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butterfly
04-28-2004, 02:47 AM
Comparing oneself to others...or comparing ones family or friends with others....Is it a good thing or bad thing....wat are the postive & negative sides to it...

example.
while in school padikarthile comparison irukarthu nalatha illaiya?...does it motivate u to get more marks??

with friends...is it good to compare oneself to others....of how much close one is to the other?...

In family is it good to compare onself to other siblings...


Lets discuss....

yaarum thittatheengo...pattams back with her weird topicsnu :)

yogesh220
04-28-2004, 04:44 PM
Actually it depends...comaprison pannurathu as such is a thing..to decide it whether it is bad or not it depends on what the reaction to the caomparison is...padikkirathula compare panni, nalla padikkanumnu mudivedtuthaa adhu goodu..aana athe time nalla padikkira paiyan compare pannathunaala ennathukku nalla padikkanumnu mudiveduthaa adhu very bad.... enna puriyuthaa?

Shy
04-28-2004, 04:56 PM
Welcome butterfly ji :sm03: Shuper topci poonga :D

Comparison is a must, but not within family or friends. Coz that is emotional bound. Everyone is special in someway to other, may be not in the same way. Husbandkku amma oru vithathula very important special etc.. Wife the other.. Ithula yaar osathinu sola compare pana kuudathu.. Coz for the husband both are important and special to him.

But in career wise, studies aagatum or work. comparison is a must, because that will be ur driving energy :D

More to come as we proceed

Shy

seny
04-28-2004, 06:12 PM
Constructiveva irukurathu compare panurathula thapae illa... I agree with Shy in household but studies vishayathulla entha allavukku compare pananumnu limits jasthi... oruthan padikkalanu solli nalla padikkura vanoda compare panurathu antha alavukku sari nu ennakku thonala... maybe he/she can be better in any other field... career la compare panallam enna career includes ones studies and so many other things... like sportman spirt comparison should be taken gently... thesedays naraiya parents pasanga padippu vishayathulla compare panuranga.. nalla vella na padikkum pothu ennakku antha pirachanai illa... maybe i tends to create inferiority complex...

Seny

anainar
04-28-2004, 06:24 PM
Pattams,

வந்ததும் வராததுமா சூடா கடை ஆரம்பிச்சி ட்டீங்க.

Compariso is part of life. Every aspect of life will definitely be compared with some one else's aspect at some point of time. May be when young education, grow up and take a job then career comparison. Then marriage comparison. The persons that one is compared to becomes different with time, but the process is in motion throughout life.

Rather than asking whether it is good or bad, it is better to know how to live with it. Every one makes choices in their life and each choice has a consequence attached with it. It is not possibile to divorce these two and apply to another person. It is only when this is done, wrong conclusions are drawn causing heartburn.

If one is strong enough to take the result of comparison on his/her stride and take corrective action( I presume the end objective of both the persons are the same ), comparisons can be healthy. Whether between family members or outside. If you know who you are and what you want and compare with those who have already achieved that goal or in the process will always help to learn. Comarison with a person whose objectives are different will cause problems.

Havent I confused you guys enough? Will do more as and when this topic becomes more clear. Only then confusion is fun.

Cheers

seny
04-28-2004, 06:29 PM
Enna Anainar Matrix kadai mathri choice and consequenceca iruku... :wink:


Seny

vasan
04-28-2004, 08:15 PM
Nice topic Butterfly !

Comparison is one truly double-edged sword.. (:oops: nah... I don't mean the kind of thing our Beloved Moderators might wield.. but in the figurative sense!). Comparison for the sake of encouragement is a welcome thing, while as a means of belittling some one is a bad thing.

How could follow a leader unless I see him to be a better person (than me?!). How could I listen to some one else's ideas, unless I first compare it with my own and see thats better? Would I still have heroes, leaders, mentors, and 'elder brothers' left, if I care not a wit for their 'better' selfs?

On the other hand, if I am stuck up on measuring each part of me and my talent and soul to some one else, that is so obviously destructive.. I don't want to be some one else - but me. A better me perhaps, but still me. I don't have to have his beauty, her wealth, his knowledge, her skills, his eloquence and her logic in everything I do. And if it makes me unhappy there is really no end to that kind of unhappiness.

Comparison when leading to self improvement and edification is great, but if it leads to destruction and low self-esteem, its awful....

More on that later...

Vasan

Shy
04-28-2004, 08:46 PM
If one is strong enough to take the result of comparison on his/her stride and take corrective action( I presume the end objective of both the persons are the same ), comparisons can be healthy. Whether between family members or outside. If you know who you are and what you want and compare with those who have already achieved that goal or in the process will always help to learn. Comarison with a person whose objectives are different will cause problems.

engalukku puriyaatha mathiri confuse pani post poota.. yaethoo supera paerusa soli irukaar pola irukkunu vituduvoomnu nenaicheengala ;) :nono: :nono:

Point is I am talkign only for family, even if u know what u are comparing urself with other person, in my example its the priority a husband has towards mother and wifenu vachukoonga. If both these ladies having the same thought that they love that guy, soulmate, brith kadamai etc etc and they shud have high priority... still it leads to problems right??

Appo instead of analysing about the comaprison level these 2 can have, shouldnt it be like this - They both cant compare each other???

Shy

unique
04-28-2004, 09:03 PM
Side track ku mannichudungo

Anainar onga avatar la irukardhu onga payana....cute a irukaan......

Well coming back to the main topic:

Comparison with siblings is not a good thing according to me.....actually chinna vayasulendhe indha maadhiri compare panna aarambicha it ll end up in hatredness......Well nalla vishayathula compare pannalam,but that shuld nt be the routine thing......Welll each one is a unique individual,oruthar kitta irukara qualities innoruthar kitta irukaadhu....by comparing do u think that the other who is lacking in some is going to get something definitely not......rather that person will tend to develope hatredness....But it also depends on the individuals mentality welll amma namba nallathukku thaan sollaraanganu eduthukara kozhandainga niraya peru irukaanga.......but not everyone is like that.....as said each one is a unique individual in their own way........adhukkunu bad habits develop pannika sollalai

anainar
04-28-2004, 09:14 PM
Side Track: Yes, unique, that is my son and I was inspired by Minik. :P:

Shy,

There is a clause in my statement.
( I presume the end objective of both the persons are the same ). Obviously the objective of the mom and wife are different when it comes to love and cannot be compared.

Between siblings is a different story. Two brothers might have many things in common and might have the same objective. In that case comparison helps. You might have a role model or benchmark of what you want and compare yourselves against that. The benchmark could be the sibling. One of our siblings said, " I want a husband as kind as sibling X, and make as much money as sibling Y". Unforunately X and Y dont have many things in common. It is comparison. And cannot be lived without.

Cheers.

Bluelotus
04-28-2004, 09:15 PM
Well like all of u have said (in one way or the other) It is part of life.
Human nature is such that it must compare itself to everything
....not just limited to other humans...
mythology gives us many examples of mere humans comparing themselves to even the ancient Gods.
It doesn't stop there...our poetry and language is full of it.
(be it metahors, similes, or some other literary device....)
School system, work, sport...everything is based on comparison
we even have a whole book dedicated to it...the Guinness book of Records

It is actually very important for the growth of each person IMHO...
it is a scale on which u measure ur own worth in a meritocratic society if u like

but yes it can go to far.....abuse will definitely lead to depression and have other severe consequences.
But how do you know when to stop comparing?
well ... that is up to each individual... perhaps never, perhpas when u get out of the rat-race

I think that comparison within siblings is acceptable.
dunno abt between husband and wife....don't think it's a good idea :think:

yup like Anainar said ...one must know with whom to compare oneself to.
no point of comparing myself to Einstein ...when his IQ was obvioulsy no where near mine :ahha: but to compare myself to fellow colleagues...or senior students' achievements when they were at my particular stage....that's important...it give me an idea of what I need to improve and accomplish...

You have to know who to compare yourself too...

Seny,
:ee: every action has a reaction...every cause an effect...so it is up to one to know one's own limit to comparison I suppose

Anainar,
he looks soooo cute :D

butterfly
04-28-2004, 10:58 PM
Its nice to see lots of views...like many mentioned here it had good & bad points...I feel comparison helps us a lot in our studies...but it has to come frm with in not induced to u by others...same @ work place...its that eagerness to be the best which makes us compare...but it does have its downfall...if we can accept it & rectify it...for ones own betterment...also depends on who one compares oneself too...I liked this line quoted by blue :)


no point of comparing myself to Einstein ...when his IQ was obvioulsy no where near mine


unique wrote,


Welll each one is a unique individual,oruthar kitta irukara qualities innoruthar kitta irukaadhu....by comparing do u think that the other who is lacking in some is going to get something definitely not......rather that person will tend to develope hatredness....

Very true...but do we follow that?...specially with kids...I have seen parents pushing kids comparing them to others...I think its totally wrong...I cant imagine how constructive it is for the child to be told he his doing bad comapred to others
more to follow :)

vennai1
04-28-2004, 11:05 PM
pattams,

sorry... i read the fineprint...still i feel the same... :P :P :sm12:


nice topic... well i agree to most of the points by blues,iyanaar anne and smelly...
but like pattams wrote...

...I cant imagine how constructive it is for the child to be told he his doing bad comapred to others


i think most of the parents are going overboard with this comparision thing
with children... dont you think so??? :think:

vasan
04-28-2004, 11:27 PM
nice topic... well i agree to most of the points by blues,iyanaar anne and smelly...


what is the meaning of this statement? :think: Puthusaa onnum solla theriyalainnu arthamaa.. :sm12: :sm12: :sm12: (sorrrrry vic-ji... couldn't resist that one :oops: )

Seems like mostly the bad part of "Comparison" tactic is being highlighted here. But I think this is wrong as well. A bit of competition and challenge and setting goals is important for young minds (rrr.. some old ones too.. :P) What is the easiest way to set a goal? Be like him/her. When it is focussed on positive attributes of people it is a great thing.

Compared to some I have no patience. Compared to others I have no drive. Compared to some people I don't exert or plan. And I think these are positive qualities I need to observe, learn and copy from others. Compared to my own siblings there are quite few things in which I need to improve. It does not create any competition (say to be the best kid of the week or any thing like it) or complexes. But I just want to be as nice as my elder brother and elder sister..

Comparison is a good thing. Much like Salt. Add in good quantity you bring out the taste in the food.. add too much you can't eat it.. :D :D

In support of encouragement and comparisons.. introspection and observation,
Vasan

vennai1
04-29-2004, 12:11 AM
Comparison is a good thing. Much like Salt. Add in good quantity you bring out the taste in the food.. add too much you can't eat it..



smelly... i agree to that... :P (sorry cud not resist saying ;))

sagi
04-29-2004, 06:22 AM
sagi thinks OK..but ithila potti irukkanum..poraamai irukka padathu...then comparision /comparing is OK :)

Teena
04-29-2004, 02:14 PM
Nice topic to discuss buterfly

I think comparing with others is not a healthy issue.One should try to compete with others in life,studies,etc but try not to compare.

If one compare him/herself with his/her friends then that would end up in enemity and envy and the same is applicable to neighbours and relatives.

Comparison, among the families would block the personal and emotional relationship.


(Anainar, Your baby is cute.)

Teena
04-29-2004, 02:18 PM
Anainar,I find u'r baby avatar missing.Why did u change it?

anainar
04-29-2004, 02:31 PM
Sivam,

Yep that is my son Adityan. Well, I thought it provoked so much attention and hence decided to change it. No big deal, may be I can change it back to his photo. It will be a welcome change between the actresses/actors and other pictures.

Cheers

unique
04-29-2004, 02:35 PM
Nice topic to discuss buterfly

I think comparing with others is not a healthy issue.One should try to compete with others in life,studies,etc but try not to compare.

If one compare him/herself with his/her friends then that would end up in enemity and envy and the same is applicable to neighbours and relatives.

Comparison, among the families would block the personal and emotional relationship.


(Anainar, Your baby is cute.)

Like Sivam said......one individual can compare himself/herself with others to succeed in future,adhula thappu illai....But parents pushing the child too much to be like others is not a good thing.......

anainar
04-29-2004, 03:08 PM
Sivam,

This is what I mentioned as the ability to bear the result of comparison. Parents comparing their children with other children and forcing them is unacceptable. I presumed we were talking about grown ups comparing themselves against others.

Jealousy is a characteristic of an individual. Comparison is one of the routes to get jealous, but not the only one. It always helps to set benchmarks and compare our performance against the benchmark. The becnhmark could be an individual. It could even be a sibling. As long as one can handle the result of comparison for objective purposes it is ok. Only when it crosses this boundary and enters into jealousy the problem happens.

Cheers

sboons
04-29-2004, 04:59 PM
comparison is a healthy one, but should kno where the limits are... too much of anything is not good.. athe mathiri thaan.. comparison makes u to set mile stones, goals etc and only by comparision with other u know where u stand and if u lag behind, u start working for it...

This can hold good with siblings or other people.. But parents sometimes don't understand this and they go to such an extent that the child sometimes start feeling hatred, inferior etc... even when parents try to compare, i think they should do it in such a manner that the kid takes it in a proper way.. not like start comparing in front of his friends, or for that matter in front of his bro/ sister.

A child will surely understand when u talk to him alone and tell him y u are doing this... Every child will understand if it is reasonable.

About comparing wife and mother, i think that is not good.. For the husband, both of them play a very important role and he is not complete with either one of themm.. so it is not at all healthy to start comparing his mother and wife.. I think every wife will understand when u say, my mother does it well, u can learn it from her in a proper way, than saying, u don't know anything at all, if my mom would have been here, then things would have been totally different..

ananinar, how old is ur son now??? romba vishamam panrana??? beinga a gemini, neraya pesarana????


cheers

boons

Teena
04-29-2004, 05:34 PM
Anainar,it's good that u have put back u'r baby avatar.

yeah, comparison is the root cause for jealous.One should feel satisfied with what he gets in his life.

Well said unique and boons.
Parents should never force their children to make him/her like his/her friends/neighbours/relatives which is really really bad and it would turn the children to go negative and also that might change his/her attitude.There is also a possibility that the children would get demotivated and discouraged.I hope this kind of comparision shouldn't happen to any children atleast in this current trend.

Let us be a good parents. :yes:

Shy
04-29-2004, 06:44 PM
I cant imagine how constructive it is for the child to be told he his doing bad comapred to others
more to follow :)

Butterfly,

In every step of you life, you have to have some goal to reach it. A small kid when starting to walk, mom walks to the opposite side and says "see, eppadi vanthaen paaru".. apapdi vaa pakalaam.. A mom is imposing herself to be an example to that kid and trying to make him/her do as she did and thus successfully walking. Thats constructive.

Same thing goes when we compare our kids in school. A first rank holder is pround of himself as many are looking at to him and thrives to hold on to that position as long as he can. Those who are looking up to him, should feel what they are missing. That can be possible only when parents or any elders point that to him. A 4th grader doesnt have the urge unless a parent says, look how good that kid is, he studies everything daily, does his homework, doesnt whine like you for studying etc. Thus pointing out that those are the good ones that u should follow to be a top rank holder urself.

Thaana padipaan, avanaa panuvaan, avanukku yethu mudiyuthoo athu panatumnu if we leave him in their small age, then oru lazyness, oru casualness ellam varum.. athu thaanae appuram pakalaam, whose going to ask me.. I forgot the actual word they used to say for that.

So chinna vayasula comparison is good as long the parents know their limits and stop pushing the kids. That will sure be with him forever and help him reach his goal in his each step of life !!!

Shy

sagi
04-30-2004, 04:52 AM
I agree with sivam....compare urself is fine. I always compare sagi and myself. :ee:
shy akka, your kids are lucky :)