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Thread: Secrets of HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

  1. #21

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    yeah but i dont have experience.... kelvi nzhyanam than.... so cant expect much input from me... i got an excuse... but i would say the secret to happy married life is to have trust on ur partner and be truthful as much as possible.... coz i dont hide anything from my gf and so she has lots of trust on me.... and also offer maximum help in any issue to ur partner.... and be caring and affectionate... are some of the important things to lead a happy and a sucessful married life
    Nan Dhan sakalakala Vallavan

  2. #22

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    First tell me one thing.. In olden days boys are good and girls are very good. So marriage is the only thing to solve their physical need.

    But now a days? Do you think girls are good? Mostly impossible. Instead of marrying a second hand , third hand girls why we should have some good girl friends and lead a happy life. I realy hate this married life.
    Ade Pavame...I think we need to define marriage first...Marriage is not just for physical needs guys...I have no time to explain now...but pls someone explain to Arumugam ...on second thght arent u married already arumugam ??
    Arumugam,
    May be not 100% gals are good..adhukunu shud we Ban the marraige?...& as u say Y isnt she good? who makes her bad?...if she is not good am sure there is a man involved...adhukunu can we blame all the men?....

  3. #23

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    its not right to generalise that all girls are not good.....having girl friends would be happy in the begining but in a long run those kind of one night stand would not make u happy.. but marriages will have some hard times.... but in the end u find peace and happiness...
    Nan Dhan sakalakala Vallavan

  4. #24
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    Why would any sane person get into a relationship where he is forced to worry and look after another person an d some time later more little people?
    And the point about another person taking care of you when you are ill (by minik, I think), doesn't make sense at all, when there are state-of-the-art facilities existing in hospitals, and are more than capable of looking after you.
    Can any one of you give me a very good reason, why a person should marry?

    Quote Originally Posted by butterfly
    on second thght arent u married already arumugam ??
    Yup. He's happily married to a modern Delhi girl.
    Trolling Geetham since 2003...

  5. #25
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    secret of Happy married life, keep your secret away from your spouse
    [b]sleep... [/b

  6. #26
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    Arumugam... athu enna second hand, third hand five hand'nu... I am asking you a simple question.. thappa nenaichu kaatheenga.. None are prefect in this world.. Wife matum uthamiyaa varanum, manasu alavula kuuda shouldnt have thought abt other man'nu ella guysm expect panraangae ellai.. avanga matum uthamangala??? why is that the guys have all the leverage of sight seeing all girls, having all sorts of fun, but only when it comes to their wife, their expectations are sky high ??? (ethu anyway side track.. )

    To the main track.....

    Marriage is a partnership in the whole of life, backed up by family, community, and religious values, marriage can do what economic partnerships don't: give a greater sense of meaning and purpose to life.
    Married people are both responsible for and responsible to another human being, and both halves of that dynamic lead the married to live more responsible, fruitful, and satisfying lives.
    Marriage is a transformative act, changing the way two people look at each other, at the future, and at their roles in society.

    The goods of marriage are:

    Unconditional love, stability and consistency.There is one person you love and will love you for the rest of your life.
    It is very reassuring to know that there is a person who loves you and only you no matter what and who lives to be with you. That sort of commitment can give you a tremendous comfort and confidence.
    The potential for children—Inside a stable marriage it is possible and extremely easy to have and raise children.

    Shy

  7. #27

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    Hi....friends...:D

    Unconditional love, stability and consistency.There is one person you love and will love you for the rest of your life.
    Shy....I like those lines, it's so reassuring to the mind...

    Apart all things that's required of a marriage...I believe on the about lines...it should work out for all...
    The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; ; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by arumugam57
    Mink...

    First tell me one thing.. In olden days boys are good and girls are very good. So marriage is the only thing to solve their physical need.

    But now a days? Do you think girls are good? Mostly impossible. Instead of marrying a second hand , third hand girls why we should have some good girl friends and lead a happy life. I realy hate this married life.

    Will talk a lot after hearing your reply..



    Arumugum the answer to your question is already been given by butterfly and shy so I think I don't have to repeat it. Shy you gave a very good note about marriage. its wonderful.

    Anyways, to add to shy, Married life is a boon that God gave us. If you have the right mate, it's heavenly; but if not, you live in a twenty-four-hour daily hell that clings constantly to you, it can be one of the most bitter things in life. Life is indeed strange. Somehow, when you find the right one, you know it in your heart. It is not just an infatuation of the moment. A peaceful married life is when a wife is blind and the husband is deaf, for the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and a deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of his wife

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by shy
    Marriage is a partnership in the whole of life, backed up by family, community, and religious values, marriage can do what economic partnerships don't: give a greater sense of meaning and purpose to life.
    Married people are both responsible for and responsible to another human being, and both halves of that dynamic lead the married to live more responsible, fruitful, and satisfying lives.
    Marriage is a transformative act, changing the way two people look at each other, at the future, and at their roles in society.
    Sweet stuff, but I wonder how mich truth is in it....
    For example, what kind of satisfaction would one acheive in marriage that he wouldn't acheive otherwise?
    Quote Originally Posted by shy
    Unconditional love, stability and consistency.There is one person you love and will love you for the rest of your life.
    It is very reassuring to know that there is a person who loves you and only you no matter what and who lives to be with you. That sort of commitment can give you a tremendous comfort and confidence.
    Infact I've seen so many marriages where such a love does not exist at all. And as for stability and consistency, it's far more convenient to stay single as you will certainly know nobody will file divorce claims and leave you with nothing apart from your cuff-links.
    Quote Originally Posted by Minik
    Married life is a boon that God gave us
    The concept of god itself is a farcical one, so marriage and god do form a nice partnership
    Quote Originally Posted by Minik
    but if not, you live in a twenty-four-hour daily hell that clings constantly to you, it can be one of the most bitter things in life. Life is indeed strange. Somehow, when you find the right one, you know it in your heart. It is not just an infatuation of the moment.
    This is exactly why I feel this kind of a relationship will never work. How many couples out there are completely compatible with each other?
    Trolling Geetham since 2003...

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minik
    but if not, you live in a twenty-four-hour daily hell that clings constantly to you, it can be one of the most bitter things in life. Life is indeed strange. Somehow, when you find the right one, you know it in your heart. It is not just an infatuation of the moment.
    This is exactly why I feel this kind of a relationship will never work. How many couples out there are completely compatible with each other?[/quote]


    Hi sidinesh The relationship will work if you find the right mate. did'nt your mother and father's relationship workout. There are lots of relationship that will work only if you adjust with each other. Marriage is giving and taking and adjusting to each other's ideas and opinions.

  11. #31
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    Sweet stuff, but I wonder how mich truth is in it....
    For example, what kind of satisfaction would one acheive in marriage that he wouldn't acheive otherwise?
    dinesh,
    u may have lots of friends, relatives, collegues etc.. but ungalukku'nu oruthavnga, to share ur thoughts, desires, feelings elaina.. u sure will feel empty. I am not sure how u are right now.. but imagine all ur friends are married and had left.. u are alone..intially u can spend some time going out here and there and wandering.. but pooga pooga u will feel lonely.. veetuku vantha paesurathuku, laugh panrathukku etc none will be there.. it will feel as if u are not complete.. this feeling will go away only when u have someone for you. someone who can listen to u, shower their love etc.

    Infact I've seen so many marriages where such a love does not exist at all. And as for stability and consistency, it's far more convenient to stay single as you will certainly know nobody will file divorce claims and leave you with nothing apart from your cuff-links.
    I am not saying all marriages are prefect and the couples are made for each other. humans thaane, u make mistakes and u break up. But ertha varaikum, they would have the greatest moments in life, they would have enjoyed the luxury of marriage.

    Shy

  12. #32
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    Minik,

    Dinesh has a point. The social aspects of marriage are ever changing and partners are much more demanding that they were earlier. I have seen many couples where they strike a discordant note always. They still hang on for what ever reason. We are not ready to accept marriage is one aspect of life and if it does not work out, it is perfectly alright to walkaway. We are not there yet and that is the concern for pessimists like Dinesh. There is a business term called "Exit Plan'. If things dont work out in a partnership, they always write out an exit clause where the partners exit gracefully. We treat marriage as so sacrosanct, that this clause is not given a thought at all, causing pain and suffering. I would suggest the partners to work out a suitable exit plan also if things dont work out. That way Dinesh will not be left with only cuff links if his partner decides to desert him.

    Cheers.
    Every dog has its day. Today is my day.

  13. #33

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    shidinesh wrote,
    Why would any sane person get into a relationship where he is forced to worry and look after another person an d some time later more little people?
    Its coz we all possess a caring attitude in us...if we like it or No...yosichu parungo...wat are u doing here in geetham?...helping ppl around with wat u can...if u can help strangers like us...how much more wud u be able to care for ur own (wife)...ur flesh & blood (children)...
    its really good now to be independent...have high ambitions...dont want to take any responsiblities...have a feeling we can survive alone...but if we look into ourself we all need company...now we have the independence to do anything..still we choose geetham to spend our time...Why??????....itz coz we recognise ppl here as our Own...so ippo ippadi na thinkshidinesh when ur 60 how much more u wud crave for ur own ppl....u might say i can have tamil friends...but remeber they have commitments...when they are all sitting with their families u wud feel alone...

    And the point about another person taking care of you when you are ill (by minik, I think), doesn't make sense at all, when there are state-of-the-art facilities existing in hospitals, and are more than capable of looking after you.
    Shidnesh,
    When u have time...just check with the Social worker about the "state-of-the-art facilities " existing in hospitals, ...U will be surprised...& also visit a geriatric unit in a hospital or visit a nursing home...talk to ppl who have no family...u will be surprised to find they may be the most educated ppl feeling depressed & with lot of psychiatric illness

  14. #34

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    anainar wrote
    The social aspects of marriage are ever changing and partners are much more demanding that they were earlier.
    anainar,
    better give an explanation for this...illaina poosanika than varum ...doesnt matter if ur wife or kid is there

  15. #35
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    ...Marriage is not just for physical needs guys
    Ammni.. Oru ambalayoda kastam ambalaiku thaan theriyum.. The very first and Important thing in marriage is the above need only. In olden days there is no yahoo messenger , there is no internet , there is no online dating , no chance of girl friends. So old guys introduced one philoooo and fundaaa called "Marriage".

    I don't think in this centurey marriage is the only way to full fill the above need.
    why is that the guys have all the leverage of sight seeing all girls, having all sorts of fun, but only when it comes to their wife, their expectations are sky high ??? (ethu anyway side track.. )
    Neenga than sollureenga... Marriage punithamanathu , veetuku varaporava match box eduthu oothu pathi koluthi veetuku velakethanum and etc etc.. Will you select a third rated person for doing all those things? Never.
    Anyways, to add to shy, Married life is a boon that God gave us. If you have the right mate, it's heavenly; but if not, you live in a twenty-four-hour daily hell that clings constantly to you
    Here is my point. Suppose my " 7.5 years old sani" came in the middle of my marrige. Then I have to see the hell through my life? Is it?. Sorry. I don't want this risk. Naan intha aataiku varaley. I don't want marraige.
    did'nt your mother and father's relationship workout. There are lots of relationship that will work only if you adjust with each other.
    My father don't have girl friends or he don't know how to get girl friends. So he forced his father to get him a forced "girl friend". Further after marriage also he could not get any more girl friends. So they were attached till their old age. I am having good brain and I can get lot of girl friend. Then where is this relationship need for me? No need.
    but imagine all ur friends are married and had left.. u are alone..intially u can spend some time going out here and there and wandering.. but pooga pooga u will feel lonely.. veetuku vantha paesurathuku, laugh panrathukku etc none will be there.. it will feel as if u are not complete.. this feeling will go away only when u have someone for you. someone who can listen to u, shower their love etc.
    So you mean since all my friends are married we to have to marry?. So of my young age friends are running "Mutton Stall". Shall I do that? . Some of my young age friends are in jail now. Shall I go to jail. Some of my friends died. Shall I die? . Most of my friends are feeling their family as jail and feeling their wife as jailer. According to you I too should go to jail and see the jailer. ? Never. Ennaya maati vidap pakareenga. Athu nadakkathu. Ennai "kalyanam" appadinagara pothai kulila thalli "wife" ngara kalla thooki en mandaila podap paakareenga. Athu nadakathu.
    u might say i can have tamil friends...but remeber they have commitments...when they are all sitting with their families u wud feel alone...
    I having a big room where 2 persons can live. I will call one of my girl friend to share my room for free of cost. I will give some money for her stay if she wants. I will give her food.
    She too laugh at me. I won't feel lonely then. If some problem happens I will sent her out and will invite some other friend. What is there.

    Further If I feel boredom I will come to geetham forums ask madhu to upload some good movies and download those movies and wath them. What is there?.

    So I think now a days marriage is not necessary thing in life.

  16. #36

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    Neenga than sollureenga... Marriage punithamanathu , veetuku varaporava match box eduthu oothu pathi koluthi veetuku velakethanum and etc etc.. Will you select a third rated person for doing all those things? Never.
    Why arumugum if a men can do the sight seeing why can't a third rated women do the velakethanum. this is not justice. when men can do all the things they want a women can't do anything.

    Here is my point. Suppose my " 7.5 years old sani" came in the middle of my marrige. Then I have to see the hell through my life? Is it?. Sorry. I don't want this risk. Naan intha aataiku varaley. I don't want marraige
    I am not saying you have to marry a women at the first sight, you have many girl friends right among those girl friends who do you think is the best, you should have one particular girl friend that you like something in her, then after marriage there are problems to come among partners but you must be ready to forgive and forget. you won't understand now but later when your girl friends get fed up of you and leave you then you will understand, when u r 65 no girl will come to you even if you have money, there may be some who come for just money but won't give u love that u need. after 65 you need a person not for physical needs but somebody to give you real love and caring and a person to care for u.

    My father don't have girl friends or he don't know how to get girl friends. So he forced his father to get him a forced "girl friend". Further after marriage also he could not get any more girl friends. So they were attached till their old age. I am having good brain and I can get lot of girl friend. Then where is this relationship need for me? No need.
    I was wondering is your father still living with you or your brothers or sisters, so now he does'nt have girl friends so how does he spend his time, he has his wife to spend his time but you when u get the same age has your father remember no girl friends will come and sit with u and talk or laugh, if u say you can come to geetham and ask madhu to upload some movies, remember madhu may not be available at that time, what if he is busy with his own personal stuff like his family or etc. what will u do then, and time is changing your fathers years is not the same as this year so this year may not be the same when u are 65 then those youngsters may be different so u want some body of your century to talk too and your friends may be busy then, u may need your own mate.

  17. #37

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    Why arumugum if a men can do the sight seeing why can't a third rated women do the velakethanum. this is not justice. when men can do all the things they want a women can't do anything.

    sorry a slight change, when men can do the things they want, why can't women do the things they want and do burn the oil lamp

  18. #38
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    I am not saying you have to marry a women at the first sight, you have many girl friends right among those girl friends who do you think is the best, you should have one particular girl friend that you like something in her, then after marriage there are problems to come among partners but you must be ready to forgive and forget. you won't understand now but later when your girl friends get fed up of you and leave you then you will understand, when u r 65 no girl will come to you even if you have money, there may be some who come for just money but won't give u love that u need. after 65 you need a person not for physical needs but somebody to give you real love and caring and a person to care for u.
    If I marry one of my girl friends the very first day of my marrige I will commit suicide. They are girl friends for so many guys. Not only for me. So your suggestion can not be implemented.

    You are saying that I willl face problem in my age of 65 right?. I think I will die before that. So there is no problem. Further for solving my 65 th year old problem I have to worry from now on wards right?.

    "Yaan petra inbam peruga ivvaiyagam" nu think pannunga Minik. " Yaan petra thunbam perua Arumugam" nu idea thareenga paatheengala?..

    You are mis guiding me.

  19. #39
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    SECRET - 1

    From the Buddhist point of view, marriage is neither holy nor unholy.
    Buddhism does not regard marriage as a religious duty nor as a
    sacrament that is ordained in heaven. A cynic has said that while
    some people believe that marriage is planned in heaven, others say
    that it is recorded in hell also! Marriage is basically a personal
    and social obligation, it is not compulsory. Man and woman must have
    freedom either to get married or to remain single. This does not mean
    that Buddhism is against marriage. Nobody in this world would say that
    marriage is bad and there is no religion which is against marriage.

    Practically all living things come into being as a result of sex
    life. Among human beings, the institution of marriage has come about
    so that society guarantees the perpetuation of the human species and
    also ensures that the young would be cared for. This is based on the
    argument that children born through the pleasure of sex must be the
    responsibility of the partners involved, at least until they have
    grown up. And marriage ensures that this responsibility is upheld and
    carried out.

    A society grows through a network of relationships which are
    mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a
    whole-hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group
    or community. Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web
    of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage
    should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse,
    from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of
    marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a
    delightful association of two individuals to be nurtured and to be
    free from loneliness, deprivation and fear. In marriage, each partner
    develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to
    one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative
    recognition of the other's skill in caring and providing for a family.
    There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior -- each
    is complementary to the other; marriage is a partnership of equality,
    gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.

    In Buddhism, one can find all the necessary advice which can help
    one to lead a happy married life. One should not neglect the advice
    given by the Enlightened Teacher if one really wants to lead a happy
    married life. In His discourses, the Buddha gave various kinds of
    advice for married couples and for those who are contemplating
    marriage. The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and
    understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding
    husband, both are fortunate indeed."

  20. #40

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    You are saying that I willl face problem in my age of 65 right?. I think I will die before that. So there is no problem.
    How sure are u about this?...

    A society grows through a network of relationships which are
    mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a
    whole-hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group
    or community. Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web
    of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage
    should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse,
    from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of
    marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a
    delightful association of two individuals to be nurtured and to be
    free from loneliness, deprivation and fear. In marriage, each partner
    develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to
    one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative
    recognition of the other's skill in caring and providing for a family.
    There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior -- each
    is complementary to the other; marriage is a partnership of equality,
    gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.
    Voww armugam... nalla sonengo

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