Did i marry the right person ???????
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Thread: Did i marry the right person ???????

  1. #1

    Post Did i marry the right person ???????

    This is a very good article. read it.
    Those who are still single may learn something from here....
    Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage....


    During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

    Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

    Here's the answer.
    EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

    Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything.
    That's why it's called "falling" in love...

    Because it's happening TO YOU.

    People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

    Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

    The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

    At this point, you and /or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

    Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

    But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

    And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


    SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
    You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
    That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

    Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

    Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

    Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. ust as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

    Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .
    Getting an idea is like falling in love: excitement is highest when you first meet.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2003


    nice one... very interesting article
    I'M BACK!

  3. #3


    Finding your soul-mate is almost as hard as finding your soul. Seeking advice is vital, whether it be from a counselor, a rabbi or a mentor. Not that I can tell you if he is your soul-mate; I know of no magical test to find that out. But G-d knows, and I suggest that you pray for guidance. All I can do is try to help you reach some clarity, so you can find an answer on your own.

    Something is holding you back. The question you should be asking yourself is this: Is the problem in me, in him or in us (i.e.. the relationship)?

    Maybe he is indeed your soul-mate, and there is something within you that is making you hesitate. Are you scared of commitment? Have you been scarred by past relationships? Did you grow up without good role models to know what a healthy marriage looks like? If so, what is holding you back is fear. It could be that he is the one for you, but you are paralyzed by fear which makes you unable to see it. But remember - fear never introduces itself by its own name. Fear disguises itself in all types of very reasonable statements - "I'm not ready to get married", "He isn't the type of guy I dreamed of", "I want to establish my career first" - when the real issue is simple: you're scared. If that's the only issue, then you have to work on opening yourself up to a real commitment.

    Maybe the problem is him. Nobody's perfect, so there must be things about him that you don't really like, but over time you have learnt to overlook them. What are they? Are they minor issues, like the way he cuts his toenails or that he can't play tennis? Then you should forgive him. Or are they bigger ones, like his temper or the way he treats people? In marriage we come to overlook (and sometimes even love) the flaws in our spouse. But we will probably never change them. When married, turning a blind eye to imperfections is great. When dating, it's dangerous. If you are overlooking parts of his personality that you will not be able to live with, then the problem is him and you should get out of there.

    On the other hand, perhaps he is a great guy, and his flaws are minor. Perhaps the problem is not him, and not you, but "us" - the two of you together. You are two fantastic people, but the relationship is not so fantastic. Do you communicate well? Does he understand you when you share with him your feelings? Do you share similar values and beliefs? Do you respect him? Are you heading in similar directions in life? Is he willing to put your needs in front of his? Would you do that for him?

    If you are not connecting, then maybe you are two lovely individuals that have some things in common, but are just not on the same page. Or maybe the relationship needs more work. This means not only learning how to communicate better, but also knowing what each other's values and priorities are. I have seen couples that have been together for years but never actually discussed values. It may not be very romantic, but ask yourself: If I would ask my partner, "What are the five most important things in life?", do I know what his answer would be? Am I comfortable with that answer?

    Perhaps you need more time. Perhaps there are a combination of issues that are complicating things. But if you can ascertain where the main issue lies, you will have an answer.

    If it's him - there are things about him that won't change and you can't live with - move on.

    If it's us - you are not connecting - then the relationship needs some attention to see if it can flourish.

    But if the problem is not in him, and not in your relationship, but in you - your fears and past experiences - then you need to liberate yourself from them. It may take a leap of faith, but you will feel light, you will be free to love, and most of all, you will find your soul-mate. And maybe your soul too.

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