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Bluelotus
05-07-2004, 12:10 AM
Dear all,

No, I'm not in this situation...have years to go yet before even thinking abt little brats :ee:

On a serious note...

recent discussions in Geetham have raised very important issues abt the age of marriage getting pushed further and further.

In general, we now marry much later in life than our ancestors did.
THis is also means that the fertility of both genders decrease condiderably......due to age and also other environmental factors.
Not only does fertility decrease by the time u hit late 30s but also ur chances of having a disabled child increases (usually for fisrt pregnancies) ...applies again to both men and women.

SO now you have many a couple turning towards either scientifically aided conceptions such as In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF- test tube babies) a very expensive procedure...often non-successful...

or

you Have Adoption....an equally painful procedure....the waiting list is huge and so are the requirements ... I think it's expensive too ..not sure
of course it is easier to adopt children from the Far-East...I don't actually know how easy it is to adopt from the Indian-Subcontinent.
(I mean real adoption not fostering or sponsoring of child)

which would you go for if u ever where in this hypothetical situation. and why??

I am sorry if I have upset any sensitive sould here....I felt that it is an issue worth thinking abt...


Blue.

unique
05-07-2004, 12:22 AM
Blues

Yes ofcourse it is a sensitive subject.......

One will normally try all the methods to have the child of their own.....they go till the last extent actually IVF vida advanced innum rendu irukku something like ZIFT n GIFT(not sure)......even though it is costly they prefer not to rule out the possibilities......IVF success rates r quiet reasonable u cannot say it is non-successful.....Dr.s take up a patient for IVF depending on the age factor only........Once a female cannot produce fertile she can have a donor too......

Adoption might be quiet common in US....but back in India people somewat they don t go for adoption(but there are people who have adopted too)....but taking the percentage into count it i very less.........the main reason behind this is they r worried abt the community around them.....

Ok u ve actually asked whether wat wuld we prefer in such cases,if one has to undergo this situation......According to me i wuld prefer going for IVF on the first place.......adoption wuld be the last option.........i ll stop with this

vennai1
05-07-2004, 12:38 AM
Blues,
interesting issue at hand.... well i am leaning towards adoption a little bit more.... :b:
but wud be a big decision to make for sure in one's life ! :think:

Bluelotus
05-07-2004, 01:28 AM
It is a sensitive subject.

Personnally I would support adoption categorically...no that I don't want to have little bluey babies :wink: of my own...ones who share blood-bonds with me.....and as woman I would like to experience pregancy at least once :think:

but for every person who cannot have natural children...they're so many orphaned children...why not give them a loving home in my heart ...as opposed to going through the agony of clinically assisted pregancies.

Yes Unique, the chances of success has indeed increased for the scientific option...but the amount of emotional and financial barriers one must face to succeed in conceiving seems to me too great ...for myself anyway...
I don't think I will be able to cope with it all...
(what if after trying say 5 times I do get pregnant ...then I miscarry .....I do not think I will have the strength to cope with it)

I am talking as an individual...the decision becomes even harder when the other partner is involved....

Victor why are u leaning towards adotpion ?

unique
05-07-2004, 01:46 AM
Well Blues it is true that this involves more with emotions......financial i wuld say well if u want something u ll have to forego something......there is no big happiness in this world than to have u r own blood(baby)in u r hand.....trust me that is an amazing feeling.....i know abt ladies who long for that......for that i don t mind spending,afterall wat r we saving for,if u don t have a child.........Nothing can be got without pain,if one has to undergo these turmoils,then they have to go thru it........see every step we take has to be taken in a positive manner then only success rate will be higher.......

As i said adoption wuld be the last option.......i know there are so many kids without parents n who needs care.....but in order to bring them up u shuld have u r mind fully set towards adoption,cos once after adopting no stepping back the child needs u r full attention n it shuld nt get the feeling that he/she is a stranger.....so indha pakkuvam varuvadharuku konjam kashtam thaan......also later u shuld nt repent saying that we did nt explore all the options nu........

Bluelotus
05-07-2004, 02:03 AM
Unique,
IF I must adopt ...then I shall love those children as my own...they will be my own...there will be no question on that point...whether or not gave birth to them..will not matter....
If there was even the littlest doubt on that point...then I would not adopt.


some nice quotes I found:
Love isn't created through blood, it's created through time spent together.
I can't take credit for the face, but I will take credit for the smile.

I suppose ...I am unable to even fully put myself in that situatio....motherly feelings are the furthest away from my thoughts at present....

perhaps if I do find myself in such a situation..I might take the other option...who knows what the future holds. :?

the other problem that many couples face...that u mentioned unique...... is the ppl around us.....how would the parrents and in-laws react...will they accept the adopted child?

coming from a close-knit family, like most families from the Indian-subcontinent, their acceptance would be important to me....

sweetie
05-07-2004, 03:17 AM
Well.. for every girl, pregnancy is a feeling they ought to go thru as much as other feelings in life are...

And as a family pregnancy, the new born, the baby you both created, the baby thats got genes from u both all matters so much.... it means so much to the family...

But in cases where natural pregnancy or having their own child is not possible, it depends on the individual... U cant force neone into either having test-tube babies or adopting some kid I guess....

I personally wud go for adoption... Coz as far as I am concerned, adopting a kid dus not take away the charm of having a kid... me n my partner love kids.... so tat kid is gonna be jus like our own kid...

Further, considering the growing number of orphans in the world, n the growing number of children born outside marriage, I think it wud be an equally compassionate and caring act to give our love to a kid that deserves to live.... Children shud never be left alone...

http://www.annegeddes.com/widepages.cfm?P=E&U=postcard/ecards/index.cfm?links=Nav_Ecards check out this link.... or if U cant see the pic, jus go to www.annegeddes.com n chk out the e-cards page n the "until now" section....

The wording in this particular card says it all......

Test-tube babies give u a satisfaction tat cannot be matched... and so does adoption or having ur own child...

But when we can help, and at the same time have kids of for ourself (not naturally), I think adoption wud be a sensible thing to do... saves lives and makes everyone happy as well !!

butterfly
05-08-2004, 03:11 AM
As others said here...this is a very sensitive subject...The most important thing to do for this couple is to be there for them...they need family & friends to support & guide them during this time.

IVF or Adoption?
I think everycouple wud use adoption as a last resort...dont get me wrong have known couples who had kids of their own adopting too...but by nature everyman & women crave to be parents to bring forth their child to this world...so if ur health permits to go for IVF go for it...thgh it can be very expensive

Now for adoption...its good to check the adoption rules of the country u live in...Of wat i have heard each country as rules to follow...frm where u can adopt kids frm...also one needs to know the indian law...there is different rules for muslims & christians...I think since 1992 the rules changed ...If anyone cud fine any links pls post it here...it might be helpfull

sundaraveena
05-08-2004, 03:17 AM
Info about the "Guidelines for adoption of Indian children" can be found at


http://www.indianembassy.org/consular/Adoption/index.html

lalin99
05-27-2004, 08:48 AM
I am sure that this is a critical question anybody have to think more than twice to answer. But the reality would be sometimes different from what we think we would be deciding later. Most of the people as you said had gone for IVF or still further possibilities to bear a child of their own irrespective of the cost what so ever it may be. But I know many (atleast a handful of people) especially in India who had gone for just adoption without even giving a trial to bear a child of their own eventhough the couples were young and could have borne a baby of their own. Everything depends on the individuals (is my humble opinion)

lalin99
05-27-2004, 08:48 AM
I am sure that this is a critical question anybody have to think more than twice to answer. But the reality would be sometimes different from what we think we would be deciding later. Most of the people as you said had gone for IVF or still further possibilities to bear a child of their own irrespective of the cost what so ever it may be. But I know many (atleast a handful of people) especially in India who had gone for just adoption without even giving a trial to bear a child of their own eventhough the couples were young and could have borne a baby of their own. Everything depends on the individuals (is my humble opinion)

butterfly
05-27-2004, 02:34 PM
lalin wrote,


But I know many (atleast a handful of people) especially in India who had gone for just adoption without even giving a trial to bear a child of their own eventhough the couples were young and could have borne a baby of their own. Everything depends on the individuals (is my humble opinion)


Very true lalin...it cud also be the fear of passing their problem to their offspring...they didnt want to take that risk...

BTW welcome to geetham...hope to see more information frm u :)

Minik
05-28-2004, 04:00 AM
As everybody said this is a sensitive subject. I think all women wants to have a baby normally not through IV or adoption. but if for some reason the woman is not able to conceive then she will be going for IV more than adoption. Adoption is also good a child will get parents and they won't have to struggle to study and have a profession, they have somebody to guide them.

katteri
05-28-2004, 12:45 PM
Bluelotus i dont agree with u abt poor fertility and birth of disabled children of late marriages.

Age and fertility there s no much of strong relationship...

Disabled children is much due to food habits and life style of parents and failure to give immunisation.

Well if in case people go for adoption some r other day u might feel guilty of not disclosing the informn to child and child may get upset if he /she comes to know abt this thru a third person. Have u seen kannathil muthammittal...Thou its a movie it refelcts some reality...

At the same time everyone can afford for IVF.

So if there s no child live in this concept '

'NAMME KUZHANTHAI NAMMAKU EN KUZHANDHAI''

ENAKU NEE KUZHANDHAI UNAKKU NAN KUAZHANDHAI''

population navathu control aagum...

Bluelotus
05-28-2004, 09:25 PM
Katteri,

hmmm....

A correlation does exist between Age and fertility.
Espaecially in women ...as the ova is produced at embryonic stage ...adn then is periodically released.
In men too in fact...although they produce spermatozoa throughout their life time...the DNA does get affected, and motility of those germ cells/ gametes decreases...hence the older the couple is the higher the risk of infertility.
a human is at it's most fertile between 16-25...but now days ppl marry around they're late 20s and have children in their 30s.

IVF is extremely expensive.
adoption.....well the child is already an orphan...why not give it a loving home?

I'm afraid that if I do adopt a child...it will not be a baby....and I will certainly let the child know that I am not it's biological mother.

I belive that love between parent and child transcends the mere boundaries of biology....

I want children....maybe I am unsure of marriage ...but I do want children...one way or another.
I don't want them now...but later :ee:
being a child myself right now...god only knows what I would do with them ......
but by golly I want children ....I wish to experience motherhood to it's fullest....not pregnancy just motherhood.

so the lovely quote...abt ur my child and I'm urs...just wouldn't work with me....

but ....
population control...well
the orphans already exist
so I would not be increasing the population now would I If I adopted?? :ahha:

Minik,
yes I do understand u point....ppl will first try to have a biological child ....
I felt that men in general would support that option more strongly than their counterparts....but I get the feeling that women too feel the need for a biological child very strongly.

Lallin,
Welcome to Geetham.
Yes ur right...it depends on ppl and their feelings on the subject.

unique
05-28-2004, 09:52 PM
Katteri

As blues said age n fertility r connected,especially in women....for a women above 35yrs it becomes really difficult......whereas that is not the case in men,as they grow older infact their sperm counts increase,but in women as they grow older producing egg decreases.......If u see some cases abve 35 or 40 yrs they opt for donor.....

In normal pregnancy birth deffects is a lot lesser...but if u take the case of IVF birth deffects r greater......but still if people can afford they can go for IVF........it depends on the people.......ofcourse adoption is also not cheaper and different countries have different rules about adoption.......

Still according to me IVF wuld be the first choice......

Katteri neeenga sollaradhu ENNAKU NEE KUZHANDAI ONNAKU NAAN KOZHANDAI ndra pechu ellam might be good for sometime.....but sollungo yaarukaga we r earning,summa nambale sambadhichu nambale enjoy pannava(ofcourse u can do that)...but having a child makes all the difference.....eventhough oruthar veliyila sollikalam we r happy by ourselves,kozhandai illaindra kavalai engalukku illainu veliyila sollindalum....deep down oru nerudal irundhu kitte irukkum both for men n women.......

seny
05-29-2004, 06:26 PM
Blue a sensitive subject indeed and nice to read thro different opinions about them. Before going into what is in my mind I would like to share what I had seen in 2 families around me.

As everyone has said, IVF is a very expensive method of having your own child. One of them tried but it failed. Hence both the families have adopted a girl child. They had adopted the babies which were less than a year old (6 months old if I am not wrong). They are bringing them up as their own. Once you adopt a child there is no turning back as pointed already. It becomes your child and it is your asset, wealth... The emotional burden those families went through were enormous. But then when I see them happily playing with "their" girls you don't seem to look at those babies as if they are different. They tend to become one among your family.

It was interesting for me to note that most of the other people who have adopted children as far as I know tend to adopt girls. This had been puzzling me for quite some time. I tend to think that may be it is because once the girl has reached 20-25 yrs, they can get her married and would like to see their girl bearing children on her own. May be I am wrong.

Coming to my view about adoption or clinically assisted births, I think first it would be better to give clinically assisted birth a chance and if it fails then go for the much harder step of adopting a child.

------
Seny

unique
05-30-2004, 01:27 AM
Seny

Not all ivf s r successful n not everything wuld be a failure....this dependes on various factors,age,qualtiy of the egg,quality of the sperm etc......one can find out quality of the sperm easily b4 hand...but finding the quality of the egg,it can be done only during this IVF procedure....it s all 50-50 chances.........well if miracles can happen, it ll definitely happen.....

anitam
05-30-2004, 01:51 AM
I too agree with unique, fertility depends on the age of the ladies....

Its better for girls to have kids before thirty(first child), which solves many problems during pregnancy.. As per medical specifiaction after 30 , the back bone doesn't stretch much for easy delivery, resulting in C-section.....

Coming to test tube babies..... I go for the adoption... lets go with nature....
Some people want to have their own kids and try all possiblities.. but by adoption an orphan can get his/her parents..

seny
05-30-2004, 09:49 AM
Unique, I know that the sucess rate of IVF depends on so many things. The people I knew didnt have the luck :(. Anyways they dont regret it anymore. They have their "OWN" daughter to spend their life together.

------
Seny

Bluelotus
05-30-2004, 08:10 PM
Seny,
very nice to hear that the couple is now happy with their daughter.

I don't think that they really choose a daughter over a son simply because the daughter will give birth to their grandchildren.

However I have noted a trend (in the media anyway) that more and more couple do prefer to go for daughters...some even try artificial method to specifically have daughters.
It could just be a phase ppl go through.

It could be that the first child they saw was a girl or the first one to truly catch their attention was a girl...

(on a totally non-serious point of view :sm12: could be because girls are easier to rear than guys...as sweet as pie ..... :wink: *just kidding* )

Who knows.

Why hasn't anyone voted :think:


Blue.

seny
05-30-2004, 09:43 PM
Ohh I didnt know that it was easier to rear girls.. :lol::lol:... I think people are just too reluctant to vote cos the problem at home is not something so simple to choose from these options..

Seny

king_143
05-30-2004, 11:19 PM
It is a tough question to answer,

The question is will we be able to look someones childs as our own ( if not excatly as our own ). And how far having a test tube baby is ethical???

I cannot answer and hence I will just view at the views of other.

Undecided is my vote