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butterfly
05-31-2004, 10:52 PM
Parents work so hard to bring up their kids...they dont differentiate between their son & daughter...but once the daughter gets married...everything seems to be different
1) Y do parents not stay with their daughter after she gets married...but have no problem living with their son
2) parents who dont have sons.. Live alone rather than living with their daughter & son - in - law

wat are the reasons behind it??? :think:

Bluelotus
06-01-2004, 12:33 AM
the reason could be that .....
they do not wish to become a burden on their son-in-law.
they may not have very good relationships with the son-in-law?
:think:

They do no wish to jeopardise the daughter's marriage.
It all depends on the son-in-law.

(but it's not always the case....)

butterfly
06-01-2004, 02:03 AM
blue wrote,


They do no wish to jeopardise the daughter's marriage.
It all depends on the son-in-law.


blue,
Y wud they be worried about their daughter & not the son then??...or is it easy to get along with the DIL rather than the SIL :)....just speculating yaarum adikavaratheengo :)
on serious note
There cud be a logic reason Y this is followed...like some parents dont even eat in their daughters home...

Bluelotus
06-02-2004, 12:51 AM
I don't really know why they would be more worried abt the daughter than the son...

:think:

daughter would be the apple of their eyes...and they simply don't want to anything to happen to make her life unhappy??

Let's face it ...in-laws don't actually treat daughter-in-laws in a very nice manner....of course zillions of exceptions exist
hmm and men are usually head of the household....even after all the flower power talk nothing has changed.....so they think the son would be able to insist more easily that parents live with him.... :?

Why won't they eat at the daughter's house is it because she sucks at cooking :think:
:sm12: :sm12: :sm12:

just kidding :ee:

they're scared that the son-in-law will say something mean and accuse them of taking advantage of him...or sumthing along those lines...
(I think I watch to many Tamil movies :Ksp: )

I dunno...this is all too much for me...

my mother's parents actually like my dad..and they get along very well...so can't say much really....

butterfly
06-02-2004, 03:08 AM
blue,
Guess we are the only 2 who must be atleast finding reasons :)...but its too bad ppl make rules not knowing the reasons behind it :(

anainar
06-02-2004, 03:43 AM
I dont think there is any logical or historical reason behind this pattern. It is just that how our forefathers lived and their forefathers lived so are we. To the parents, both son and daughter are equal. Also men are not head of households anymore. I know families where women call the shots. There are also instances of wives staying away from their husbands with their parents while the husbands slog their butt out working.

Psychologically though, sons are brought up with the mindset of carrying on their habits while daughters are expected to adjust to their new homes environment. At an old age it is not possible for parents to adjust to the environment of their daughters while their sons might be kind of similar to theirs. That could be one reason I could think of. It is more of psychology than logical.

You can search deep down and I doubt whether you will get an answer.

Cheers

Teena
06-02-2004, 01:28 PM
Parents can stay with their daughter's house and me too wonder why all the parents always prefer to stay only in son's house.Long ago our ancestors would have set some principles and still all the parents are following the same and no one is ready to break at any point.

What I think is daughter's parents give more respect to thier son-in-law and while staying with them they might feel embarrased at some point in some situations.

There is nothing wrong in staying with daughter's house.I think nowadays the trend is slightly changing.

butterfly
06-03-2004, 02:09 AM
anainar & teena ,
good points
anainar wrote,


Psychologically though, sons are brought up with the mindset of carrying on their habits while daughters are expected to adjust to their new homes environment. At an old age it is not possible for parents to adjust to the environment of their daughters while their sons might be kind of similar to theirs.


anainar,
can u elaborate on that ...coz parents are used to the pazhakavazhakam of their daughter but may have to adjust to their DIL...same as the SIL illaiya?

teena wrote,


There is nothing wrong in staying with daughter's house.I think nowadays the trend is slightly changing.


very true teena...but still there are few ppl who set up standards & follow them

katteri
06-03-2004, 06:23 PM
Santhosama irukku ketkaratharku kalyanam aanathu kuu appuram yaar veetula iruntha enna..
Now more and more sons and daughters leave their parents in streets..

The reason parents prefer to stay in sons house is to avoid conflict..
oru vuraila oru kathi than irukkum...
smabanthees dont prefer to stay together,...

venky1974
06-03-2004, 08:13 PM
The way I would like to reason this and this is my understanding. I am not sure how this works on other religions etc so no offence to any one.

We as hindus are all sibilings from the 7 Stars or the saptha rishi mandal and we all have a gothram attached to us when we were born.

When the daughter gets married she moves from one gothram to the other gothram thus moving to a totally different family tree.

Our forefathers has seen it this what that when the daughter moved to a differnt family, and they go and visit them they are the guests of that family. (No family relation here..Guest Host relationship)

To understand this How can we go and sit at a friends or to a different family for long periods of time.

Now times have changed and ppl think different and there is no more of this.

Does this make any sense or it just one of the days I am thinking too much :think:

Cheers,

butterfly
06-03-2004, 09:58 PM
venky wrote,


Our forefathers has seen it this what that when the daughter moved to a differnt family, and they go and visit them they are the guests of that family. (No family relation here..Guest Host relationship)


Venky,
Ur explanation makes a lot of sense...I was sure there was a reason behind it...Thanks for the explanation

katteri wrote,


Now more and more sons and daughters leave their parents in streets..


true katteri...cant imagine how they can disown their own parents :think:



smabanthees dont prefer to stay together,...

I think this is changing too...with our parents...they feel more relaxed develop a better relationship

jaggy4u
08-23-2004, 02:32 AM
but i personally feel girls too change after marriage...they are good adopters to situations better than guys, tht may be sole reason...

butterfly
08-23-2004, 11:15 PM
but i personally feel girls too change after marriage...they are good adopters to situations better than guys, tht may be sole reason...



Hi jaggy,
Welcome to geetham :sm08:

Neengo solrathu unmai na...then it shud be easy for parents to stay with their daughter illaiya?...specially if they dont have a son...

I know it has been practiced that parents stay with their son...but it shud also be allowed that they shud stay with their daughters...