கதையல்ல நிஜம் (Discussion)
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  1. #1

    Default கதையல்ல நிஜம் (Discussion)

    Prologue:

    Ok its been quite sometime, since I came up with the original stories and left the Geethamites to discuss on the same. I remember once krish and me did something like this. This is a recent story which happened to one of my friends. Names are changed for privacy concern.

    One and only chapter

    Hero peru Ezhil'nu vechukuvom. He's a professional graduate from South India. Good student and used to top the class most of the times. He had lots of friends who were girls, but never encouraged anybody to be a girlfriend/lover to him. He always maintained that distance. Very attached to his parents, especially his father. He always thinks, that he owe a lot to his father and promised himself that he will take good care of him when he starts earning.

    Everything goes well, manages to get a good job in one of the recognized concerns in South India. Fortunately, he gets an onsite chance pretty soon and he goes to the client place in Europe. Salary in Euro!!! so starts saving money for his future. This goes on for almost a year. One day he happens to meet a girl (ada namma heroine thaan Monisha), through one of his friends. A very nice, god-fearing girl, who is devoted to her pooja's.

    They become real close friends and they keep in touch through phone. Daily night they used to speak minimum of 3 - 4 hours (Azhagan'le vara - sangeetha swarangal song maathirinu vechukungalen). Hero really likes this girl, but never knew that he might fall in love with this girl. So as it goes on, one fine night they propose each other. Its mutual, this guy speaks first and she also accepts that she wants to marry him. So its a proposal from both sides. As far as I know, Ezhil is crazily in love with this girl.

    As days goes by, they become really close and people easily started noticing the changes. Most of the people around them, knew that these two are in love with each other. Most of the people accept that they are made for each other, kinda pair (I kind of felt the same too). To add on, the girls parents like this guy very much and is always in praise of him. Its the same on the Ezhil's side too. His mom and dad have spoken to this girl on the phone and they too like this girl. But the parents never knew that these two are in love.

    Days became weeks and slowly they started talking about each others future plan and how they can workout things. As Ezhil always used to say, he says he will work in Europe for about 3-4 years and then go back to India and settle down with his parents and offers this girl to come with him. Monisha never liked India (she went to Europe when she was a kid). She does'nt want to come down to India and settle. She wants to settle down in Europe, buy a home there and wants Ezhil to become a citizen too (she has almost got her citizenship, in the last phase of the same).

    Here comes the problem, almost a year went by and the future plans started to become a big problem between them. Whenever Ezhil brings the topic, she used to change it and talk something else. Ezhil at a point was ready to settle down in Europe itself and planned to bring his parents to Europe along with him, when he goes for vacation next time.

    One fine day, Monisha came to Ezhil and said that she prayed to god and wrote Ezhil's name on a small bit of paper and mixed it another bit of paper (empty), all folded. She prayed for hours and took the paper and found that she got a blank paper. Which means that God has a different plan for her and she should not marry Ezhil.

    Ezhil is totally devastated by her answer. He could not concentrate on his work, he could not do anything properly. He again went to Monisha and spoke to her about his plan of bringing his parents here and settling down here itself. Monisha replied back saying that its got nothing with her nor him. Its God's plan and said she will stick onto it. So she asked Ezhil to go on his own way. But she wants to be one Ezhil's best friends.

    Ezhil spoke to her many a times to find out, whether he did something wrong or he said anything that shouldnt have been told. But Monisha says that it is not his fault nor her fault, but its God's decision that made her to do this. She told Ezhil that she will never be able to find an husband like Ezhil and also told him that whoever marries him is a blessed girl to have him. But still she cannot afford to since it is Gods decision for her not to chose him.

    Epilogue:

    Ezhil is doing fine now. He is more concentrated on his work and his future plans with his parents and their happiness. But still not fully happy though, because his first love ended up like this. But he feels, he will eventually be able to overcome it.

    ***************

    When he called me about this, even I was shocked to know this. Because I have spoken to her and also had chat with her many a times. She was always in praise of him and used to say, that shes so lucky to have found him. Its the same story on the other side too, Ezhil always used to talk about her and how luck hes to find her. As far as I know, I couldnt find any faults on both of them.

    Considering these, your comments on Monisha's decision?
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  2. #2
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    Considering these, what do you think of Monisha's decision
    First and foremost, I am not judgemental. We are nobody to judge some body else or their decision.

    But I admire her decision. She might have her own reasons. She might not have wanted his parents to be with them. Or she liked Europe more than India and wanted to settle there. She may have "N" number of reasons which are immaterial to us.

    Her courage to put things in perspective and make decision, instead of compromising for others and then regretting later is admirable. It may sound selfish, but hey, we ain't no saints. Who ever marries that girl after knowing her would be damn lucky.

    Cheers
    Every dog has its day. Today is my day.

  3. #3

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    Oops, I am not asking you to judge her decision. just your comments on the same. Sorry for wording it wrongly ( me and my english)
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  4. #4

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    But I admire her decision. She might have her own reasons. She might not have wanted his parents to be with them. Or she liked Europe more than India and wanted to settle there. She may have "N" number of reasons which are immaterial to us.

    Her courage to put things in perspective and make decision, instead of compromising for others and then regretting later is admirable. It may sound selfish, but hey, we ain't no saints. Who ever marries that girl after knowing her would be damn lucky.
    Well and good. But what about the guy Ezhil. What did he do to be left like this? She knew about these things of Ezhil right from the beginning. Is that justified?
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  5. #5

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    hmm kind aa complex...once again girls emotional sense to full rise here in this happenings.
    She is firm in her decision, poor guy compromised so much for a girl, just becas he loved her..the love is not in same intensity on the other side. so watever happened is good for him. He shld convert this negative happening to positive and go on with his life.
    Best Luck to ur friend, he will find an excellent girl soon.

  6. #6
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    Where is emotion coming in this? Had she been emotional, she would have married him. The fact that she considered options and took a firm decision means she has a cool head. Not to compromise both their lives in long term for short term emotional fulfilment.

    I mean, this relationship did not workout as expected. So what is the big deal? Move on guys. I dont understand why some one should try to explain failure of a relationship. It just does not work that way. It will end up as witch hunting. Had she told she does not want his parents in their house, she will be the witch. Or she might have other reasons which might paint him as the witch. Just accept the fact that the chemistry is lost and move on.

    Cheers
    Every dog has its day. Today is my day.

  7. #7

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    Where is emotion coming in this? Had she been emotional, she would have married him. The fact that she considered options and took a firm decision means she has a cool head. Not to compromise both their lives in long term for short term emotional fulfilment.

    I mean, this relationship did not workout as expected. So what is the big deal? Move on guys. I dont understand why some one should try to explain failure of a relationship. It just does not work that way. It will end up as witch hunting. Had she told she does not want his parents in their house, she will be the witch. Or she might have other reasons which might paint him as the witch. Just accept the fact that the chemistry is lost and move on.
    I only wish life is as easy as you have depicted it anainar. So you can fall in love with anyone and if they also fall in love, use it to the most and one fine day say ok buddy lets separate. (I speak for both guys and gals)

    Did you see Devadhayai Kandein movie??? If not, please do.

    How can you be so committed to someone and suddenly come and say, well I cant continue further, so please go ahead and find someone else Interesting is'nt it ?
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  8. #8

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    I mean emotional sense of her belief in God... does her decision make sense any way? is it not blind enough...
    but there may be some other strong reason for her split (may be she dont want to disclose) and not as she says.

    watever it might be as Anainar said the chemistry is lost, so move on...

  9. #9

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    No Dude...
    Not anyone's fault. Both have their own character and compromising his/her beliefs or plans for the other is definitely not a solution. Infact I love Monisha's character. She was pretty firm on her belief and didnt go for compromising her belief for anyone.

    Sometime back I read a novel called "Sutta Mann (சுட்ட மண்)" by .....Shivashankari I guess In that novel, he hero is a very organized guy and leads a planned life, while the heroine is an exact opposite. They get to know each other through a common person and fall in Love even before they realise. They happily marry and within a shortwhile they find that they cant accept each other for what they are. Adjustment and compromise doesnt work at all as both of them find that they wouldnt be living their life if they were to do that. So they break up. The author stops there and tells both of them love each other madly, but cant stay together. That is, சுட்ட மண் ஒட்டாது... Even if you mix with water and try to make that a paste, heated sand particles can't stay together.

    That was a bit long, but the point is, both of them need to be glad that they understood the reality pretty early rather than getting married and ending up quarelling all life.

    - Silix
    Idhellam kandukkura padadhu Yenna Idhu Vaalipppa vayasu!
    சிலிக்கன்

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by silican
    No Dude...
    Not anyone's fault. Both have their own character and compromising his/her beliefs or plans for the other is definitely not a solution. Infact I love Monisha's character. She was pretty firm on her belief and didnt go for compromising her belief for anyone.
    I feel that monsiha did the right thing, it was high time someone made a decision, even though I feel sorry for ezhil, it was time for them to decide about thier future with a calm mind, rather than being led by emotional vagaries. Even though her reason sounds real weak, It was a tough decision to make and she stood by it. what would have happened if they have evaded this question for year some more time?

    Siva

  11. #11

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    Suththa.......Humbuk......!!!! !!!!!!!

    Antha ponnu........seettu pottu paththuthaam.......God...venna nnu sonnaraam........suththa humbak.........
    yennn.....propose panrathukku munnadi illatti love pannrathukku munnadi......seettu pottu paaththirukka vendiyathu thaane......

    As far as me concerned, she had some plans in her mind........She has to tell it to him whatever that may be if she considers him as her best friend.......Other wise just chumma......That's not a true love...........
    - Valluvan

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by silican
    No Dude...
    Not anyone's fault. Both have their own character and compromising his/her beliefs or plans for the other is definitely not a solution. Infact I love Monisha's character. She was pretty firm on her belief and didnt go for compromising her belief for anyone.

    That was a bit long, but the point is, both of them need to be glad that they understood the reality pretty early rather than getting married and ending up quarelling all life.

    - Silix
    What ever that may be, the reason that she told him could not be acceptable. She should come forward to discuss with him and then she has to tell that she was not lucky enough to lead family life with him. With out discussion, she just picked up some paper in front of god and God decided not to live with him - appdingiratha I can't digest as a valid reason......

    GCB,

    Nalla paththingala........antha empty sheet-la vera yethuvum peru irunthirukka poguthu.......
    Just kidding...... :P :P
    - Valluvan

  13. #13

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    GCB,

    Nalla paththingala........antha empty sheet-la vera yethuvum peru irunthirukka poguthu.......
    Just kidding......
    ille naanum paakale, ezhilum paakale

    Anyway, coming back to the topic. I really felt good for Ezhil, that Monisha brought this topic before their marriage. Imaging what havoc and confusion it would have been if she decided this after their marriage But sometimes, I feel pity for him (never have shown it to him though).

    To me it was good for both of them. But this poor soul alone was little hurt. I wish she could have told this long time back, when they started or probably even before they were about to propose. But experience is a tough teacher, she gives the test first before she teaches

    Why no Geetham thaaikulam have responded yet
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  14. #14
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    I feel very sorry for Ezhil. Seems to be a good person.

    My comments. I wont appreciate want monisha did. As valluvan pointed out, if you such a god fearing person, when u are moving into a relationship you tend to get the approval first. God enna love pannu, but hes not fit for marriagenu solvaara enna...

    I think since she saw some conflicts about the future plans, she backed off. As far as I see, I see that person who wants everything or atleast most of them to be done her way. she could have atleast opened uo with Ezhil and told wants in her mind, instead of putting the blame on God.

    I think for a person like ezhil hes better off without her.

    Quote Originally Posted by anainar
    Where is emotion coming in this? Had she been emotional, she would have married him. The fact that she considered options and took a firm decision means she has a cool head. Not to compromise both their lives in long term for short term emotional fulfilment.

    I mean, this relationship did not workout as expected. So what is the big deal? Move on guys. I dont understand why some one should try to explain failure of a relationship. It just does not work that way. It will end up as witch hunting. Had she told she does not want his parents in their house, she will be the witch. Or she might have other reasons which might paint him as the witch. Just accept the fact that the chemistry is lost and move on.

    Cheers
    Anainar,

    I wouldnt classify this as relationship failure in the first place. that is something between 2 individuals. Here its one fine day shes coming and informing him, hey , God doesnt want us to be together, so lets split. What is that??? Some lame excuse for something you are afraid to open up. If you have really been in love with him, you would either sit and talk to him why u are having some displeasures and then decide whether to be in the relationship or move on. Athai vitutu eppadi seirathu ennai poruthavaraikkum back stabbing(yes it might be harsh.. but thats it...) Knowing how ezhil is and how much he loves monisha, she didnt give that much respect to him at all.

    Shy
    I Geetham

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    One fine day, Monisha came to Ezhil and said that she prayed to god and wrote Ezhil's name on a small bit of paper and mixed it another bit of paper (empty), all folded. She prayed for hours and took the paper and found that she got a blank paper. Which means that God has a different plan for her and she should not marry Ezhil.
    love pannum pothum namakku ethaa ponna/paiyanaa paarthu love pannungaa'paa.. To be very frank, if her actual reason for parting was b'coz of the chit, I would her decision as ridiculous one and wud seriously(and sincerely) advise her to pick up the chits at the right time..
    I have been in diet for six months and all I have lost is six months's good food

  16. #16

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    love pannum pothum namakku ethaa ponna/paiyanaa paarthu love pannungaa'paa.. To be very frank, if her actual reason for parting was b'coz of the chit, I would her decision as ridiculous one and wud seriously(and sincerely) advise her to pick up the chits at the right time..
    Good Point Love at first sight'laam vendaam. Kannaal kandu love pannuvathum risk, kaathal kettu love pannuvathum risk, theera visaarithu love pannuvathe safe

    Yea, I happen to speak to her about this and I asked her whether the chit is the only reason for her to break up with Ezhil. She said nothing else is the issue and only Gods decision made her change the plan. I even promised her that I will not tell Ezhil about the same, but she said there is nothing else except for the chit

    May be shes hiding something from me. Probably something happened, that she doesnt want to talk to me about. Anyway enga irunthaalum nalla iruntha seri

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  17. #17
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    I dont see anything wrong in her decision, even if it based just on a chit. Faith is unquestionable. She might have been in a dilemma and could not make a choice rationally/logically. In that case, it is natural for a person who has faith to rely on it and face the outcome. If there are genuine reasons, I am sure she would have discussed with him. My point is there is no reason prima facie to doubt her or paint her as the villain in this whole episode.

    It is human nature to find a villain in any broken relationship. I got to admire her for not resorting to that, even if there is one. So, there is nothing wrong in that decision. It is good that they both moved on. Ezhil has to accept the fact and instead of finding fault or scout for sympathy, just move on.

    Cheers
    Every dog has its day. Today is my day.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by anainar
    I dont see anything wrong in her decision, even if it based just on a chit. Faith is unquestionable. She might have been in a dilemma and could not make a choice rationally/logically. In that case, it is natural for a person who has faith to rely on it and face the outcome. If there are genuine reasons, I am sure she would have discussed with him. My point is there is no reason prima facie to doubt her or paint her as the villain in this whole episode.

    It is human nature to find a villain in any broken relationship. I got to admire her for not resorting to that, even if there is one. So, there is nothing wrong in that decision. It is good that they both moved on. Ezhil has to accept the fact and instead of finding fault or scout for sympathy, just move on.

    Cheers
    Anainar.. yes faith is unquestionable thaan.. but that faith, oruthanai choose panrapooave vanthu irukkanum ellai. to avoid the heartbreak of a stranger(ezhil) she might be bold enough to take the outcome at any point of the relationship..but thats not applicable to Ezhil right? Atleast oru headsup thanthu irukalaamae ezhilkku enna thaan love senchaalum, God thaan decide pana pooraarunu.. atleast that would have avoided some hurts...

    Its human nature to find a villan because there will always be one, not neccasarily the involved.. there can be many things.. and in my opinion, when you are involving someone else in such a relationship(love) I would atleast except a mature talk before a split. Yes not everyone can be compatible, but athukunu its not our right to hurt anyone knowingly by taking them for granted... Pesi puriyavachutu go one your ways. Atleast they will be happy that you had respected their feelings and ur time together so far...

    Shy
    I Geetham

  19. #19
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    Shy,

    If only I can predict what I want 10 years down the line, imagine how life will be. Relatihoships are not agreements where you draw conditions and agree to them. It is something that evolves over time. Situations change, requirements change, so does the mindset. A good relationship changes with time as well as keeps up with those change. In her case, she felt it may not be able to keep with changes. She opted out. You can question her way of opting out by picking a chit, but so what? She did the right thing of listening to her heart.

    Talking before split is clear recipe for witch hunt. Tell me how many people can take a split in their stride when talked over? It will be a recipe for disaster. Reasoning out, talking all will not help a broken relationship. After marriage it is a different story. Law requires counselling. Before marriage, they are free to decide and are not bound to explain reason behind their decisions.

    Cheers
    Every dog has its day. Today is my day.

  20. #20

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    Anainar,

    First and foremost, nobody is trying to blame Monisha here!!!

    The only concern I had was, she should have picked the chit, when they were about to propose. Would have solved lots of problems.

    Not to mention, both of them have moved on and as I have mentioned above, Ezhil is kind of ok now and he is really planning on his future in India with his parents. So is Monisha, shes into her final year now and she is more involved in her pooja (both were really spiritual and used to do this together).
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