ya ithu
En marriage panrangha theriyumaaa APpa ammavidamum , amma appaviadmum patta kasthai payanum padattum nu than marriage panranghaaahttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_112.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')

Love marriage panrathu avanthalai le manna vari pottu kitta eppadi http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_114.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_104.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_104.gif ('http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008')

Comenaughty
03-09-2004, 06:23 PM
hehehe...katteri....want a clarification....;)....is the context here a civil union of a man and a woman or is it a gay marriage? :ee:

sHaLiNi_m
03-09-2004, 07:06 PM
i think marriage is NOT necessary :b: ...but doesn't matter if you do or not...Cause you are damned if you do...and damned if you dont anyways :sm18:

katteri
03-09-2004, 07:11 PM
hehehe...katteri....want a clarification....;)....is the context here a civil union of a man and a woman or is it a gay marriage? :ee:

Thalaiva we r indians innum male +female marraige than nammal parambariyam...

US leya innum Gay marriage ku kedu pudi..
So the context applies only to Male+female marriage (love/arranged/ odipoi/ arranged love/ eppadi vendumannalum combinations)

sagi
03-10-2004, 12:51 AM
kadasiya enna thaan solringa ?

san2003
03-10-2004, 03:34 AM
marriage is not necessary.... why u may ask.. well.... first of all why ppl get married.. many have said its part of culture, part of life.. bla bla bla.... why have marriage been put as part of somethin... if someone wants to get married it shud be whole heartedly and mus be genuine about it... love marriages may tell that they r genuine and stuff but normally they get married becoz it might be for the society... im telling in the context of indian marriages and society (not western culture) :)
so basically... reason ppl get married has not been clarified...but in my views i think ppl get married for few reasons... one for sexual relationship(hope i din say it in a wrong way) ...secondly, to have a life partner that will share ur happiness and sorrow together till death do them apart...thirdly, ur partner is meant for filling up the gaps in ur life in any way so that both can be perfect.. or watever.... and many other reasons... :)
why do i say marriage is not necessary is becoz... why do u need a second person to actually share ur happiness and sorrow with... and also why should someone else fill up the sadness or missing pieces in u to make life better... why can't i myself as a person be filled with happiness and joy and full of love and be complete and perfect and shower love and peace to the whole world without jealousy and hatred and not only concentrating on one person? this r my views :) will come up with more ... haf fun till then :)

sagi
03-10-2004, 09:39 AM
San :clap:

ragi_kutty
03-10-2004, 02:46 PM
marriage na yarukku necessary ooo avaikalukku thaan necessary........
but wait pannuravaigal wait pannattum........
:)
hehe

katteri
03-10-2004, 10:51 PM
San correct a sonnenghaaa..
Melum marrriage nu solli oruthar ra ourthar emmathi kittu enn a life ..

butterfly
03-10-2004, 11:05 PM
How come shidinesh missing here??...waiting to see wat he has to say before I post anything ;)
san,
very good points...But :)...there needs to be some clarification of Y marriage is not necessary...will surely post about it after shidinesh :)

katteri
03-10-2004, 11:32 PM
en bfly neengha dhinesh supporter a vungha view a post pannunghalen......

butterfly
03-10-2004, 11:37 PM
en bfly neengha dhinesh supporter a vungha view a post pannunghalen......


appadi ellam illai katteri...he always is against marriage too...so wanted to know his reasons too before I post my opinion :)

sagi
03-10-2004, 11:45 PM
i am in dinesh's side :) no needdddddddddddddddddd

katteri
03-11-2004, 01:35 PM
en bfly neengha dhinesh supporter a vungha view a post pannunghalen......


appadi ellam illai katteri...he always is against marriage too...so wanted to know his reasons too before I post my opinion :)
O ippadi onnu irukko...

Sagi mom ....enna side vangureenghaaaaaaaa

ragi_kutty
03-12-2004, 01:47 PM
naan entha side ku poga?.............. :(

priyaluv
03-14-2004, 07:28 AM
Good points San... especially these lines
"why do u need a second person to actually share ur happiness and sorrow with... and also why should someone else fill up the sadness or missing pieces in u to make life better... why can't i myself as a person be filled with happiness and joy and full of love and be complete and perfect and shower love and peace to the whole world without jealousy and hatred and not only concentrating on one person

But my point of view is not altruistic but egotistic......

Even I feel there is no need for a marriage. There is no necessity for a marriage. We have all been led to believe from the start that there is a phase in your life called marriage and we all have got to marry. I was brought to believe that too. If you do not want to marry, you have to give innumerable answers "why you dont want to".

Some people might feel comfortable only with themselves and wouldnt want to share their life with some one else. They do not fell the necessity or need to share it with any one. At any point of time... a person has got to live his life for himself. There are innumerable cases where I have seen people..who changed their nature and their personality for their life partner's sake..it makes one wonder whether marriage is necessary. If a person cant accept his/her mate as how he/she is..then whats the point of marriage? Where does the individuality go? This is not only between married couple.. its there even between lovers.. one change themself for the sake of other. Why? Why should I become a person the other person want me to be? Dont i like myself the way I am? Whats wrong with me? I dont have impaired ideals or principles or nature..then why should i change myself for the other person?

There is one more thing... everyone has some aim in their life. If with marriage they can achieve that aim, then well and good. But there are lots of people who wants to do something but after marriage have to stop doing that..because of lack of time or change in priorities.
Why should a person let go of his/her aims in life which he/she had dreamt about in their beginning years of life? If you marry and you are not able to reach your aim then you have not lived for yourself.

If you get a person with whom, you can be yourself..without changing even a lil bit about you and see yourself being comfortable with person as you are with you, then thats what i call a perfect marriage and you can go ahead and marry. Else..it is better not to marry.

san2003
03-14-2004, 12:11 PM
very nice priya luv... but i dun think its being egoistic ... maybe the way i said it would sound like that... but no intentions of bringing in egoism :)

i like when u said :

Some people might feel comfortable only with themselves and wouldnt want to share their life with some one else. They do not fell the necessity or need to share it with any one. At any point of time... a person has got to live his life for himself. There are innumerable cases where I have seen people..who changed their nature and their personality for their life partner's sake..it makes one wonder whether marriage is necessary. If a person cant accept his/her mate as how he/she is..then whats the point of marriage? Where does the individuality go? This is not only between married couple.. its there even between lovers.. one change themself for the sake of other. Why? Why should I become a person the other person want me to be? Dont i like myself the way I am? Whats wrong with me? I dont have impaired ideals or principles or nature..then why should i change myself for the other person?

i totally agree :)

Shy
03-14-2004, 04:58 PM
Reply after a long time :)


"why do u need a second person to actually share ur happiness and sorrow with... and also why should someone else fill up the sadness or missing pieces in u to make life better... why can't i myself as a person be filled with happiness and joy and full of love and be complete and perfect and shower love and peace to the whole world without jealousy and hatred and not only concentrating on one person

I think thats one of looking at your life. Life is about sharing. Love is fullfilled only when u love someone else, not just you, which by default everyone does. So its not just sharing ur happiness and sorrow with someone else, but ur love. Thats the main factor in marriage. Its not that u want to fill up the blanks in ur life by marrying someone. But its abt having someone in ur life, who love u and share ur soul !!! U cant shower the same love u have on one person to everyone on earth. Thats different, u cant be a soul partner with everyone. Thats something u be with only one person.


Some people might feel comfortable only with themselves and wouldnt want to share their life with some one else. They do not fell the necessity or need to share it with any one. At any point of time... a person has got to live his life for himself. There are innumerable cases where I have seen people..who changed their nature and their personality for their life partner's sake..it makes one wonder whether marriage is necessary. If a person cant accept his/her mate as how he/she is..then whats the point of marriage? Where does the individuality go? This is not only between married couple.. its there even between lovers.. one change themself for the sake of other. Why? Why should I become a person the other person want me to be? Dont i like myself the way I am? Whats wrong with me? I dont have impaired ideals or principles or nature..then why should i change myself for the other person?

No one pressures you to change for the sake of other. Its love that makes u change to make the other happy and u arent doing it for sake but willingly. Mostly as you said, there arent many changes as u had said. Of course there will be some changes in ur life, because u no more are single and theres someone with u. Thats human nature. As Sri says change is always a constant. And only if theres a change life will be interesting, else boring. Each partner accept the other as they are, except for a few. May be some doesnt like smoke, so for their best interest u can avoid smoking when with them. Thats a change, its an understanding. Ellai naan smoke thaan panuvaen, u should accept me as I am'nu sonna thats vithandavaatham :). Marriage is a beautiful phase in everyones life which brings out a persons best characters like understanding, adjustment etc... Changin for a true love is always beautiful and willing one, never will any person whine for that :)


There is one more thing... everyone has some aim in their life. If with marriage they can achieve that aim, then well and good. But there are lots of people who wants to do something but after marriage have to stop doing that..because of lack of time or change in priorities.
Why should a person let go of his/her aims in life which he/she had dreamt about in their beginning years of life? If you marry and you are not able to reach your aim then you have not lived for yourself.

U cant blame marriage for that. Thats individuals urge under question. For all those years u have some goal in ur life, just because ua re married, if u put aside that long waited goal in ur life, then u arent capabale of doing anything. Athai vitutu u cant blame the marriage for that. Even after marriage u shud have the same urge to do what u wnated to do. A partner will only be supportive to u not the other way around :)



If you get a person with whom, you can be yourself..without changing even a lil bit about you and see yourself being comfortable with person as you are with you, then thats what i call a perfect marriage and you can go ahead and marry. Else..it is better not to marry.

Theres nothing called perfect marriage in the first place, after all we are humans and we do make mistakes. There will be ups and downs in a marriage. U cant be a person without changing urself a bit. See for urself are u the same as u were in 10th grade?? As years grow , u change and in marriage u change happily for the person u love

Shy

priyaluv
03-14-2004, 06:05 PM
San, it is good to be an egotist than being an altruist. I would prefer it at any time :) Probably we can ahve a thread about which is best..altruism or egotism..it will be very interesting...

Shy will answer your questions once i come back... i am going for shopping right now :)

Shy
03-14-2004, 06:29 PM
Enjoy ur shopping, can answer it whenever u are free :)

I think we might have a good debate ;)

Shy

gokulan42
03-14-2004, 06:31 PM
San, it is good to be an egotist than being an altruist. I would prefer it at any time :) Probably we can ahve a thread about which is best..altruism or egotism..it will be very interesting...

Shy will answer your questions once i come back... i am going for shopping right now :)
I no :lol: :lol:

priyaluv
03-14-2004, 06:33 PM
sure shy..looking forward to it. Starting now..and will be back in 3 hours or so..
bfn..

katteri
03-14-2004, 11:39 PM
Priyaluv (ill call as PL) excellent comments .. i was abt to raise these points....

Shy ..Good argument..
But as PL said after marriage priorities gets changed...one example suppose u can do a voulntary work on every sunday after marriage ..wife pooori kattai eduthukttiu varuvanghaaa..
one simple qn she ll ask....oru sunday la cinema ku kootitu pogha mudiyalai vunakkau ellam ethuku kalyanum.....


Vai adaichu poi nipppan nambha mapplai......

aaghave sinthpeer seyalpaduveer

sagi
03-14-2004, 11:47 PM
hehehehe maamoiiiiiiiii asathal story ya? hehehe
anyway sagi eppovum oru side thaan.
ninga maramal irunthal sari thanungo ;)

anainar
03-15-2004, 12:08 AM
Hmmm! So there are two team already and BFly is waiting for Dinesh.

I dont know how many of you lived alone away from your parents either for studies or work etc. It is all fun initially, all by ourself. We can do what we want, when we want, sleep till 12:00, get up and eat only Yogurt, but, is that all life is about? Just being yourself?

I have lived alone for years and years for studies/work etc. I also had the same views about marriage, Marriage is not necessary. But time changed my views. I am sure it will change who ever is saying no. What ever we say now will be countered by some "I", "Me" "Myself" argument. But life is much more than being oneself. Sex, food is all secondary/tertiary parts of marriage. It is misleading to put those things as reasons for marriage. I wont agree that people get married for those things.

Change of priorites is part of life. When I was 6 years old, my priority was to learn cycling. At 23 years, my priority was to get a good job. At 25 years my priority was to make even more money and spend even more. Arent those changes of priorities? How are those justified? How many times you shut your conscience out, while doing your job? How often you be yourself in your workplace? Life is full of compromises. Some for good reasons, some for making a living. But nothing substitutes compromises for a loved one.

So, guys/girls, pour more of your thoughts. I have been in both sides and can add a few cents. There are many such people here in Geetham. It could be fun as well enlightening.

Cheers

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 12:15 AM
Ofcourse you can call me Priya, Shy after all thats my name :) good points shy..



No one pressures you to change for the sake of other. Its love that makes u change to make the other happy and u arent doing it for sake but willingly. Mostly as you said, there arent many changes as u had said. Of course there will be some changes in ur life, because u no more are single and theres someone with u. Thats human nature. As Sri says change is always a constant. And only if theres a change life will be interesting, else boring. Each partner accept the other as they are, except for a few. May be some doesnt like smoke, so for their best interest u can avoid smoking when with them. Thats a change, its an understanding. Ellai naan smoke thaan panuvaen, u should accept me as I am'nu sonna thats vithandavaatham . Marriage is a beautiful phase in everyones life which brings out a persons best characters like understanding, adjustment etc... Changing for a true love is always beautiful and willing one, never will any person whine for that


Probably love is a reason for changing oneself. But why should you change? If the other person loves you a lot, then all the more you must not change. A person has got to love and respect a person for what he/she is. But this will happen more in the case of love marriages. Arranged marriage I know its very difficult coz you dont get to know what sort of person you are getting married to and life is full of adjustments. I am not talking about small small adjustments that one has got to make...though i dont approve of it...but it turns out inevitable. You can gauge a change, by keeping something constant.. here "I" has got be constant. He/She must not change for other person...even when he/she is your soul mate. He/She can change when they do introspection/retrospection abt themselves and find a need to. I have seen many people curbing their mate's talking and ask them not to talk about all irrelevant things when we have a get-together or something. They feel very embarassed. Now why this embarassment and why make his/her mate feel bad? It is like professor higgins telling Eliza Doolittle in "My fair lady" to stick with Weather and health. This is just one example.

I have ofcourse seen few different cases too. One of my friend's wife talk all things without stopping and topics which is completely different from what we are talking. My friend supports his wife and then we all start on the other topic. If there are some faults, it has got to be accepted rather than asking to change it.

"Each partner accept the other as they are, except for a few. May be some doesnt like smoke, so for their best interest u can avoid smoking when with them" --- I accept this statement of yours shy. A person must not change for others. They must not quit smoking but they can go outside and smoke or can smoke when thier partner is around. I think most of the people do this. Let me tell you an other thing.... guys asking their girl to dress to their liking..this happens very frequntly. Recently we had a pot-luck party and there my colleagues wives were talking to each other..how they had to change 3 dresses before they came to the party coz their husband did not like it. One of my friend complains to me that her husband wants her to wear pants and jeans whereas she is very comfortable in salwar and she prefers herself in salwar. Well clothes is a very minor matter but a lady dresses according to their husbands wishes... I dont quite understand why. If you want to change for the other person, well its fine..by the end of day..your mind is at rest and is peaceful..then its absoloutely fine. But if you dont want to change, but you are forced to change..then is it worth changing?



U cant blame marriage for that. Thats individuals urge under question. For all those years u have some goal in ur life, just because ua re married, if u put aside that long waited goal in ur life, then u arent capabale of doing anything. Athai vitutu u cant blame the marriage for that. Even after marriage u shud have the same urge to do what u wnated to do. A partner will only be supportive to u not the other way around



I accept Shy.. that one must have an urge to reach their goal. But do tell me in how many cases it does happen that they are able to pursue their dreams? Ofcourse there are some people who support their partners for their goal. But there are lots of people.. who have left their aims in life..for domestic needs. When I come to a party, married women come to me and say that they envy me coz i am free to act however I want and go wherever I want. They say that before marriage they had lots of dreams and aims..but now..even if they want to..they dont have time..as they have kids..and they are living their life for their husband and thier kids and not for themselves. If you have are not satisfied with your marriage? is it worth marrying?
i dont think so. Again these are just my point of view.

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 12:21 AM
Thanks Katteri... poori kadha nalla irundhadhu :)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 12:23 AM
gokulan...edhukkku shopping na odane ore sirippu ? :think:

It was just grocery shopping :) wont take time....

butterfly
03-15-2004, 12:26 AM
Is marriage necessary???

Priya lov explained one aspect of wat i wanted to say...but let me put my thghts...I wud vote for other here...& my reason is...it depends on the indivdual

1) If u can live ur life dedicating urself only to God & others...Then I wud say that person is better of living his life as a sanyasi , samiyar.priest,nuns...coz his/her focus & hisher view of life is different...I really respect such ppl ...I am not talking about poli samiyar's ...who says marriage is no good but drools @ every gal :)

2) I dont believe ppl who say they dont want to marry coz they want to serve the society...to those ppl my question is wat is society?....isnt it made of u & me?...wat happens to this society if everyone chooses not to marry & have kids....wudnt it end there???....talking about volunteer work....Y do ppl believe once ur marraied the volunteer work stops?...it doesnt...infact it wud increase once ur married & after having kids...coz u want to teach ur kids how to be helpfull to others...Y not encourage them by taking them to an orphanage & showing them of kids who are not as lucky as them....I think that wud be the best lesson u can do for the society...coz if we raise kids to respect & love others...then there wudnt be any orphanage or old age homes....

3) Marriage is a beautifull bond...it bonds 2 ppl in everyway...the sense of belonging to life is only known by ppl who are in that position :)...there cud be arguments so wat...thats part of marriage....its fun to fight & get back together...its like kids fighting for lolypop...coz sometimes u forget wat u fought for :)

I understand there are ppl who have suffered in marriage...but to say marriage is not needed I wudnt agree to that ...hence it depends on the person...dont put away marraige saying u want to help the society...instead marry & raise kids in love & discipline to take care of others :)

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 03:02 AM
gokulan...edhukkku shopping na odane ore sirippu ? :think:

It was just grocery shopping :) wont take time....
grocery shopping for 'just 3 hours' a? wow?

pavam xxxxx :lol:

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 03:33 AM
no xxxxx....so thats fine :)

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 03:46 AM
oh I see :)

btw, how did you know what i mean by xxxxx ;)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 03:58 AM
vera yaaru paavam?

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 04:11 AM
whom did you thought I meant ;)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 04:17 AM
whomever u thought when u sent :wink:

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 04:20 AM
I meant 4 different possibilities, priya. hubby or lover or wudbe or xxxxx

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 04:27 AM
:)

4th possibility is....

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 04:33 AM
daddy or mommy or xxxxx :)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 04:36 AM
6th possibility is... dont say child ...... :)

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 04:43 AM
oh ofcourse that is a possibility if you are old :)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 04:46 AM
but how come it is a possibility without the first 3 xxxxx you said............... :)
I am an indian girl :)

gokulan42
03-15-2004, 04:56 AM
I dint mean 'without' those. Obviously if you are old, you vwudahad those :)

priyaluv
03-15-2004, 05:03 AM
nah..i dont have the 1st possibility to have the 6th possibility...

katteri
03-15-2004, 05:16 PM
hehehehe maamoiiiiiiiii asathal story ya? hehehe
anyway sagi eppovum oru side thaan.
ninga maramal irunthal sari thanungo ;)

maraaamaa irukkanum than

Shy
03-15-2004, 07:17 PM
Probably love is a reason for changing oneself. But why should you change? If the other person loves you a lot, then all the more you must not change. A person has got to love and respect a person for what he/she is. But this will happen more in the case of love marriages. Arranged marriage I know its very difficult coz you dont get to know what sort of person you are getting married to and life is full of adjustments. I am not talking about small small adjustments that one has got to make...though i dont approve of it...but it turns out inevitable. You can gauge a change, by keeping something constant.. here "I" has got be constant. He/She must not change for other person...even when he/she is your soul mate.

Priya, sorry for the late reply. When u fall in love, as a person u never change. U change ur lifestyle. U change the way u hadle things in ur life. Example.. take a single guy in love with a girl and getting married. Before marriage that guy may be in going to pubs, dancefloors, drinking even daily... watching those movies etc.. But now after shes into his life. he can go occasionaly but he has to spend some time with her too and he has to forego his previous single life things. thats the change. but character wise there wont be any change.. Thats what the change i am talking abt. Coz none can change a character of a person, its in their blood, even if they try to hide it for others sake, it will peek out occasionally and hence its always better to be as they are and mostly in a best marriage where couples seems to understand each other, they will be as they are and they accept their partner as they are. So in an understanding couple, there wont be any character change between them.


He/She can change when they do introspection/retrospection abt themselves and find a need to. I have seen many people curbing their mate's talking and ask them not to talk about all irrelevant things when we have a get-together or something. They feel very embarassed. Now why this embarassment and why make his/her mate feel bad?

No priya, u got to understand something here, when they are private they can take whatever they want to and be as they are. But when in social gatherings u had to maintain.. its social expectance from u. A flirt guy after marriage in a official gathering cant talk hood or flirt with his senior's ladies. Thats in appropriate. But in private, u know u can talk anything u want!!! Thats the reason in such places they ask their mate to maintain some level of diginity. Just imagine.. not even married, in such meetings can a single guy talk whatever he wants too? he cant... same thing goes when u are with someone :)


I have ofcourse seen few different cases too. One of my friend's wife talk all things without stopping and topics which is completely different from what we are talking. My friend supports his wife and then we all start on the other topic. If there are some faults, it has got to be accepted rather than asking to change it.

Thats very true... But not many friends like you might accept what she talks.. may be u might just sit there and listen to what she talks.... but there might be someone who might talk at her back saying, his wife is blabbering something and look at him doesnt even now to help his wife what to say.. Thsi society can talk in all possible ways. So its better jsut ignore it and be which is comfortable for the couples :) For the couples u had mentioned... just imagine will the husband be the same when hes in some official gatherings???? friends gathering different, official ones different.. so more than the couples.. they had to mould to the societys acceptance... athuku marriage'a kutham sola mudiyumoo ???


Let me tell you an other thing.... guys asking their girl to dress to their liking..this happens very frequntly. Recently we had a pot-luck party and there my colleagues wives were talking to each other..how they had to change 3 dresses before they came to the party coz their husband did not like it. One of my friend complains to me that her husband wants her to wear pants and jeans whereas she is very comfortable in salwar and she prefers herself in salwar. Well clothes is a very minor matter but a lady dresses according to their husbands wishes... I dont quite understand why. If you want to change for the other person, well its fine..by the end of day..your mind is at rest and is peaceful..then its absoloutely fine. But if you dont want to change, but you are forced to change..then is it worth changing?

Again let me tell u something.. As a human nature woman should be presentable. we know that right. But to be frank, most ladies once they marry and come here husbands wont even care or ask them to wear this or that. I used to go to temples and shops here.. Enga little india solalaam, that many indians.. U know the woman hip size will be 45 or somethign, but she will be wearing pants. The guy doesnt say anything. Its her wish, shes wearing. At times husbands to ask their partners to wear something for some occasions. Thats just to be in sync with others in the gathering. Oru official gatheringla americans others ellam irukum poothu taking ur wife in a traditional dress doesnt suit very well.. I wont agree that ur friends husband is strict on her to wear those types of dresses. She can always say shes comfortable with salwar and doesnt like to wear the pants. Its a hardcore fact that once its down to dresses, no one can force a woman to wear ones she doesnt like, except for muslims ofcourse !!!


I accept Shy.. that one must have an urge to reach their goal. But do tell me in how many cases it does happen that they are able to pursue their dreams? Ofcourse there are some people who support their partners for their goal. But there are lots of people.. who have left their aims in life..for domestic needs. When I come to a party, married women come to me and say that they envy me coz i am free to act however I want and go wherever I want. They say that before marriage they had lots of dreams and aims..but now..even if they want to..they dont have time..as they have kids..and they are living their life for their husband and thier kids and not for themselves. If you have are not satisfied with your marriage? is it worth marrying?
i dont think so. Again these are just my point of view.

Thats very true priya... those ladies know that after marriage they can still pursue their dreams.. but why have children so early then??? Can they wait till they reach their goal and then have children? Marriage pannina udanae tehy want children and also they whine their dreams are lost. ITs like they are standing with each leg in each boat. If u want to reahc ur goal first then do that and then settle in ur life, imean children, u can always marry and reach for ur goal. Ellai, i want to have kids and have family and enjoy na, then they shudnt whine that their dreams are gone right??? Only one thing can happen... How many ladies who spoke to u really love to have their dreams sollunga.. For them marriage, kids ellam vaenum aand in the same age they want their other dreams to come true too. Is that possible? That shud be realistic to somepoint i guess :)

Shy

katteri
03-15-2004, 10:59 PM
AAahha excellent arguments by anainar,bfly,pl,shy.... :sm30: :clap: :sm30: :clap: :sm30: :clap: :sm30: :clap:

Honestly when i read each of your posts i was moving towards ur views.....

Marriage is viewed in different angle from person to person. All who are married arent happy and at the same time all who arent married are sad too....


Most of my views will be with an example so it doesnt diff in this post too...

I asked my dad when i was a kid wht is happiness???...'' he said its too young to ask such questions and difficult to understand the answer for it.

When i was a kid i thought happiness is playing,eat chocolates, icecream...

When i was around 12 years i asked my dad.. he said u r learning abt that...
I thought studying well, behave properly towards others and playing is happiness

years passed by i again raised the qn...he said its a long learning process...
I thought getting admission in a college will make me happy....

after few years .. ithought spending time with friends, going to cinema, freaking, is happiness...

Time to end my college life i thought a job which wud fetch me good money is happiness....

This time i was determined to ask the soltuion for the question that was raised a decade before.... He looked at me ..asked me to guess wht is happiness???
I said being a rich person, being a successful person in my carrer, taking care of parents during their old age....

He said ur still a kid....HAPPINESS IS ONE WHEN U EXPERIENCE ....SEEING(MAKING) OTHERS HAPPY....

A rich person is flocked by rich men, a succesful carrer person is flocked by his colleagues....
But a happiest person is one who...is surrounded by person who cares for u..and whom u care for .....

Marriage thou people think of sexual relations, sharing bla bla bla....is more than above its making others happy.....

People who gave gifts to their wud be ...wud feel happy by seeing the emotions of their wud be...not necesaarily gifts anything.....

more TBA

sagi
03-16-2004, 05:27 AM
ninga maarama irunga ;) mammaaaaa

ragi_kutty
03-16-2004, 09:42 AM
maaamaaa.............KATTERI maaamaa............ hehe......... :)

hey KATTERI maamaa eppa maamaa vaa vittar?............ :)

Enakku neenga onnume sollalaye...... :(

sagi
03-16-2004, 10:56 AM
enakku aarambhathile irunthe avar maama thandi ragi..hehehe

dinesh
03-16-2004, 10:56 AM
hmmmm....looks like I missed some action.

I guess people here know what my view is. It has been already discussed and dissected enough. But I'll do the act once more.

Marriage is an act showing social responsibility. Some people like it, for a host of reasons. Again some people, like me, don't like it as much as anybody else would. That's not to say, I'd never marry in life. But, just saying it's not a priority for me. I need to find a person who can match my ambitions and thoughts first. Even then there is no guarantee I will get married. So, the question here, whether it is necessary, is well answered , I guess.

The problem is, this should be an individual choice. For some people it might be necessary. For some it might not be. Anainar explained a point about not being able to be alone for long, but that's a question of personal choice. I, for example, like being alone. I like the company of myself. I've been alone for most of my life, and even more alone in the distant past, and I like it. So, the question of marriage does not really pose much of a problem to me.

Furthermore, some people might not be willing to go through the challenges marriage would pose. It is not a bed of roses always, as married people here would confirm. One needs to have certain abilities like problem solving, understanding and let the others go ahead with their actions even if they disagree with it and so on. I don't think it is justified to expect every human being to possess these characteristics. In my opinion people who might lack these qualities should stay single, as otherwise they will be forced to lead an unhappy life. Again, it's a question of the individual.

Unfortunately, the societies from which we have come from, believes in marriages and families. So, some of us might have those views very strongly in them. I've seen through experience that women mainly think this way, that it's their duty to get married, bear children etc. But, this is mainly the result of centuries of mistreatment of women by our societies. Women are denied education, upto a certain level where they can survive on their own in societies, and thus being forced to marry to be able to survive after their parents' times. This is not really a valid argument that marriage is necessary is it? It's more of a situation which epitomises the shortcomings of our way of life.

So, in conclusion, is marriage good? Of course it is, at least to some individuals, as they believe that they achieve happiness through it. But, is it necessary? No, because not everyone likes that way of life.

sagi
03-16-2004, 11:04 AM
ofcourse i said i am supporting you...following you..ok dini...keep it up

ragi_kutty
03-16-2004, 11:39 AM
naanum support pannuran........... ;)

sagi
03-16-2004, 01:00 PM
ni thaandi nija friend..ethukkunne theriyama en kooda support panrai :yes:

katteri
03-17-2004, 03:14 PM
Recently i read an article from a tamil magazine, its about a survey it says that many of the young people are concentrating on work and studies rather than on marriage.

Younger generation have a long term goal which people in the past ...(couple of decades b4)....are driving 2wards short term goals

ragi_kutty
03-18-2004, 10:10 AM
aamaa di........hey naan nijam friendaaaa?..........neeyum thaan di........

katteri maama nee nalla iru......... :)

sagi
03-19-2004, 01:01 AM
is it katteri ? hmmmm

ragi - ni sonn sarithaandi :)

ragi_kutty
03-19-2004, 12:34 PM
good good.........

aamaa yeen katteri maamaa intha photo vaichirukkurar?

sagi
03-19-2004, 11:35 PM
athu avangala pola ;)

ragi_kutty
03-22-2004, 10:31 AM
true?

Shy
03-22-2004, 03:49 PM
Guys enna ithu chit chat poitu irukku, PMnu onnu irukae marathuteengala???

Shy

sri_gan
03-22-2004, 03:53 PM
Guys enna ithu chit chat poitu irukku, PMnu onnu irukae marathuteengala???

Shy

I sent a detailed pm for the specific users.

I hope they will end soon and respect the topic's guideline... illaina... vishweroombam edukka vendiyathan...

Eppadi vasathinu avangale mudivu pannikattum.

ragi_kutty
03-24-2004, 10:37 AM
ayo ayo sri_gan enakku purinchu pochu..............naan ange ve poran..... :)

wendy
03-24-2004, 11:21 AM
Hai guys....it is part of your life man.....u have to get through this phase to understand ur life...so marriage is essential

bharanishan
03-24-2004, 11:29 AM
enoda vote S ku than :D ...enapa marriage panitu epadi elam settle agalamnu kanavu kandutut iruken..neenga enana..marriage venuma :sm18: venamanu kekuringa. :( .marriage paninathampa :sm05: ..lifela oru thrill irukum. :wink: ..


NO ku vote potavanga elam marupariselanai seiyavum :think: ...nala yosichu decide panunga..

i agree this statement of sarvnaa....

katteri
03-24-2004, 02:52 PM
Hai guys....it is part of your life man.....u have to get through this phase to understand ur life...so marriage is essential


Do u think people who got married r happy and people who havent are leading life bad...

anjaligirl
03-26-2004, 08:04 PM
It doesnt have to be necessary from a cultural point of view. Especially if you are living in a foreign country where ppl live together without getting married. It haas become commonplace. However, marriage may be a saftey net. Under the law you will be better treated if you are married. For example, in the case of seperation, a married woman is entitled to half an inheritance. The law doesnt look at common law partners in teh same way. So its better to be married than be sorry later.

knehru
03-27-2004, 04:56 AM
Kateri

Ofcourse very little of them are not so happy :( . But majority are happy :D :D :D with their marriage life. without marriage life is meaningless. this is my openion.

Marriage has some demerits. But when compared with merits, they are of not ppm, even less than ppt level.

Marriage is necessary. those who said no, will marry one day. At that time they will realise the necessity of marriage. I am not conecern sex only :nono: . There are so many things. :Ksp:

Marriage is an art, love, happy, sad, laugh, etc, etc..... Anupavithu parthal mattum than theriyum. :lol: :lol:

I wish all should marry and feel the feelings.