successful married life

[lasik]

want to know about this.....

what makes the married life successful?

1) is it mutual understanding

2) get adjusted with ur partner and go as per his/her wishes.

jus few days back i was discussing with one of my collegues who is in early 30s and not married. her mind set is like this, all men are dominant and women ve to go adjusting with men always. her thinking is that once after marriage, women loose their individuality and independence.
I was bit shocked to hear these. bcoz, i thot like for her age, she wud be matured that she wud've known all these stuff.
then, I tried to make her understand what is a married life. whats the meaning of mutual understanding.

her first point is men r dominating and women ve to get adjusted with him.
My point: At one point everybody has to adjust with other ppl. even that can be ur parents, sisters, brothers or friends. so, if u want to be very adament and u wont ve adjusting thing... then its very difficult to move on with other ppl.

2nd point: women loose individuality after marriage.
My point: it all depends on how u take. In this advanced world, i dont think men can be like that to let her be in home and do nothing other than cooking for him. athellam andha kaalam.

so, now guys and gals, i want ur opinion in this topic.... jus correct me if i've written anything wrong abt this... :D :D

[san2003]

her first point is men r dominating and women ve to get adjusted with him.
My point: At one point everybody has to adjust with other ppl. even that can be ur parents, sisters, brothers or friends. so, if u want to be very adament and u wont ve adjusting thing... then its very difficult to move on with other ppl.

i dont think we adjust with parents/sis/bros etc... mayb becoz we r blood related ... u do not force urself to like them rite? ... but with frens.. its not adjustin .. its more like understanding and comprimising... which i believe marriages shud be too ... but not all marriages r that way .. i know i cant comment on this much coz im not married (duh') ... but i agree with ur fren lasik... men r dominating.. and ive seen in many instances... prob not in the first few yrs of marriage.. but when responsibilities mount... emm.. u know wat i mean

[lasik]

i dont think we adjust with parents/sis/bros etc... mayb becoz we r blood related ... u do not force urself to like them rite? ... but with frens.. its not adjustin .. its more like understanding and comprimising... which i believe marriages shud be too ...

I agree with u san upto this point. I can understand ur thoughts abt marriage. b4 i was married, i had the same thot too. but, now i think ve changed little bit. but not completely.
I wud call this as my maturity level has increased.

but not all marriages r that way .. i know i cant comment on this much coz im not married (duh') ... but i agree with ur fren lasik... men r dominating.. and ive seen in many instances... prob not in the first few yrs of marriage.. but when responsibilities mount... emm.. u know wat i mean

dominating term comes into picture, only when ur partner is completely like hitler... doesnt listen to ur opinion and he jus want u to be his/her slave. i dont think.. that happens in this time period. this kind of life was there with our grandma, grandpa time.
now, guys understand gals and same do the gals. my friend's point was like she wants to be independant and wants to do whatever she wants and her husband shudnt deny to anything. doesnt it look like she wants to dominate him????
and moreover, frankly telling, in some cases, we cant take perfect decision on some critical situation. (my opinion with my experience)so, i jus let him(my partner) to decide.
well, may be here age gap comes into picture. if u and ur partner has some 3 to 4 yrs age gap, say ur partner is older than u) then there wont be any pbm. he mus be more matured than us to take some quick decisions.(atleast by his experiance).
thats why, those days, when they see alliance, they make sure the pair has enough (atleast 4 or 5 yrs) age difference. ( mostly guy is older than the gal).
i agree with this. bcoz, when both are at more or less same age, their flexibility reduces and they think they r right always.
is that true? or ve i misunderstood anything? am talking on gal's point of view on married life. what do u guys say?

lasik
:?

[dinesh]

ipdi confuse aaga koodathungarathukkaga thaan marry panna venaam apdinnu solrathu

[Shy]

I will post tonight lasik

Shy

[Shy]

what makes the married life successful?

1) is it mutual understanding

2) get adjusted with ur partner and go as per his/her wishes.

her first point is men r dominating and women ve to get adjusted with him.

Both got to lead an adjusting life. Because life is about giving some and taking some right?
In some situations, you might feel that you need to give some and some causes you might expect them to give some. Problems occur when you are in deadlock. So when you friend says men can be dominating I can understand her thoughts. She doesnt want to have a slight change of how shes now and how she will be with some person later. But as Sri says, isnt change a constant? All I can advice her is to take each situation with some compromise, initially. You can expect the other person to be exactly as you expect right, coz you might expect something today and something else later. So initally just take everything light. That will be the time that will help both of you to understand each other. Then as time goes, you can let the other person know what you dont like to let go or like to compromise and stuff like that, so that you will never come to a deadlock. This initial period is very important, communicate very clearly of what you want, what you are.

2nd point: women loose individuality after marriage.

It depends on what she classifies as Individuality. You were single, you decide what you want to do, but now you are a family, you have another person in your life. Ofcourse your decisions now should be involving them (cases when needed i mean) So when you do that, does it mean you have lost your individuality?? no,right? As responsibilities pile up, your thought process also changes, because its not that single person you are thinking about, you have others to think about to make a decision.

At those situations, as partners, you got to trust each other, if you know what you are thinking is right and good for both, explain to your partner and justify it. Weigh and tell him all the pros and cons of it. At the same time, patiently listen to what your partner has to say and again weigh his proposal. Then chose the right decision. Or as Lasik said, if you completely trust that your husband will take the best decision always, them beleive him and just let him to what is needed. Dotn whine later and blame him if something fails, thats a very bad habit, relationship spoiler. I am a person, who give my thoughts as opinions to him and ask him to take whatever is needed and chose the best This way I feel happy that I contributed something/helped him in some way.

My point: it all depends on how u take. In this advanced world, i dont think men can be like that to let her be in home and do nothing other than cooking for him. athellam andha kaalam.

I beg to differ here lasik. Even in this advanced world, I still see different sets of people.

(1) A husband who married a girl 9 years younger than him. Hes 30. But he doesnt like her to do anything for her life, all she has to is cook everyday for him, he will give the menu in the morning. Doesnt like her to wear modern dresses or short ones. He has said it seems, i dont want other men to look at you, so if you put some modern or short dresses, it means you are inviting their looks But the most surprising is, takes her everywhere, buys her everything, shower love in public places and thinks shes happy. what do you say?

(2) A wife, who married last year. Shes from Chennai, well educated girl. This guy has been here for more than 10 years. All these years, he didnt bring his parents here, because thinking they would feel alone at home, so once married will bring them. Now hes married. Her first condition for sex is her parents shud come here first. The disgusting thing is shes happy to tell her "pillow manthirams" in ladies gathering

So both sides, such disgusting people exist lasik, we cant rule that it wont happen in this modern world. 1960 or 2000 or 2050, it all depends on the individual's mind I think.

Shy

[coolian]

The disgusting thing is shes happy to tell her "pillow manthirams" in ladies gathering

So that's what goes on when we guys sit down and watch sports on TV?

[san2003]

ipdi confuse aaga koodathungarathukkaga thaan marry panna venaam apdinnu solrathu

... better to remain as "partners" than to get married like the westerners .. hmm i guess many r not ready for that

dominating term comes into picture, only when ur partner is completely like hitler... doesnt listen to ur opinion and he jus want u to be his/her slave. i dont think.. that happens in this time period. this kind of life was there with our grandma, grandpa time.
now, guys understand gals and same do the gals. my friend's point was like she wants to be independant and wants to do whatever she wants and her husband shudnt deny to anything. doesnt it look like she wants to dominate him????

i have to totally disagree... u may say its antha kaalam.. but it still happens in the modern age ... even shy akka has given eg .. i dont think being independent n wanna do watever they want is being dominant.. it is more on giving freedom.. as they would have been doing somethin b4 marriage n not to give it up jus becoz the husband doesnt like it... for eg like shy akka's scenario ... the girl is young and modern n dresses up as such.. if the husband cannot accept that.. thats his fault.. dont go changin ppl to wat u desire ... i feel the word adjustin is literally taken as changin the person n not accomodatin to the lifestyle... this is just one eg

ill come back with more this weekend... got work/studies/n one major exam im sooo not prepared

cheers

The disgusting thing is shes happy to tell her "pillow manthirams" in ladies gathering

is so true.. i overheard once a lady who recently got married talkin bout this .. oops ... u think men dont do that... i bet and know they do too.. dont deny it MEN .. cools

[coolian]

Men do, of course. When did I deny it?

We're guys! What should we talk about, our clothes? "Hey John, you look sooooo good in that pink Hawaiian shirt..." :-\

Hmm, interesting.

[san2003]

MEN

[sWEEtmICHe]

be a good listener, love,trust, communication,respect,sharing, understanding
all this basic facts to keep the marriage alive,
and lead a successful married life !!-- ,
lasik--- en?-- kalyana asai vanthudda

[Minnie]

lasik--- en?-- kalyana asai vanthudda

Miche.....lasik is married already :P ippadi kettathukku ungalku irukku,wait till she see's this

Even after marriage --- Both try to be

A good,best friend to each other.
Good Lover.
Finally good hubby/wife.

[zephr]

hello to all ,
a very interesting subject to be touched
firstly i have to thank lasik !
subject: a successful married life ,
well it depends in individual ,as no one can be them,only they have too,
it is very simple [ no gossip ] , that is very important issue in daily life
as i know my wife past 10 years [ during skool time],
and understand her feelings deep down and share things out , all this while!
also made her felt happy , and be there always for her,
and trash things out, rather be quiet ,and do respect her needs!
btw,she is very beautiful, and i had faced alot of problems,
but maintain my calmness , be a coolman
i am not a jealous guy but [my instinct],sometimes will overcome my thought,
so is best to be one and furthermore, i do bought alot of stuffs for her,
[clothing , jewellery ,shoes etc ] , this is also very important as,
to keep up our married life to be on forever,since i am married now,
leading a wonderful life at the moment

as babe said have to understand and be a good listener [guys-- plse,
amma saami podunum]

thank you to allow me for sharing!
thanks miche babe , :D for asking me to reply here !

[Bluelotus]

the funniest thing is that Lasik received replies from 2 married people and from 5 singletons

I don't think there is any magick recipes for marriage, more like trial and error. Wat works for one person may not work for another.

jus few days back i was discussing with one of my collegues who is in early 30s and not married. her mind set is like this, all men are dominant and women ve to go adjusting with men always. her thinking is that once after marriage, women loose their individuality and independence.

Well I do see her point.
This Lady has been single for more than 30 years, she can do what she likes when she likes and is fully self reliant.
Men are unfortunately dominant by nature, or they have been brought up to regard women and especially wives as a lesser mortal.
This particular lady will have to be doubly manipulative and will have to give up a lot of her own independence and individuality to survive married life.
I would advise her against marriage unless she really can't help herself.

I on the otherhand am on the look out for a younger version of Richard "bucket" (pronounced bouquet ) .... I hope at least somebody has heard of "keeping up appearances" a hilarious show

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/ar..._7773960.shtml

blue.

[Shy]

Adi paavi.. oru ponnai eppadiyaathu advice panni settle aaga vaikalaamnu lasik nenaichu vanthu namba kita idea keta.. ippadi avalukku marriage'ae venaamnu soli iruke

unkita vanthu idea ini kekave kudaathu

Shy

[san2003]

I would advise her against marriage unless she really can't help herself.

i agree with bluey coz she seems to have accomplished alot in life and probably enjoyin every bit of it.. n it will be hard for her to give up her ways and just get married

better jute b4 shy akka comes in here n sees this

[Shy]

ungalai ellam poi marriage counselling, intha serthu vaikarthu eppadi vishaiyangai handle pana sonna avaloo thaan



Shy

[lasik]

ivlavu posts aaahh... thnx ppl.

sorry guys enakku ippo time illai (escape aagalai )...

will post my views later....

lasik

[ubitestechnologies]

If you Love your wife then your married life is successful.

[Heenastyle]

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